My Goddess
by WallflowerBitca
Summary: AU fic  season 7  in which Tara is alive again, a visit from Oz, a trip to LA, new feelings...Buffy/Faith Willow/Tara Xander/Anya - cannon relationships to start, but veers slightly. WARNING: Some very dirty stuff first few chapters and naughty words throughout ;
1. Getting With the Shagging

_My Goddess_

Chapter 1 – Getting With the Shagging

Everyone was freaking screwing. That was the first thing Dawn noticed when she got up in the morning. The whole house was practically shaking and she could hear Willow and Tara's headboard a-thumping. Now for them, it was reasonable to be having sex at 9am on a Tuesday, but for everyone else, not so much – what with the whole 'apocalypse any day now' thing.

See, Willow and Tara were finally reunited. Dawn wasn't completely sure on the details, but it was something about Buffy getting a wish, making a hard decision, putting Willow's heart first, hating Kennedy a butt-load, missing her best friend and confider… blah blah blah. Either way, Dawn was happy because Tara was back. She was finally back.

**3 Days Earlier**

"Willow!" Buffy called. "Butt, kitchen, NOW."

"'kay…. Coming…."

"Haul ass Rosenberg!" Anya yelled, then came a muffled, "Kennedy go patrol or hit stuff of kick stuff or something…"

"Dawn, you have to come downstairs too!" Her sister called loudly.

Dawn and Willow hurried downstairs, Will's hair was sticking up all over the place and she was still in her pajama top with the piggy on it.

"Glamorous," Dawn commented.

"Sleepy," Willow grumbled in reply. Dawn was ushered into the kitchen by Buffy, and there was a muffled squeal, then a noise that sounded just violent enough to be Faith, grabbing Dawnie to shut her up.

"Ready?" Buffy said quietly. Another muffled voice replied. Buffy threw open the door, beaming at Willow. Her cheeks were tear-stained and she had a grin from ear to ear. Faith had Dawn around the mouth and Xander and Anya were grinning happily. Giles was standing in the back, smiling softly and Andrew looked like he was about to wet himself with fear. Buffy slowly took a step to the side, revealing the most beautiful sight Willow had ever seen in her life.

"Happy Birthday baby." Tara said quietly.

Willow launched herself into her undead lover's arms, embracing her tightly. She was real and warm and soft and her arms felt exactly the way Willow remembered. Suddenly, the red-head was laughing and sobbing at the same time. Tara took her gently and held her at arm's length, devouring the emerald pools of her eyes, the light constellation of freckles on her bare shoulders, the ruby lips and the flaming hair, the shining, golden aura. Everything that made up her Willow. She pulled the Wicca in close again, this time resting her face in Will's fiery hair and breathing in the scents of apple and cinnamon, as well as a woman's perfume Tara didn't recognise.

"It's really you…" Willow said quietly. "I don't believe it…" She shook her head in wonderment.

"It's really me. I'm here Will, and I'm staying. No more stupid mistakes, I'm not leaving you ever again, I swear with all my heart. I'll always find you."

Willow burst into tears, feeling a sudden intense rush of feelings for the woman she had almost destroyed the world for. Here she was, almost exactly two years later, quoting the very promise Willow had made to her – the promise she'd failed to keep.

"I didn't" She whispered quietly, stroking Tara's honey coloured hair. "I didn't find you."

"Well, baby, I was kind of dead… It would have been rather difficult." She laughed lightly, giving Willow her trademark lopsided smile, where her left eye crinkled slightly. She pulled Willow in close, kissing her gently. Willow slowly slipped her tongue between the blonde's lips, then gradually deepened the kiss until they were twined around each other like vines. Willow could practically hear Giles polishing his glasses. Suddenly, on a thought, she pulled back.

"How did you do that exactly?"

"Do what?" Tara was perplexed.

"Be… not dead…" Willow was staring at her. She wasn't a ghost. She didn't seem all broken the way Buffy had on her resurrection. She was corporeal – so not nasty tricks from the first there. What had she done?

"Buffy." Tara beamed at her friend. "Buffy wished it. The Powers That Be granted her one wish in the shadow of the forthcoming apocalypse, and she wished for me back." Tara turned to look at Buffy. "I am so eternally grateful, Buffy. How will I ever make this up to you?"

Buffy laughed. "Well, I think you already have." Buffy looked Willow up and down. She was standing taller, there was a glint in her eye, a mischievous, bright ease to her smile and her whole body radiated happiness. She was a completely different girl to who she had been just last night. It was Tara. It was always Tara. No one else could bring out Willow's best and worst sides like she could. Tara had changed Willow, taken her away from her permanent standing as wallflower and shown her the world. Willow had become beautiful, daring, powerful and strong. Willow loved Tara in a way Buffy was quite sure no other pair had ever loved, and it was simply this. This was Buffy's reward. She got her best friend back. "But maybe," Buffy added as an afterthought, "you might be able to make some of your amazing pancakes while we all catch up?"

Everyone laughed, and Tara set about preparing their breakfast.

Willow watched her, mesmerised. Tara sashayed around the kitchen with an easy grace, singing snatches of song and twirling Dawnie across the room. Every now and again she'd swing round to Willow's side of the bench and plant a gentle kiss on her lips, before turning back to the stove. It was as though now that Tara was back, the whole house was humming and alive again. Willow still couldn't believe her eyes though, it was really Tara. She was really back! That was her girlfriend, dancing around the kitchen, her girlfriend flipping pancakes, her girlfriend planting increasingly passionate kisses on her lips! Willow just watched, awestruck, as Tara twirled around the room, leaving a trail of magical sparks as she went.

"I watched you, the entire time." They were finally alone. Willow and Tara were sitting on their bed, still dressed, but just revelling in the feeling of once again holding hands.

"You did?"

"I watched you, and baby it hurt me so badly to see you in that much pain!" Tara's eyes were sparkling with tears. "I hated to see you doing all of that… and not being able to do anything about it! I'm so, so sorry."

"No Tara I'm sorry!" Willow rested her head on Tara's shoulder. "I did so many horrific things and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me completely…"

"Hate you?" Tara said incredulously, "how could I ever hate you Willow? You're my everything, my entire world! Every single thing you did was because you were hurting, and baby I could feel your pain. I sat up there, watching you and all I felt was your pain, all I heard was your thoughts. I stayed with you, constantly."

"About Kennedy…" Willow said sheepishly. "She was… nothing. She was there, and she filled a hole. I had this big, gaping empty hole inside of me where you were, where a part of you always lived in me and when you died… I felt like I'd had a part of my soul torn in two! I felt empty and bare, and so angry and hurt! Then along came Kennedy. She kind of made that hole a little smaller, at least sometimes. Other times I just felt more alone that ever though. I missed you so much baby."

"Oh sweetie I missed you too, so much. And I don't care about Kennedy, I understand. She seemed nice enough anyway."

"I suppose so." Willow shrugged. "But now we're just going to have to make up for lost time I guess."

"I know just where to start…" Tara said playfully. She gently slid her hand under Willow's tank top, feeling the soft warmth beneath her fingertips. Willow shuddered at the touch, revelling in how much better Tara was than Kennedy. She'd almost forgotten.

Tara slowly kissed up Willow's neck, landing on her mouth and kissing her fervently and passionately. Willow returned this, deepening the kiss and pressing her tongue into Tara's. Tara slowly lifted Willow's top up over her head, smiling as Willow once again shuddered at the touch. Willow had forgotten this, the way Tara, the shy, quiet, inhibited girl, burst from her shell when she was aroused. Tara was bold and forceful and passionate when it came to sex, but all the while oddly tantalising and sensual. Tara kissed downwards again, stopping to taste every inch of her skin and lingering in the hollow at the base of her throat. Slowly but surely, Tara reached Willow's breasts and began the slowly and gently lick her taught nipples, gazing into Willow's eyes as she did so. Willow was breathing deeply now, aroused and sweaty. She began to claw at Tara's clothes, desperate to see her peachy skin again. Tara slowly stood, unbuttoning her blouse and letting it drop to the floor, revealing her soft curves and smooth skin. Willow slowly crawled forward, placing her hand on Tara's newly exposed breasts and massaging them gently. Tara leaned in and kissed her again. Now Willow knelt, slowly unbuttoning Tara's pants and letting them fall to the floor, leaving her standing there in a soft, lacy, black thong.

"They have nice threads in heaven, huh?" Willow chuckled. Suddenly, Tara was on top of her, raining kisses down her abdomen, slowly reaching closer and closer to where Willow desperately wanted her to be. Tara slowly pulled down Willow's skirt and underwear, already feeling her girlfriend's wetness. Willow flipped their position, now she was on top and Tara was sitting on the edge of their bed. Willow carefully straddled Tara, resting her pussy over Tara's and wrapping her legs around Tara's soft hips.

"Well hello there Miss Rosenberg," Tara quirked an eyebrow. Willow slowly began grinding her pelvis in a careful circular motion, her clit now throbbing. Tara pulled her in closer so that Willow was rubbing up against Tara's clit. Both at the same time, they felt the first waves of an orgasm plunge them into oblivion, but they resurfaced a minute later, still hungry for more. Willow pushed Tara backwards so that her head was almost touching the headboard, and gently began flicking Tara's clit with her tongue and tasting the sweet nectar that dripped from her girlfriend's pussy. Willow circled and pushed and them slowly inserted two fingers, rubbing Tara carefully. Suddenly, Tara raised her hips toward Willow, begging for more. Willow began thrusting harder and faster and began kissing the blonde witch's clit, sucking and flicking and tasting her. She circled her tongue, increasing the pressure and feeling the light throb of Tara's pulse in her own mouth. The throbbing intensified and Willow felt Tara's entire body tense up, her back arching and her legs shaking. Tara suddenly screamed, louder than Willow had ever heard before.

"Oh my Goddess Willllooooooooow!" Willow sucked and flicked her clit faster, still gently stroking her with two fingers. She held Tara in the throes of her orgasm for a few long moments. Tara moaned and squirmed and slowly relaxed, her orgasm leaving her breathless as she planted a soft kiss on the side of Willow's neck.

"I wonder what they're up to?" Faith scoffed sarcastically. The room she shared with Buffy shared a wall with Willow and Tara's room and she could now hear Red screaming Tara's name. Buffy laughed. She was still in the bathroom and Faith could hear the shower running.

"Why'd you do it B? I mean, you totally did the right thing, but what made you choose Tara?" Faith went and leant against the bathroom door.

"Because, I wanted the old Willow back. Not sad, unconfident, miserable Willow. I need her, and I need Tara. If we're going to beat this thing, we want them both. Individually, they're strong. Together, they're stronger."

"I don't think it was all about tactics though." Faith smiled slightly. As cold and detached as Buffy could seem, she always had her reasons, and they were always pretty brilliant.

"No." Buffy said slowly. "Admittedly it wasn't. I wanted her back, Faith. Tara was one of my best friends. I told her everything, she knew things I didn't even tell Willow. I missed her, I missed her energy and her light, I missed the way she made me feel so good about myself in a really crap situation. I missed her. And I missed the person Willow was when she was around. Willow wouldn't have lasted forever with Tara gone. I suppose she would have held it together for a while, but she was never going to be whole again, not really. She would have had something happen, and she would have fallen straight off into the deep end again. And you know what Faith?"

"What?"

"I don't think we could stop her a second time around."

"But it's all okay now?"

"It's all okay now." The smaller slayer said over the rush of shower water. "Tara's back, and she's going to teach Willow. She'll show her how to do it all right." She paused. "Faith?"

"Yeah, B?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure." The dark slayer smiled through the door.

"The Powers That Be told me something, something about Willow and Tara."

"You gotta spill babe."

"Well, they said that they're soul mates. But the special kind. As in, their souls were magically bonded, so that they literally became two people sharing the one soul. They have a connection deeper than any of us could ever imagine. It's why Willow did what she did, why she hurt so bad."

"Why Tara could feel it even though she was dead?" Faith asked.

"Exactly." Buffy turned off the water. "They're special, you know. They were made for each other. If they're ever separated, it'll kill them."

Buffy emerged from the bathroom, dripping wet still and wonderfully, deliciously naked.

"Well well well B. I find that I'm much more interested now in what we're doing…"

Faith grabbed her newfound lover around the waist and pushed her down onto the bed, kissing her passionately and just as Faith began to slowly lick up Buffy's thighs, they heard the guttural moans, and then the screams, of Tara's second climax.

"Go red." Faith muttered, and slowly began flicking her tongue around Buffy's sweet spot.


	2. Getting With the Soul Connection

_My Goddess_

Chapter 2 – Getting With the Soul Connection

Tara was glowing. Literally glowing. As in, she had a gold aura of light encapsulating her entire body.

"Now I knew I could give you a good orgasm, but this is a whole new level." Willow chuckled.

"Sweetie, look!" Tara gasped. "You're glowing too!" The two witches were suddenly filled with a heady, pleasurable rush and then a slight hum began in Willow's head. _Holy crap she's beautiful… and the gold… I wonder what that's all about and… whoah! What am I hearing, that's so not me thinking! Oh my Godddess I have to ask Willow what's happening._

"Will, something really freaking strange is happening…"

"I can hear you thoughts!" Willow gasped.

"And I can hear yours!" Tara looked around. The gold glow had gone, but in its wake was a tiny, golden star that was in the perfect centre of her wrist, glowing slightly. She held out her wrist in wonderment, and Willow did the same, revealing a matching star.

"I love you baby."

"And I love you." Willow kissed Tara's nose shyly.

"You really are a part of me now miss Rosenberg," Tara said, snuggling down and spooning herself around the smaller witch. Willow looked round at her and smiled lovingly.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

**Back to the morning where everyone's screwing**

Now that Tara was back and she and Willow had the mind-magic going on, Dawn could understand why they spent most of their time screwing – really only surfacing for bathroom breaks and food. But then there was Buffy and Faith. They'd been together for almost two months now, but apparently their sex life was anything but thin… Dawn walked past their door and heard Buffy's moan of pleasure followed by a slight growl from Faith. At least they had finally pushed past all that awkward sexual tension. Jeeze, when Faith had first come to town, when Buffy was still in High School, the sexual tension between them was so intense Dawn thought that if they didn't screw soon, she might force them to. The night they met it was like 'Hi, I'm Faith!' 'Imma go out on a limb and say there's a new slayer in town.' In Buffy's head: 'Fuck she's gorgeous, oh my God I really want to screw her, wow that alligator story…. Tell it again… oh my God she touched me! Fuck that top is tight… her boobs are amazing. How strong is Faith? Wow, look at her body…'

Dawn was pretty sure they should have just gotten it out of the way earlier – instead of Faith trying to steal Angel and Buffy gutting her for it, the two of them should have just gotten together and been done with the fighting. That was her opinion anyway. But what did she know? Buffy never took Dawn's point of view into account – though at the moment she seemed to be seriously considering Faith's. "Oh my God babyyyyyy!" Dawn shoved her hands over her ears and went down into the living room. Which was just below the room Xander and Anya had been doing it in all night. As much as they were adamant in their 'broken up' status, they sure seemed to be having a LOT of sex. Dawn didn't understand why they couldn't just get over it and get back together. She rolled her eyes and turned on the TV at max volume, hoping to drown out the sex. Wasn't having sex what unleashed those freaky demons in Lowell House in Buffy's freshman year? She considered going and telling Buffy that, but was distracted as all the potentials trooped into the house, led by Giles. Bye bye peace and quiet, Dawn thought miserably.

"Hey Dawn." Kennedy crashed down onto the couch next to her, slinging an arm over her shoulders. "What's up Kennedy?"

"Aw, nothing much. Staked a good half dozen vamps last night. Good times."

"Yes, yes indeed," Giles said, "Kennedy did quite, quite brilliantly last night."

"Spike still alive?" Dawn laughed. She knew how caught up in the moment Kennedy got.

"Yeah, I let him live. I figured he could wallow with me in the misery of the abandoned."

Dawn gasped. She'd totally forgotten! Kennedy had basically been unceremoniously dumped, and never even really broken up with. She was pretty sure Willow hadn't even spoken to her since the night before Tara came back.

"You okay Kennedy?" Dawn said more gently.

"You know what, I think I actually am." Kennedy smiled slightly. "I look at them and I see what every relationship should be like and I know that Willow was never really 'there' anyway." The potential shrugged. "I knew right from the start that I was only a sort of… rebound. Maybe a comfort. I even took advantage of that a little – which I am totally not proud of by the way – but she was really freaking good in bed!" Kennedy just shook her head. "I don't know. I suppose I'm just glad Willow's happy now. Tara meant the world to her."

"More." Dawn added quietly. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Kennedy piped up,

"So what about Buffy and Faith huh?"

"I know right!" Dawn laughed. "They're sweet together."

"I agree. But seriously, what's with all the hot lesbians in this house, are they all trying to drive me insane?" Kennedy was laughing. "Not that Buffy or Faith are exactly lesbians. I think they're more just into each other."

"Faith would screw anything that moved." Dawn added. Then as an afterthought, said, "but I think she really really cares about Buffy. If I didn't know Faith better I'd say they were in love."

"Maybe they are." Kennedy shrugged, then stood up, clapping her hands together. "Well, miss Dawn, I must get down to business – Buffy wants me to start working on flexibility and fighting stances with the girls."

Dawn smiled, then went back to watching her cartoons.


	3. A Quickie VS Plans

Okay, hoping you guys are liking, please pretty please reviews! This chapter is lower level pwp.. but we're getting to some very exciting stuff next chapter, so stick with me. This one's a little shorter.

Chapter 3 – Quickie vs Plans

"I like this," Anya said quietly. "I like being able to just lie here. It feels really familiar, you know?"

"Definitely," Xander murmured. "Familiar and comfortable and easy."

"Plus, multiple orgasms are always fun."

"That they are, An. That they are."

"So what are we?" The Vengeance Demon asked after a moment. "I'm a demon, and you're a human. A human male."

"Well observed."

"And I punish your kind. But I don't want to punish you Xander. I want to lie in bed and have lots of sex."

"I'm quite glad," Xander chuckled, running his finger's over the blonde's bare stomach.

"So what are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well we aren't back together, are we? Are we just having fun? Are we in a relationship or we just orgasm friends?"

Xander sighed. "I don't know, An. I really don't know." He shook his head and rolled over so he was looking into her big brown eyes. "You know I still love you right?" He asked more gently.

"I love you too!" She said accusingly, then more softly, "I never stopped loving you." She turned away, sliding to the edge of the bed and began to dress.

"An…."

"You left Xander! You left me, humiliated and sad and it hurt! I wanted to rip out your viscera!"

"And you know what, I probably deserved that, viscera and all. I did a horrible thing, but I was stupid. I love you, Anya Jenkins. I love you." He slid an arm around her and she stood, pulling away. "I love you." She still fought against his strong arms. "I love you." Suddenly, the young woman stopped fighting. She turned to face Xander and looked into his deep, sad eyes. She looked away, confused and upset. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was a Vengeance Demon now. But those arms… his strong, warm arms where she fit so perfectly, as if his body had moulded around her during the long nights and was made just for her now… What if walking out now was as big a mistake as it had been when he left her at the altar a year ago? She looked at him, his pleading eyes, the soft bow of his mouth and she kissed him, at first gently but the forcefully, passionately, trying to pull back the last year they should have had together.

"I love you too."

"Where's my bra?" Tara was half under the bed and completely naked, her butt sticking up in the air as she hunted for the clothing that had been discarded days ago. Willow laughed and reached up above her head, pulling the flimsy lace boob-holder off of the ceiling fan. Tara smiled, sitting up and taking the undergarment.

"Do we have to put clothes on?" Willow whined, staring forlornly at her wardrobe.

"Unless we want to scare the crap out of the potentials, probably sweetie."

Willow mumbled something in annoyance, but gave Tara a glowing smile, chucking the lace thong at her girlfriend. "I've missed you, so much. You know you're perfect right? In every conceivable way."

"Aww sweetie, I missed you too. And you're still thinking about my boobs."

"What?" Willow said. "No I was not!"

"Baby, I can _hear _your thoughts now, remember. And I appreciate your adoration very much." Tara smiled, pulling the redhead toward her and wrapping her arms around the girl. "I like yours too."

"Bye bye clothes!" Willow slid to her knees in front of Tara, and with one lithe movement, ripped off the blonde's thong with her teeth.

A little over half an hour later, Willow lay panting, her arms wrapped around Tara.

"Intense," The blonde breathed.

"Understatement of the century…" Willow snuggled deeper into the arms of her love.

They lay together for a moment, listening to the thoughts of the other. "You know what," Willow said after a moment, "It worries me when you think so much about scythes."

"At least it's scythes not swords – much less phallicy." She gave Willow a little smile.

"You have an idea brewing, I can tell." Willow smiled.

"I'm right on the edge…" Tara sat up, her brow furrowed in concentration. Willow's eyes widened as she listened to Tara's thoughts race, they were flying so fast she could barely follow them. "Oh!" She cried softly, jumping up and crouching, still completely naked in front of their spell books. Tara's thoughts were so jumbled that Willow still wasn't following, so she just leant back and watched the blonde pour over the books, enjoying her figure silently.

"Yes, oh yes…" Tara whispered. "This might actually…" She looked up at Willow, her eyes shining, her thoughts slowing. She held the redhead's gaze for a moment and at exactly the same time both said, "We can win this thing!"

"Take a look around. Who would have thought we'd all still be here now? So let's take this chance, cause the future is so frigging unclear! We got nothing better to do. We're just trying to get through this mess. And guess what B? We're gonna come out alive and kicking."

"Faith, it's you, and it's me and all of those potentials and…. I don't know why, but I can't keep my eyes off of you…" She grabbed her girlfriend and roughly pulled her close, capturing the dark slayer's lips with her own. "I think that we can take a chance, because we've got nothing to do but fight, and nothing to prove to anyone except ourselves and nothing to lose if we try. So who cares what time it is, what day, what month because you are mine, and I'm yours and all I can think about right now is you, having you and touching you and being with you forever and ever, because Faith, when I look into your eyes the future doesn't seem scary, it seems amazing and more than anything I want it to start."

"We can do it," Faith whispered quietly, pushing her body up against Buffy's and whispering into her ear. "We can win this thing and come hell or highwater – both of which are very possible in in ol' SD – I'm gonna be fighting by your side."

"I love you, Faith." Buffy whispered, pressing her lips against her girlfriend's.

And for the very first time in her life, Faith whispered, "I love you too."

Xander's heart skipped a beat. He couldn't feel anything and his entire body felt like it was on fire, the blood was pounding in his ears and he desperately wanted to run forward and ravish the naked woman standing at the foot of his bed. No, he told himself sternly. Just look for now. Anya slowly unhooked her bra and threw it at Xander, then stepped carefully out of her underwear. Slowly, she moved forward, crawling up to him gradually on all fours making a throaty growling sound. She reared up on her knees pressing her palms against Xander's bare chest. He shuddered, looking at the perfect pert breasts below him.

"Kiss me like you mean it!" Anya growled, grabbing him roughly and kissing him, rolling his tongue in her mouth and nipping at his bottom lip. She pushed him backward so he was laying on his back a straddled him, grinding her pelvis against his thigh. Xander shuddered again, feeling her wetness. Her chest heaved and her cheeks flushed as she became more and more aroused. He pulled her forward and started kissing her again, then slid forward slightly, letting himself enter her. She gasped, feeling his hard dick inside of her. He thrust harder and faster, kissing her up and down and sucking on her hard nipples. Anya now had high spots of colour on each cheek and was panting. Suddenly she gripping Xander's shoulders tightly, screaming his name just as he screamed hers. All of a sudden, whilst they were both mid-orgasm, the shrill voice of the youngest Summers girl called up to them.

"Giles says if you don't both get down here in the next forty seconds he's coming in!"

"That's kind of what I was part way through doing…" Xander mumbled, groaning slightly as Anya slid off him.

"Sorry," she said pointedly, looking at his penis. They both dressed quickly, but rather disgruntled.

All of the potentials, Buffy, Faith, Dawn, Xander, Anya and Giles were all crammed into the living room, looking intently at Willow and Tara. They were both glowing with happiness and nerves at the spark of this new idea.

"So what did'ya call us all down here for girls?" Faith asked brightly.

"We have a plan. A good one."

"I think," Tara said quietly, "We might just be able to win this fight."


	4. A Surprise Visitor

_My Goddess_

WE HAVE OZ. Please review and tell me what you think - Oz has a bit of a crush on Tara, which will be developed much more in a couple of chapters... Enjoy and REVIEW please :)

Chapter 4 – A Surprise Visitor

Tara, intermittently aided by Willow's babble, talked them all through the idea that had been formulating in her mind for days. "So, it's power. That's basically what we can give you."

Buffy's eyes were clouded with tears. She stood up slowly, then darted forward and wrapped her arms around her friend. Tara stroked Buffy's hair gently.

"You've done it," Buffy whispered quietly. "You've figured it out."

The blonde slayer turned back to her girlfriend and kissed her full on the mouth, running her fingers through Faith's dark hair, a weight suddenly lifted from both of them.

Giles was standing in the back of the room beaming with pride and a renewed hope – and for the first time ever, wasn't polishing his glasses while Buffy and Faith made out.

After a long silence, Kennedy piped up, "so how long do you think we have, before the end?"

"The Codex of prophecies says not until near the end of the year. Things have to get a lot worse still, the civilians haven't even realised what's going on yet and the Codex reads that we should have close to sixty potentials when the time comes, we only have fifteen of you." Giles answered.

"This is the Codex that predicted that I would die in 1997? Trustworthy…"

"In the Codex's defence, you did die Buffy," Giles countered, "you just didn't _stay _dead."

"Mm-hm." Buffy smiled though, and settled in Faith's lap. "So if we believe what it says, we have almost four months?"

"Roughly." Giles said. "But we need to start preparing now. It's vital that our potentials are as well trained as possible. Kennedy, Vi, I must ask you not to tell any of the other potentials of the plans, we allowed you two to hear because you are the most advanced, but please, this must be a secret operation. Willow and Tara will need all the time they can get to get the spell in working order."

The two potentials nodded. Just then, the door bell rang.

"I'll get it," Tara said brightly. She jumped up and moved to the front door, opening it slowly. There before her stood a weak, injured young man, with sandy hair and light skin. His leg was torn beyond recognition and he was barely standing, supporting his weight on a pot plant.

"Oz!" Tara cried.

"Hi, Tara…" He winced and Tara quickly grabbed him by the arm as he slipped to the ground.

"Willow, Buffy come quickly!" Tara was completely shocked. She couldn't believe the man that was now bleeding to death in front of her had been the one to almost kill her three years ago.

The two women came running, Buffy stopped short gasping and Willow's eyes widened and she slowly took a step back. Tara rolled her eyes – they were ever so proactive in the face of crisis – and lifted Oz gently, supporting most of his weight on her own shoulder. Willow quickly jumped into action.

"Tara sweetie, what supplies do you need?"

"Uh, bloodstone, ash bark, the book with the healing spells, motherwart and some enchanted ground root. And some bandages." Tara lifted Oz and carefully placed him on the counter in the kitchen, Buffy placing towels under his head. He groaned slightly as Tara touched his leg.

"What happened, Oz?" She asked.

"I got attacked by a werewolf… she was vicious and I'd managed not to change that night… she," he winced again, "she practically tore my leg off. I was on my way to LA, but I was closer to here and I needed help and I didn't know where else to go…"

"Shh, it's fine Oz." Tara carefully slit the mangled leg of his pants with a knife to examine the damage. "Oh God…" Tara gasped, the damage to Oz's leg was horrific! The flesh of his thigh had been torn and mangled and in places she could even see the bone, his knee was horrifically twisted and his calf had a huge chunk bitten out of it. Willow came running down into the kitchen clutching an armful of magic supplies.

"Thanks sweetie," Tara said, but she looked worried. All she could think was that she didn't know if she could fix him! Tara had done healing spells before, but she'd never attempted something so… drastic.

"Baby you'll be fine!" Willow said, countering Tara's unspoken thoughts. Tara just shook her head, overwhelmed at the mess in front of her.

"Out of curiosity," Spike said, sauntering into the kitchen, "why didn't you go to the hospital?"

"Because they'd cut it off," Oz and Tara said simultaneously. Oz smiled.

"If Tara and Willow can't fix it, I'll go to the hospital," Oz said softly, "but I wanted to at least try. She can't make it any worse."

"True." Tara offered him a small smile. "Now Oz, this is going to hurt like hell…"

She rifled through the pages of her book, then, settling on a spell, began to lay out her ingredients.

"Willow baby, could you start mixing up the herbal ointment?"

_Sure_. Willow replied in her head. _I love you, you're amazing._

"I love you too." Tara said out loud. Oz gave them a strange look.

Tara picked up the powdered bloodstone and motherwort and sprinkled both carefully over Oz's leg. He winced, his face tightening in pain. Tara looked at him, worried. She hated hurting people, even her girlfriend's ex.

"Goddess Panacea, work thy charms, call upon the elements, Earth, wind, water and fire thrice. Heal the ailing and bleed the wounds, heal thine humble servants and make them well! So mote it be." Tara hovered her hands over Oz's leg, now incanting softly in Greek. As she spoke, gold tendrils of light began winding out of her fingertips and lacing the edges of Oz's wounds, knitting his leg back together. A warmth flooded through her, but she suddenly went cold, the spell was difficult and her power was waning. Willow felt Tara's energy shift and put down the herbal concoction she was brewing, quickly linking her hands with Tara's.

"Are you okay to do this?" Tara asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," the redhead answered.

Oz shuddered as their energies combined, feeling his wound healing fast.

Willow and Tara's voices faded slowly, both of them stopping, panting heavily and shuddering, exhausted from their efforts. Xander walked into the room just as they came down from their magical high, and burst out laughing.

"My man Oz! You got some of that action already?" He slapped Oz's outstretched hand, still chuckling at his _oh so original _'magic orgasm' joke.

"Sure." Tara rolled her eyes, but then turned, concerned, to Oz. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I had my leg torn to shreds."

"Expected." Tara answered, offering him a small, comforting smile. Willow, still a little shaky from getting with the big magic stood back a little, wondering why the room wasn't more awkward. Seriously, her current girlfriend and ex-boyfriend? But they were getting along, both being totally genuine with their smiles and kind words. Willow was kind of scared that they might suddenly start screaming at each other…

Tara slowly started winding one of the bandages around the still raw flesh of Oz's leg, strapping it tightly from the top of his thigh down to his ankle. She taped a splint in place and began winding a second bandage around the wounded werewolf. The spell had obviously worked very well, and it wouldn't be long before Oz's leg was as good as new, but for now it was down to herbal paste and bandages to finish the healing.

Oz tried very hard not the shudder as Tara's soft hands brushed his inner thigh as she began bandaging him. As much pain as he was in, he still couldn't help but notice how damn attractive Willow's girlfriend was! He had vaguely registered her attractiveness three years ago when he returned to Sunnydale for the first time, but by the time he got to have a good look at her, he was already too upset and angry with her to really notice, but now… Well, he was suddenly painfully aware of the woman's soft curves, full lips and _incredible _cleavage. Everything about her looked like a classical painting, with her long golden hair and deep, blue eyes… He shook his head, come on Oz! This girl is dating your _ex_! The woman you were in love with for five years! Plus, she's a lesbian; he knew he had about as much hope with her as he had with _Xander_. But then those soft hands were on his leg again and this time accompanied by a soft smile, oh wow, that smile… Oz groaned inwardly. He couldn't believe it; he was falling for the woman his girlfriend picked over him… A woman who had, without her knowledge, destroyed the best relationship he'd ever had. But he found that he didn't really care. She was beautiful, and from the bits and pieces he'd heard from Willow and Angel, very clever too.

"There you go," Tara said gently. "It'll take a few days, but you'll be back on your feet in no time."

Oz smiled at her, "Thanks, Tara."

She returned his smile brightly, "no problem, I may not have been exhilarated when I saw you, but I wasn't about to let you bleed to death on the doormat." She laughed lightly, her smile widening and she turned gracefully, almost as if she were dancing and fell lithely into Willow's arms, kissing her passionately. Willow's hands wound through Tara's hair, and she giggled slightly as Tara's hands settled on her lower back. They broke their kiss, their foreheads still resting together.

"I love you," Willow said.

"I love you too baby." Tara pulled back and then leant in, kissing her lightly again. Oz was trying not to watch the girls. The way they touched each other, spoke – it all seemed so intimate, like he was intruding on a private moment by even being in the room. They fit. Xander noticed Oz's obvious discomfort and hiked himself up on the bench beside the wolf.

"You get used to it after a bit, they're not the same as Buffy and Faith, it's like they have this weird connection between them, everything they do seems really… close." He shrugged. "Ever since Tara came back they've been doing the PDA thing a lot more though." He chuckled.

"Came back?" Oz said, gingerly sitting up.

"From the dead."

Oz stared in disbelief, "Tara _died_? When?"

"Oh, almost a year ago," Xander replied nonchalantly. "Buff brought her back with a wish. Like a long service gift or something… Ever since she's been back though, she and Will have had this whacky mind connection thing going on. They can hear each other's thoughts."

"Soul connections? Wow… I thought that was a myth." Oz shrugged, now feeling especially guilty about his lust-filled thoughts about Tara. A soul connection, that was huge. It only occurs between two pure souls that are united through their love – it supposedly only happened once in a generation, if that. Only if the pair were truly so perfectly matched that it would, in effect, end the world if they were taken away from each other. Which, Oz supposed, is what actually kind of happened. Word about Willow's attempt to destroy the world last year spread across the entire planet, Oz heard when he was in Tibet and got a lot more info when he stopped in LA about six months ago. She was, even though she didn't know it, one of the most feared women in the world – right up there with Buffy, however not just the evil were scared of Willow – so were the good. The more magically knowledgeable knew that the worst of the danger had passed, but Willow's foray into the dark arts meant that she basically had a 'get-out-of-jail-free' pass with every demon in the world – none of them wanted to fight her. She was as famous as the Slayer now. With Tara back, of course it meant that Willow was extremely unlikely to go all Dark Phoenix again, but the rest of the planet obviously didn't know this.

Oz shook his head slowly. So much had happened since he left – he was kind of shocked really. At Willow especially, what with the "evil-lesbian-witch" thing. Not that she was exactly evil, but she had been for a while. He knew from personal experience that Willow had an addictive personality – he shuddered at the memory of the summer when she discovered The Golden Girls – and that's why he'd had his reservations about the magic thing. Willow was smart, sensible … but he knew how quickly things could get out of hand, especially with a personality like hers. Still. She had Tara now, and he was quite sure that Tara would never let anything happen again – being dead didn't exactly hold her back after all. Oz glanced toward the girls who were now whispering softly to each other, Tara's hands cupped protectively around Willow's face, her hips pressed against the red-head's narrower ones. Tara rocked her hips slightly, pressing closer into Willow and curving her back, making the soft swell of her breast seem more prominent. Oz couldn't help staring at the Goddess-like woman. Looking at her he could certainly understand why Willow had fallen in love with her, heck, Oz would have left _himself _to have Tara… No no no! He groaned internally, once again reprimanding himself for having these lustful thoughts for Tara… Xander was still transfixed on the PDA from Willow and Tara, but Spike re-emerged from the living room, quirking an eyebrow at Oz.

"I know the blonde bird is mighty fine, but you ain't gonna get anywhere near her." Spike chuckled happily, obviously taking rather a lot of pleasure in Oz's mixed feelings. Willow and Tara, roused by the voices behind them came back to the present, both with a slight blush on their cheeks.

"Oz…" Tara said hurriedly, going over to him and checking the bandages on his leg. "Okay, these look good, but I think you should rest."

"He can have my bed, T." Faith sauntered into the kitchen with a bright smile. "I've been bunking with B the last few weeks anyways."

"Thanks Faith," Oz gave her an appreciative smile, then did a double take, "you and Buffy?"

Faith nodded happily.

"I can't say I'm surprised…" the werewolf intoned.

"That's what everyone says," Faith replied, sounding slightly amused. "Apparently you lot all saw the sexual tension _long _before we did."

"It was ridiculous." Giles came into the kitchen, polishing his glasses, "I was a stuffy old librarian and even _I _noticed."

Faith snorted, but slid her arm around Buffy as the blonde slayer entered the room, followed by Anya.

"So, everyone, Oz is back. Oz, everyone." Willow gestured to the room at large.

"How long are you going to stay for?" Dawn asked.

"I'll get out of your hair as soon as possible… I don't want to be an inconvenience." Oz struggled into a sitting position.

"Nonsense!" Tara rolled her eyes, pushing him back down. "He's staying until he's better and as long as he likes after that."

"You don't mind?" Oz directed his question at Willow.

"Sweetie, I really am over you. It doesn't bother me at all." Willow laughed, snaking her arm around Tara.

Kennedy burst into the kitchen brightly. "Who's the new guy?" She bounced forward, without waiting for an answer and stuck out her hand. "I'm Kennedy."

Willow put a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God, Kennedy I'm so sorry!" She looked stricken, but Kennedy just laughed.

"Don't worry Willow, you guys make way more sense than you and I ever did." She shrugged, "plus, I met this _gorgeous _chick at the Bronze last night."

Willow smiled. "Good. I'm really glad you're okay." She offered the Potential a small smile.

"Wait…" Oz looked even more confused. "Kennedy was with Willow?"

"While I was dead." Tara supplied.

"Now that she's back, I kind of forgot to break up with Kennedy." Willow looked at the ground awkwardly.

"Wow. Okay. I'm Oz." He smiled at Willow's ex. They already had something in common after all – being left for Tara.

"_The _Oz?"

Willow nodded.

"You talk about me Will, I'm flattered." Oz laughed. He looked Kennedy up and down, she was pretty, he supposed. Maybe even sexy. She was tall-ish, very slim, with dark hair and dark eyes that had a mischievous glint in them, reminiscent of a young Faith. As attractive as this girl was, however, he could honestly say he wasn't interested. Not while Tara was in the room. Why did the blonde have to be so damn beautiful?

"How's the apocalypse going?" asked the potential slayer.

"It's going," Buffy conceded, "but now that we have our _incredible _plan, I think we might actually be ready."

"And according to Giles' codex, we have time too," Tara added. Dawn gave Tara a worried look.

"But what if it doesn't work Tara?"

Tara slid her arm around the youngest Summers, "Aw, Dawnie, I'm sure it'll all be fine, especially with you as our number one research gal." Tara reached her hands around Dawn's waist, tickling her affectionately, making the young girl squirm.

"I missed you Tara." Dawn hugged the witch, then pulled back, smiling.

"I missed you too Dawnie."


	5. Effeminate Phone Call

_My Goddess_

**Chapter 5 – Effeminate Phone Call **

**Hey everyone, just thought I'd let you know I've messed with the timing a bit here – assume we're still in the first half of season seven, but I'm borrowing from "Lies My Parents Told Me" and the Angel episode "Orpheus". Also – we assume Faith came into the picture a lot earlier (e.g, 7x1) Please review - I want to see waht you think of Willow, especially in this chapter.  
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The next few days in the house on Revello drive passed uneventfully, save for the arrival of five more potentials. Oz was gaining strength, however was not yet well enough to walk around without help and Buffy and Faith were working the Potentials harder than ever. It was as if the witches' plan had lifted the energy of the house, and everyone was working with a renewed vigour. It was late one Sunday morning, as Willow and Tara were just dragging themselves out of bed and down to the kitchen, when the phone rang. Tara was changing Oz's bandages muttering her incantation, still meshing the flesh together, and Willow was flipping eggs, so Andrew picked up the phone.

"Summers' residence," he said brightly. "Uh, Willow...call for you from L.A. Somebody named Fred. The guy sounds kind of effeminate."

"Oh my God, Andrew…" Willow dropped her spatula and snatched the phone out of Andrew's hand.

"Hey, Fred. Yeah? Oh… Oh my God! Of course…I haven't done anything that big in a while but…yes, sure. I'm sure I can handle it… I can't handle that!"

Tara looked up, concerned. She had a tight knot of worry in the pit of her stomach – being able to hear Willow's thoughts, meant that she could hear Fred's end of the conversation. This was huge.

"What if I bring a Slayer? See you tonight."

"I have to go, now… to LA, you understand?" Willow grabbed Tara and kissed her roughly, then ran upstairs, before scuttling back down. "You can come if you want baby?"

Tara shook her head, "I want to Sweetie, I can't stand the thought of you doing that kind of magic alone, but I can't leave Oz," she looked at Willow sadly.

"As much as I thought I'd never hear that sentence come out of _your _mouth, I understand. And baby," she said, then in reply to Tara's thoughts, "I'll be just fine." She ran back up the stairs, calling over her shoulder, "Faith! We're going on a road trip!"

Willow had decided that it would be safer to take Faith with her than Buffy, after all, a trip to LA was exactly what Buffy _didn't _need right now – Angel made her all angsty. The red-head threw together a duffle bag packed with overnight things and a second, larger bag filled with magic supplies.

"So, where are we headed, Red?" Faith asked, looking over Willow's shoulder into the bag of magic supplies.

"We're going to LA, where you're going to knock Angel out."

"Why am I knocking him out?"

"Let me rephrase – you are going to knock _Angelus _out. Then I shall re-ensoul him, and we'll be back here by lunchtime on Tuesday."

"So that's why we're not bringing B… She doesn't fare well when her vamp is all soul-free."

"Precisely." Willow hurried across the room, rifling through boxes. "Fred says that they've 'lost' his soul, it was stolen. So we need to smash the jar it's in and then I can re-cast it."

"Are you sure you're up for that Red? It's wicked heavy magic."

"I'll be fine – you don't easily forget the first spell you ever cast. But your job is important, we need to keep Angelus, uh, incapacitated. You can do that however the hell you want."

"He has to be unconscious?"

"Yes."

Faith looked down over the landing into the living room. Buffy was sitting cross-legged on the floor, playing with Miss Kitty and laughing, talking animatedly to Tara. Faith felt a sudden pang of sadness, knowing the plan that was coursing through her mind. She darted down the stairs, grabbed Buffy and hauled her up, wrapping the blonde's legs around her waist. She kissed her hard, slipping her tongue between her soft lips and deepening the kiss. Buffy kissed her back, nipping at her bottom lip and hitching herself higher on Faith's hips.

"What was that for?" The blonde slayer said, leaning back.

"Just sayin' my goodbyes," Faith gave Buffy a small smile. Willow appeared around the corner,

"Just got a phone call. Faith and I gotta take off for a little while, maybe a day or so..."

"Is something wrong?" Buffy asked, suddenly concerned, she slid down Faith's body, stretching out as though readying for a fight.

"Nothing you need to worry about. I'll give you the full scoop later. Hopefully I'll bring back some good news."

"And Faith's going because?"

"I need slayer power, but you won't want to be the power, Buff."

"You're going to LA aren't you?"

"We're leaving pretty much now."

Buffy nodded, then looked at the floor. "Do what you have to do."

Faith felt the familiar knot in her belly at the thought. How far would she have to go? Would it kill her? Was that worth it if it stopped Angelus?

"I love you," Faith breathed, lighting a kiss on Buffy's lips, before picking up her bag and heading toward the door.

"I'll be there in a minute Faith." Willow turned and walked through to the back of the house. "Giles?" She called. He walked out of the back yard, coming back into the house with a look of concern on his face.

"Willow, I talked to Fred… Are you ready for this?"

"I just have to be don't I?"

"But oughtn't you take Tara? For grounding?"

"I can't, she has to keep the spell going for Oz."

Giles nodded. "Well good luck, and remember, you're allowed to stop when it gets too much."

"I know. Thanks, Giles." She hugged him tightly. "Also, would you happen to know where the Orb of Thesulah is? I figured, ask before using magic to find it."

"You're learning Willow, I'm glad. And it's on my desk. I've been using it as a paperweight…"

"See you soon, okay baby?" Willow kissed Tara gently.

"Be careful, love." Tara touched Willow's cheek, offering her a small smile.

"Bye Oz." Oz raised a hand in goodbye.

"I love you baby," Tara called after her.

"I love you too."

"I'll be there, the entire time." She whispered.

"Red?" Faith met her at the front door. "I know how I'm going to slow Angel down."

"Oh! That's good Faith."

"It's just… It's wicked dangerous. I know that it's bad, but it'll give you a better chance than anything else I think."

"Faith…" Willow stopped her, "how dangerous are we talking, exactly?"

She took a deep breath, then said slowly, calmly, "Orpheus."


	6. Alone With the Wolf

Okay - we get to see a big bit of Tara/Oz here (don't worry, I'm NOT separating W/T), which whilst writing I thought was a bit weird, but after re-reading, decided I actually liked. Tell me what you think because I'm still a little unsure.

Chapter 6 – Alone With the Wolf

Tara was going to have to sleep alone tonight, and the thought really did bum her out. She'd been back two weeks now, and since then was pretty sure she hadn't gone longer that about nine hours without having sex. She didn't know if she could last two whole days. She shrugged, walking through the house into the kitchen and taking over cooking from Dawn – before she burned the house down.

"Tara, I can cook spaghetti."

"Sweetie, you're meant to take it off the stove _before _it turns into a hard ball in the bottom of the pan."

Dawn blushed, but conceded and hiked herself up onto a stool to watch Tara battle the rock hard ex-pasta. "So…" The girl said, "first night back without Willow huh?"

"Yeah. It's weird. I'm so used to her being my little shadow, I feel kind of… lost without her."

"Plus, your souls are all connecty now. That must make it harder."

"It does. It's like a whole part of me is missing when she's not close."

"Can you still hear each other's thoughts from far away?" Dawn asked curiously.

"Kind of." Tara looked up from her pan, "It's like having a really bad radio signal, it's all fuzzy and quiet and fades in and out the further away she gets. Every now and again it'll come through, but only when she's actually trying to get my attention, or thinking about me."

"So, like all the time?" Dawn laughed.

"Well, yeah…" Tara blushed. "Every few minutes she thinks about how much she loves me. I can hear that most of the time."

"You are just the most adorable twosome of cuteness," Dawn paused, "how's the pasta going?"

"I'm actually considering using magic to get it off… because the paint scraper isn't working. I might try a chisel first."

"That's why you and Willow are different." Dawn said matter of factly.

"What do you mean, Dawnie?"

"Willow would use magic the instant she saw the mess, you use magic when nothing else works."

"That's why Willow got addicted, Dawn. She relied too heavily on it. If you can do something the natural way, you should. No point messing with the laws of nature if you can do it with your hands."

"You're teaching her, aren't you?"

"I picked up from where Giles left off. Willow still has a long way to go, but she's doing well."

"Are you scared about the magic she has to do with Fred and Cordelia?"

"A little. But I think she can handle it, she's gotten a lot stronger." Tara rolled her eyes, "Dawn, this pot is beyond saving." She placed it on the counter, hovered a hand over it and murmured, "Tergeo!" The pot was instantly shining, as if brand new. "Let's try this again shall we?" The blonde witch smiled as she poured more pasta into the newly cleaned pot.

Oz was lying on his back in the backyard, staring up at the stars and waning moon. It made him feel small, insignificant looking up at the stars. He remembered with a small smile something that Willow told him when they had only just started dating.

_They make me feel like I'm a part of something huge._

Maybe she was right. Maybe he wasn't tiny and insignificant. Maybe he was just another puzzle piece in something huge, something wonderful.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Tara's soft voice drifted from the balcony. She walked down slowly, standing next to him, smiling, her neck craned to stare at the beautiful, twinkling stars. Oz patted the ground next to him and Tara sat down, hugging her knees. The werewolf sat up, moving slightly closer to her. Tara shivered slightly, feeling the first tendrils of winter chill begin to creep around her. Oz immediately shrugged out of his jacket, wrapping it snugly around Tara's shoulders. She gave him an appreciative smile, then turned her head back to the sky.

"I was a part of that."

"You were?" Oz replied, his voice low and soft.

"Yes. It was beautiful." Tara shook her head, she hadn't told anyone about her death yet, not even Willow – who knew it was best not to ask. "I was happy up there."

"Are you happy to be here?"

"Oh yes, it was peaceful and calm up there. Very beautiful. But I was empty. Down here, there's noise and light, and pain and sadness, but I'm free, and I'm full, I can feel hot or cold or happy or sad, things change, and I'm glad about that. Something was missing from me up there, but when I'm here I'm complete."

Oz stared at Tara and for the first time saw something that no one else did. He looked beyond her beauty, he looked beyond the tired lines of worry on her face, and saw something that he was quite sure wasn't there when he first met her three years ago. There was a sad wisdom behind her beautiful blue eyes, as though she knew something that no one on this planet should know, as if she'd seen what couldn't be unseen, she might be one of the only people who knew what true peace felt like.

"I'm sorry." He whispered quietly.

"You're the first one to say the right thing." Tara turned to the sandy-haired boy, tears sparkling in her eyes. Their faces were inches apart and Tara could feel Oz's warm breath. He looked into her sad eyes, as if for confirmation, before leaning in and kissing her gently, trying to draw her pain out through her mouth. They pulled apart, eyes wide. Tara put a hand to her lips, her heart pounding. Her entire body was burning and her first thought was to get up and run, but instead she lay back, staring up at the stars again. Oz followed suit, lying down so that their arms were just touching.

"I'm not broken," Tara said after a long moment, "not the way Buffy was. But I've seen what's ahead, and it's sad, and it's beautiful. But I belong here, on Earth. I belong with Willow and with magic and with love."

"It's just going to take some getting used to."

"It's just going to take some getting used to," Tara echoed softly.

"B-Buffy?" Tara breathed. "Buffy, are you awake?"

"Yes." The Slayer breathed back softly, beckoning the girl. Tara sat down on the bed next to Buffy, having just helped Oz up the stairs and into his room.

"Buffy something w-w-weird just h-happened…" Tara was all jittery, looking so anxious the Slayer felt genuinely sorry for her.

"You kissed Oz."

"What! I m-mean… how did you… what?"

"I'm psychic," the Slayer said brightly. Tara stared at her incredulously. "Yeah, okay. Joking. I saw through the wonderful invention called the _window_."

"Oh." Tara looked at her lap, her cheeks flaming. She looked up at the Slayer, "I can't believe I did that, Buffy! I'm in love with Willow, for God's sake our souls are connected… but I kissed someone else… a man!"

"Look, Tara, it's not like you actually have feelings for him… right?"

"No, no, of course not. I mean… I l-like him. But not like that."

"Then it was a one-off thing, calm down Tara."

"But I cheated on Willow!" Tara was nearly crying.

"Tah! Look, one five second kiss barely counts as cheating. If you feel that bad, just tell Willow when she gets back."

"Oh my God!" Tara gasped.

"What?" Buffy sprang to her feet, instantly ready for action.

"Willow! W-we can hear each other's thoughts, Goddess she probably knows already…"

"Look, I'm going to vouch for her being too distracted right now anyway. Tara, you need to calm down."

"God, you're right Buffy. You're right. I'm sorry, I'm being an idiot."

"Love makes you do the wacky." The girls lay back on Buffy's bed, both thinking about their girls in LA. Buffy turned her head to look at Tara. "So what's going on between you and Oz at the moment anyway?"

"Honestly? There's something between us." Tara looked at Buffy, choosing her words carefully. "He's very sweet, calm and gentle compared to someone like Xander or Spike. I care about him, you know? Not in a romantic way, jeeze, when I kissed him it wasn't even in a romantic way. It's just, he's noticed things that no one else has. He saw me, for real and it made me feel so ridiculously special, because he said what no one else would say to me. It's hard, becoming un-dead."

"Right there with you," laughed the Slayer.

"It's like he knows me so well, even though we've barely met each other. He's my friend, Buffy. It's not like when we first met and he was all hell-bent on getting Willow back, now he's just here. I think he's going to be important to me, Buffy. You know what I mean? He's not my Spike, he's definitely not my Willow."

"He's your Tara." Buffy ended.

"I think I'm my Tara…"

"No, as in, he's the one you can confide everything in and go to for things you can't even talk to your girlfriend or best friend about."

"He's my Tara," giggled the blonde witch. "Yes."


	7. Orpheus

Chapter 7 - Orpheus

**Okay, this is a long-un and I have to split it up a bit :P Hope you like where the story is headed, more relationship stuff next chapter. Hope it's not too confusing! Sorry about the long time since updating, been uber-busy. Anywho... TO THE STORY!**

"FAITH!" It was Willow's scream that caught Wesley's attention. Faith dropped to the ground completely unconscious, the ghost of a smile still on her face. Gunn hoisted the unconscious Angelus over his shoulder, Wesley gently scooping up Faith.

"What did she do to him?" Wesley asked, using his fingers to staunch the blood flow from Faith's neck where Angelus had drank from her.

"Orpheus." Breathed Willow.

Orpheus. It was an opiate – but a magical one. That's what makes it so dangerous. Orpheus isn't entirely physical. It's an enchanted drug. Faith had drugged herself, taking at least three times the average dose, and let Angelus bite her. It knocked him out. It would almost certainly kill her. If it didn't kill her, she sure as hell was in for some serious psychic psychedelia. And the more you take, the deeper you sink.

"It leads you down to hell."

"FAITH!" Tara awoke with Willow's scream on her lips, causing Buffy and Kennedy to come running… and Oz to come hobbling. Tara was shaking, having just watched Willow's world through her dreams. She'd watched Faith send an impressive punch into Angel's jaw, she'd watched Angel's fangs sink into Faith's creamy neck, she'd watched the poisoned vampire drop to the ground followed several seconds later by the drugged Faith. She'd felt Willow's fear and tasted her scream.

But, as the onlookers soon realised, Tara wasn't really awake. Her eyes were open and unseeing, her voice calm and cool as she spoke Willow's words. "It leads you down to hell."

Kennedy, shocked and frightened, ran out of the room, but Buffy settled herself at Tara's side, Oz sitting in front of the blonde witch.

"Hey Fred. It's good to see you." Tara looked to her left, Willow presumably seeing someone else, "Oh, and it's the Marlboro Man. Or at least his extra stubbly, mentally unstable, insomniac, first cousin of—for the love of Hecate, somebody stop me."

Tara shuddered, her eyes shuttering. She suddenly came back to the present, tears already forming.

"Buffy…"

"Shh, sh, Tara…" Buffy wrapped her arms around her friend, comforting her.

"What's happening to me?"

"I think you're channelling your witchy counterpart," Buffy said with a forced smile.

"It's probably something to do with the soul connection and Willow feeling extreme emotion." Oz added helpfully.

Tara shuddered, suddenly glazing over again.

"Putting his soul back? It's the first spell I ever learned. I'm not gonna forget that." She gave a little yelp, "Soul trapped in a glass jar, impervious to magic. It is complicated."

"God," Buffy breathed, "what if Willow can't do it?"

"I'm sure she will," Oz said gently, giving Tara another concerned look as the girl shuddered again.

"We just break the jar…That way we don't have to magic the soul out. We just break the glass around it! And then Angel's soul is still released into the ether, and—and there's something called Delothrian's Arrow. We don't even need to know where the target is. Cordy, this is fantastic! We're gonna get him back." Tara shivered this time, then screamed gutturally, "Willow!" Panting heavily, Tara fell back on her pillow.

"Me again." She said weakly.

"Buff, looks like you've got nothing to worry about."

"Except Faith." Buffy stared into her lap. "Willow said she'd die." Her eyes were filled with tears. "She can't die! I love her. She just can't."

Tara looked at Buffy, "Faith is strong."

The next few hours passed like this, Buffy and Oz getting front row seats to hear snatches of Willow's conversations through Tara's mouth. The two of them gently giving the witch sips of water and comforting her as she shuddered and cried. Buffy had sent Dawn back to Spike's crypt, and Giles was intermittently checking on them whilst researching – trying to see if he could force their connection to close. Oz was getting nervous though. Whilst Buffy was preoccupied with thoughts of Faith, Oz could see Tara's strength draining fast. He wasn't really sure she could survive channelling Willow for this long, she was getting very weak. He was terrified for when Willow started the spell.

That moment came at about one in the morning, when Tara had been Channel-Free for nearly an hour, and was resting. She suddenly sat bolt upright, screaming.

_Willow was sent flying across the room from a jet of orange light that stemmed from Cordelia's hands. Cordelia was screaming at Willow, speaking as the voice of the Beastmaster, a villain that had been plaguing Angel Investigations. _

"Vetsche invadoria disparu!" Tara screamed, throwing her head back, her eyes turning black as night.

They'd never seen Dark Tara before. Dark Willow, yes, with the black-eyes-veiny-black-hair, it was truly scary. But on Tara? Well, it was utterly terrifying. Her usually golden locks were black, her eyes clouded in shades of night, small veins beginning to creep over her face as she pulled magical energy from inside herself, channelling Willow's power.

Tara was the only one in the house who really understood how magic worked, where power came from, what it meant to have a balance. She'd been teaching Willow that there were two kinds of magic; black and white. White magic was natural power, drawn from the energies of the Earth, your body just a channel to pass the energy from the Earth to your target. Black magic however came from inside your very being. It was easier to access, and almost impossible to shut off, but it was dangerous. It upset the natural order of balance. Anyone who'd done eighth grade science would know that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred, but black magic meant creating new energy. It gave you a heady sense of power that was more addictive that any drug. White magic was simply a transfer, well within the laws of physics, but harder to learn. It was an effort, channelling Earth power. Creating new power from within yourself wasn't hard at all, but it was damaging. Willow had never been taught the difference, and all of her Wicca life had been using black magic without even realising it, just because it was easier, but Tara had always used white magic, even though it meant that Willow's power quickly surpassed her own. It was safer, it was healthier and in all truth, the spells were in fact more powerful. They may have less lights and bangs and smoke effects, but they worked 100% of the time.

This was the first time in her life Tara had ever let black magic take control of her very being. She was encapsulated in the dark powers Willow was channelling and she was caught in a whirlwind of power. She had no control over her own body, as if possessed by Willow's spell.


	8. Poopin' the Party

Chapter 8: Poopin' the Party

**Okay, quick look at what's happening in LA to ease any confusion. Also, if you are wondering, I'm changing up the story-line of the Angel episode "Orpheus" from here-on, so that Buffy, Oz and Giles can crash the party. Basically, I took the idea and I'm twisting it into unrecognisable pulp, so for those of you expecting a transcript SORRY. Quick note for the crazies who don't watch Angel: The beast's master is this evil villain thing, very dangerous, gets inside your head, possesses you, did freaky stuff to Angel e.t.c… in "Orpheus" the beast's master has taken over Cordelia's mind, so we're having an epic faceoff between Willow and Cordelia-beast's-master. Caught up? But of course in my version, during the epic faceoff, Willow's use of magic is killing Tara. In the original Faith used the Orpheus and was unconscious and having a weird vision-dream thing involving Angel (they liked putting Faith in dream sequences huh?) We can assume this is still happening, but we're only going to be seeing my new-and-improved Buffy rescuing her lover bit. Sorry for the interruption, but I didn't want anyone to be too confused!**

"Open the window. Fill this stone. Inside, outside. Two made one." Tara shuddered again, her words – Willow's words – coming in a low, dark hum. "There's somebody inside me head…"

"Is that Willow or Tara talking?" Oz whispered to Buffy, absently stroking Tara's knee.

"Willow, I think. Tara still looks pretty out of it."

"It's scary, seeing her like this," he gestured to Tara black hair and eyes as a string of Latin poured from her mouth in punitive tones. "You said this is how Willow looked, after Tara…?"

"Yeah," Buffy breathed. "It's terrifying isn't it?" She stroked Tara's black hair, soothing the lost and shuddering witch.

"ALESH ASTORETH!" Tara screamed. Great jets of light burst from her fingertips, sending the wolf and slayer flying and setting the house a-shudder.

Giles ran up the stairs into Willow and Tara's bedroom. Buffy was already standing and pulling Oz to his feet and there was a huge hole and scorch mark in the door. The house was still quivering slightly, as if in the after-math of an Earthquake.

"Willow's doing some seriously dark mojo," Buffy murmured as more and more words tumbled freely from Tara's blackened lips.

"It is very, uh, intense, if the magic is transferring to actual spells from Tara." Giles rubbed his glasses wearily. "It is probably best if you don't get too close now. She is in effect just a ticking time bomb."

"So we're just waiting for Willow to do some other big spell and Tara will blow us to smithereens?"

"I do, in fact, fear that very much."

And he was right. Tara was nothing more than an explosive, fireworks stand. Shuddering, pale, weak, the witch was fading fast and more and more energy was being sapped out of her by Willow's spell.

"The woman I love, took the woman you used to love, to save the man I used to love, it's slowly killing my girl and your ex-girl's current girl!" Buffy screamed at Oz, who was seated across the dining room table from her.

"To put it in the most complicated way possible…" Giles said, "then yes. Faith and Willow went to LA to help Angel, and Faith potentially sacrificed her own life. Willow, without her knowledge, is killing Tara with her own spells."

"I knew my life was getting boring outside Sunnydale," Oz muttered.

"All in a day's work," the Slayer grumbled.

"So what now?" The werewolf asked casually, "I know I'm not exactly action man right now, but we have to do something… Tara, she's…"

"Yes, I know." Giles stood and started pacing backwards and forwards, then stopped. "Ironically enough, the only person I know who would have even the slightest inkling on how to reverse the effects of Orpheus poisoning is currently channelling dark magic in the upstairs bedroom."

"Well the puts our priorities in order then doesn't it?" Oz stood, his weak leg collapsing under him as he gripped the table for support.

"Oz, where are you going?"

"To be action man…" he paused, "or maybe limping man. But I'll get there. I've got a plan."

"To the bat-mobile," Buffy said sarcastically.

"More 'to the van!' but we can deal."

"So what's this plan?" Buffy said, flooring the accelerator as she, Oz and Giles sped toward the Sunnydale border. They'd left Xander and Anya with the black-eyed Tara and Dawn with Spike, so they were ready for their overly desperate road-trip.

"We go, get Willow to stop spell-casting and find another way to stop the beast's master and restore Angel's soul, Tara will come back from crazy-land and she'll be able to tell us how to beat off the Orpheus poisoning Faith's got and hey-presto, we got ourselves a plan."

"There is a lot left to chance you realise, Oz."

"Of course, but we could just attack Cordelia with Hummus."

"I liked your first plan better," Buffy laughed.

"Exactly, just putting it into perspective."

"I'm gonna call Xander again," Oz said. They were less than an hour from Angel Investigations now and Oz had been calling Revello drive every seven or so minutes, just to check how Tara was going. They'd left the possessed witch in the capable hands of Xander, Anya and a few of the potentials whilst Dawn slept in Spike's crypt.

"You're really worrying about her aren't you?" Buffy asked gently.

"Of course I am," the wolf intoned, punching his speed-dial, "It's Tara. She's… she's…"

And for the first time in her life, Buffy heard Oz completely lost for words.

"She's Tara," Buffy finished softly.

Oz realised with a pang, as he held the ringing phone to his ear, something he hadn't wanted to admit but was quite sure he'd felt ever since he first met the beautiful honey-blonde. Gripping his cell-phone slightly too hard, he felt a flood of unfamiliar emotion, imagining Tara's soft, lopsided smile and the way her hair flowed behind her as she walked on those beautiful legs. He could picture her soft curves and taste her apple-cinnamon flavour on his tongue. She was so perfect. Was he in love with her? No. Of course he wasn't. She was connected on a spiritual level to another woman, one who he had really loved. But did he love her? With all his heart. He knew it more than he had ever known anything else, he loved Tara and she was going to be phenomenally important to him, he could sense it. But not if she died tonight.

Why wasn't Xander picking up? He always answered Oz's calls. Always. He had to know what was happening to Tara. Finally, just as Oz was about to hang up a familiar voice rang through the receiver.

"Yo, dog boy, quit with the third degree phone calls." It was Kennedy. "She's still shaking and evil lookin', and she and Willow now don't have a wall. She kinda blew it to smithereens."

"Oh God…" Oz groaned. Would they get to LA in time? "And… is Tara, is she lucid at all?"

"Nope. Not for the last hour, she's all Willow now. She doesn't really look like herself anymore."

For the last few hours they'd been driving Tara's 'lucid' moments – the times when she was Tara, not Willow – had been fewer and further between.

"You in love with her dog boy?" Kennedy asked bluntly.

"No," Oz said, choosing his words carefully, "but I love her."

"I don't getcha."

"It's like she's my best friend in the entire world, I feel like I could tell her anything, you know?"

"Nah. But then I'm meant to be all cold and detached right?"

"You have so much to learn Kennedy." Oz hung up.

"How is she?" Giles said gently.

"Completely taken over. She hasn't been lucid in over an hour. She's getting really weak Giles, Willow is sapping her energy completely."

"Buffy," Giles said quietly, "pull over."

"What?"

"Pull over!"

Buffy pulled the van over to the side of the road. "I'm going to speed things up," Giles said.

They were flying, literally flying, down the highway. As in, the van had grown wings and same flamey things and they were going 200 miles an hour down the highway.

"Oh my God, we're going to die," Buffy said, horrified and glued to her seat.

"My van is cooler than I thought it was."

"You thought it was cool?" Buffy said incredulously.

"Well, I had sex in it more than once. That made it cool I guess."

Giles frowned, but didn't say anything, still flooring the accelerator of the magically modified van.

"Gotta ask this Giles, don't ya think that a flamey van flying down the highway might be a bit, uh, conspicuous?"

"Nonsense." He said.

"I don't know how you do things in England," Oz muttered, "but over here, we tend to keep the wheels on the ground and the flame to a minimum."

"It's invisible," Giles said, rolling his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I have no idea why I didn't think of that…" Buffy mumbled sarcastically.

"Cheek."

Thanks to Giles' man-witchy modifications, they reached Angel Investigations within five minutes, parking their…van-plane-dragon-thing and bolting through the door. The sight that greated them was utterly terrifying.

Willow was standing in the middle of the room, a huge glowing orb spinning form her hand, flames roaring around her head. Her eyes were black as night and she was shuddering with the effort of her spell. Across the room from her was Cordelia, rearing, her eyes also blackened.

"You wanna go, Glinda? Let's go." Cordelia threw a wall of solid energy at Willow, who lazily deflected it.

"That all you got, bitch's master?" Willow slammed the possessed Cordy with a flaming Orange light.

"There goes the hallway," Buffy muttered, imagining the horrors that the others were facing back in Sunnydale.

"Buffy!" Wesley exclaimed.

"Sorry to poop the party, but we're on a mission."


	9. Willow's Promise

**Chapter 9: Willow's Promise**

**Okay, hope you liked the last one. I'd really like some feedback on Oz's feelings toward Tara. What do you think? I have a special something in store for them :D Okay, in this chapter they carry out their mission. Can they stop Cordelia without Willow's help? Can they stop Willow before she kills Tara? What secret has Willow been hiding? Enjoy!**

"Anya, I'm sure they're fine."

"But what if they're not?"

"I'm sure they are."

"But they might not be!"

"Okay, okay… We just have to hop for the best. And also hope that Tara doesn't set fire to the house… again."

"Remind me again why anyone thought it would be a good idea for Willow to start doing magic? I mean, every time she does magic something goes wrong. First she recasts Angel's soul, so that Buffy has to kill a man she loves, she puts a whammy on everyone so that Buffy tries to marry Spike and Giles goes blind, she makes my cash register disappear more than once! She uses so much magic she gets addicted, she breaks her promise to Tara and uses magic, making us lose our memories, she nearly kills herself getting magic from Rack, she finally quits and everything is just jim dandy! Then her girlfriend dies and she nearly ends the world! The you lot decide that she should learn to use her powers, and she makes herself invisible to us, then proceeds to nearly kill her girlfriend because of their stupid freaking soul connection and… oh yes, magic!" Anya burst into tears. "I can't watch Tara die again Xander! I just can't!"

"Shhhhh…. Ahn, it's alright. Tara won't die… she can't… not now. Not after we just got her back."

"It all comes back to magic Xander."

"No, Ahn, it all comes back to Willow not knowing her limits. She's still learning, we can't blame her."  
>"Tara learned much quicker," Anya grumbled. "Look at her track record! Finds out Faith stole Buffy's body, did a locator spell and found a demon, held a séance to rid Lowell house of ghost kids, makes a ball of sunshine, patched my wedding dress, saved all our freaking lives a dozen times! She doesn't screw it up, so why does Willow?" Anya cried. "Tara doesn't deserve to die, just because she did the right thing."<br>"I know, Ahn, I know." Xander wrapped Anya in his arms, folding her close to his chest and stroking her hair.

"We didn't think this though very well." Buffy groaned, rubbing her neck. Willow, in her rage, had just sent a jet of energy that slammed Buffy into the wall.

"How do we stop her?" Wesley asked, pulling himself up off the ground, before sliding back to the ground in defeat. Giles rolled his eyes at the failed Watcher, then paused. He looked over at Oz, who was staring, horrified, at the scene unfolding before them. He'd never seen Willow in this rage of pure, dark power.

"Is she always like this when she does magic?"

"No, goodness no…" Giles said, rushing to the man. "Only when she's harnessing dark powers. She's fighting an unimaginable evil in the body of her friend, it's tormented her and she's not drawing her power from the right place. She's taken the easy way, and it's killing Tara."

"If that's not motivation for her to use her training techniques, I don't know what is…" Buffy looked on as Cordelia was sent sailing through a glass divider.

"She promised…" Giles breathed, "she promised no more dark magic." He looked at Buffy, "she promised herself to Tara, to do the right thing, to only draw power from the Earth, to use her power carefully. It's the trust that was forged in that promise," he murmured, coming to a slow realisation, "it's the trust that Tara put in Willow that forged the final bonds of their soul-connection. They had always been kindred, made for each other. They had an affinity that I'd never seen before, but it was the promises they made that built their soul-bond."

"Willow's promise to always find her,"

"Tara's promise to make it work,"

"Willow's assurance that she would never use dark magic again." Giles sighed. "She broke her promise, and now Tara is dying. Buffy," Giles turned to his slayer, "Willow is destroying their soul. She's slowly killing Tara, but she's also slowly killing _herself!_"

"Good God." Wesley stood quickly. "I knew Willow's magic use was getting out of hand… Rupert I had no idea…"

Out of the blue, Oz turned and roared, "All this theorising is great, but how the hell do we stop her? They're fucking DYING and you're all JUST STANDING HERE!" He was shaking with rage, his eyes darkening slightly. "It's not Willow that brings the wolf out in me," he whispered, "it's Tara."

And he erupted. His hands and face elongated and tufts of fur appeared all over his body. He shuddered again and fell to the ground, rearing again in full wolf form. There was, however, an oddly conscious gleam in his eye. It was as if, even though he was wolfed out, he was fully aware. He barrelled straight for Willow, who was taken by surprise. She was knocked off her feet by the huge wolf and hit the ground with a thud. Cordelia's voice was a cackle of laughter.

"Poochie knocked you out Glinda? Oh boo-fricken-hoo."

"Oz…" Willow's words were a gasp, all the wind knocked out of her by Oz's wolf-body. "Why?" But as she spoke, another of Cordelia's energy walls sprang forth. Willow, not ready for it, was sent flying, crashing into the wall. There was a small dribble of blood from her temple, but she quickly stood, angrier than ever. Oz took the opportunity to bite her outstretched wrist, hard and she screamed, sending the wolf flying. He whimpered as he hit the shattered divider, Buffy rushing to his aide.

"Cordelia, you are really pissing me off…" But Oz's distraction had served a purpose, Willow's hair was its usual red again and though her eyes were still blackened, she seemed more controlled. She blasted Cordelia again, but it was more feeble this time.

"Willow!" Buffy screamed, "Willow, come back to me!"

"Buffy?" Once again distracted, Willow took another blow from Cordelia.

"Okay, Cordelia, for God's sake…" Buffy slammed Cordelia against a wall, pinning her there.

"Willow you have to stop," Giles moaned.

"I can't, I have to… spell… for Angel…" Willow turned back to the spell she'd laid out on the floor before being distracted by Cordelia.

"Willow, listen to me, listen…" Oz had crawled over, blood-drenched and pale with a towel around his waist, "you have to stop, not just for you, or for us, for Tara…"

"What? Just wait a minute Oz…" She was busying herself, chanting softly as small, gold tendrils of light wound from her fingers and twined around something invisible in the air. "I've already released the soul, now it's all floaty in the ether, but I gotta get it back to Angel."

"Willow!" Oz grabbed her roughly by the wrist, "look at yourself! Your eyes are black, you're shaking all over, you've just tried to kill your friend and you haven't even noticed how badly injured the people around you are!"

"Oz, this is really important…" She gave him a slight shove, turning back to her spell books.

"Tara's dying." He whispered.

"What?" Willow asked, not really having heard.

"Tara's dying," he repeated.

"She's, sh-she's what?" Willow's eyes had paled immediately and her hands had stopped moving.

"You're killing her, Will."

"No," Willow breathed, "no, I haven't done anything wrong, I was… Oz not again! I can't kill her again!"

"Again?" Everyone looked at each other.

"Please, Oz, you can't let me kill her again!"


	10. Can We Just Skip It?

**Can We Just Skip It?**

**Ooh… what's happening? Has Willow just admitted something horrific, or is there something darker at work? Please read, review and enjoy. BTW – the stuff in italics is Willow's thoughts (at the end of the chapter). **

"Please, Oz, you can't let me kill her again!" Willow was on her knees, sobbing, her hands pressed into the side of her head. Everyone in the room, even Cordelia was staring in stunned silence. What did she mean? Kill Tara _again? _When had she killed her before?

"Willow…" Oz put a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Willow batted his hand away, her face pale and limbs shaking. "Please, please…" She was almost hysterical, quaking and crying and the entire room was beyond stunned.

"Help her, she can't die again, not because of me!" Willow stood shakily, looked beseechingly at Oz, then ran from the room leaving all of her magic supplies scattered on the floor, her spell unfinished.

"Do you want me to go after her?" Buffy asked.

"No," Oz replied, "she needs some space for now… But I'm going to go back to Sunnydale."

"So soon?" Wesley said breathlessly.

"I have to," Oz replied, "Tara needs me."

"What about the spell?" Fred stood shakily.

"I'm sure you can handle it," Wesley gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

"M-me?"

"Ha." Cordelia scoffed, "this'll be a breeze."

"Oh leave off Bitch Master." Buffy wrapped her hands around Cordelia's throat, pinning her to the wall. "Go ahead Fred, Wesley, can you lock her up?"

Wesley grabbed the fainted Cordelia, dragging her out into the hallway. Fred sat shakily in amongst Willow's scattered ingredients and began sorting them, incanting at the same time.

"What did Willow mean?" Buffy asked shakily, pulling Giles off to the side.

"I really don't know, Buffy, but it worries me."

"She didn't kill Tara… did she?"

"No, no… Tara was shot, we all know that."

"Then why did she…?"

"I don't know."

"Gunn? Connor?" Buffy was tiptoeing down the corridor, peering in door after door. She'd decided to leave Fred and Giles to do their witchy business while she went to find Faith. She peered into the last door in the corridor and took a sharp intake of breath. Faith looked so small. She was lain, slightly curled on a bed. Her hair was a mess and her face was drawn and pale. There was a deep, shining bite mark on her neck and her eyelids were flickering, as if she was in pain. Buffy went over, gently wiping her sweaty forehead.

"I'm here baby, I'm here. Come back to me?" Buffy sat, slowly stroking Faith's cheek, watching the dreams roll under her eyelids.

"She's dying," came a deep voice from the doorway.

"Not on my watch." Buffy spun around, facing the tall, dark man.

"Nice to finally meet you," Gunn said harshly, nodding at the blonde slayer. She just rolled her eyes and turned back to Faith, tenderly stroking her burning forehead.

"She laughed."

"What?" Buffy asked absently.

"Angelus, he bit her and dropped, and just before she fell to the ground too, she laughed. This huge smile. She was so damned proud."

"That's my girl."

"I think though, that she was most proud of doing something without your help. You were always the better Slayer Buffy."

Buffy felt tears sting her eyes. This dark stranger was right, really. She had always been better, always been preferred. But Faith was the bigger person. Faith had stepped back and allowed it, she hadn't begged for the limelight, but quietly achieved so much. Without anyone noticing, Faith had turned her life around, and was now completely a better person.

"She needs to do this on her own," Gunn urged.

"But I need to be with her…" Buffy stroked the burning brow again.

"You'll only be fighting her battles. Let her go, Buffy."

"What if she dies? What if the Orpheus kills her?"

"Then she died trying. She didn't die being helped." And with those words, Gunn turned and walked out of the room, leaving Buffy staring at empty space.

Willow didn't even know where she was anymore. Maybe she was in hell. She deserved that.

_After I did it… I'd felt so foul that I'd locked myself in that bubble of darkness, where I could let the magic well up and consume me, it made me numb and cold. I felt heartless, I didn't have to feel anymore. I didn't have to remember. The darkness helped until Xander… it helped until he brought me crashing back to Earth… it was then I realised that conscience never fades._

_When I was younger, I had this total image of my life. That I'd be smart and pretty and perfect. I'd be a slayerette, doing my little bits of mojo here and there. That Oz and I would grow old together. The magic tore that apart, but I thought it was good. And it was. I had Tara. I loved her more than anything in my life. I made boundaries for myself and for the magic, and I never dreamed of crossing them. But I did. I broke my promises to Tara one by one and she left me. I violated her mind, and she left me. I crossed my own boundaries and woke completely lost. But I fought for her, I fought me to be strong and I fought for us to be… us. Again. _

"We were special," Willow murmured. The oh-so-familiar hand landed on her shoulder gently and she turned, looking at her ex-lover's pale face and moon-streaked hair. "Tara and I were so fucking _perfect_. We cried and bled and fucking _breathed _together. We were so perfect that the Goddesses connected our souls, Oz. But they got it wrong. I don't deserve that, and she doesn't deserve me."

"What happened, Will?" The werewolf seated himself next to the shaking red-head. They were out in a wide field, the cool breeze rippling the grass and the light of the moon bathing them in an eerie glow. The witch stared up at the stars for a moment, watching them blur as the tears filled her eyes.

"We had just gotten back together. I'd quit the magic. She'd forgiven me, and she'd come back. Then there was the bullet… that freaking bullet and my shirt was covered in her blood and she was on the floor…"

"But that was Warren…" Oz stroked Willow's hair lightly, "Wills, you didn't do that."

"She wasn't dead," Willow's voice was almost inaudible.

"What?"

"The bullet didn't kill her. I did. Not on purpose," she looked into the gold-flecked eyes, "never on purpose… But I got so mad. The magics… they exploded… boom," she mimed, "and then her light was gone. From me. From the world…" Tears freely flowing now, she pulled Oz in closer, "and I did it."

"Well then undo it," he said quietly. "You made a mistake, but she's back. Willow you have your second chance, don't screw it up again."

_I remember someone old once said to me, that lies will lock you up and the only key is telling the truth. But I was so comfortable and warm inside my shell, hiding behind the mirrors of half-truths. I couldn't tell anyone. Ever. But I didn't see what it was doing to me, I couldn't see this hiding place would soon become my hell. So is it better to tell and hurt, maybe lose all my friends or lie to save my face? Well I guess the answer is don't do it at all. But I did. And worst of all, I didn't face my actions. I buried them and hid behind those stupid lies. I started to believe them too. I said it over and over, so many times… I began to believe that I didn't kill her. That it wasn't all my fault. That even if I had listened to Tara, done magic the way she taught me, she'd still be dead. But none of that's true. If I'd listened to her, I could have saved her instead of killing her. _

**Okay, please review because I am super unsure of this story line. Too far? Or is it okay? Big admissions in the next chapter, but also getting with the funny again. And the sad. Sorry for slow updates, but it's exam time and this chapter took ages because I was umming and ahhing about it.**


	11. Welcome to the Hellhouse

**Welcome to the Hellhouse**

**Okay, hoping the last one was okay. This is a little different, some changes in character interraction and a big Tara/Oz moment, so enjoy.  
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"Bloody hell!" Spike stormed upstairs. "It's bleedin' light outside and they're still not back! How long does it take to get Elphaba off her freaking broomstick?"

"C'mon Spike," Dawn egged, "this is Willow we're talking about. You know how she gets when she's doing magic. Especially the wrong kind."

"Yeah, well, s'long as she don't kill Glinda I'm happy."

"I thought you 'don't care what happens' to people?"

"Yeah, well… I have a bit of a soft spot for the bird. She's a right beauty an' all."

"But it's not the only reason you like her, right?" Dawn raised an eyebrow, "I mean, you don't only like her because you get your rocks off on looking at her chest, there's more, right?"

"Well, yeah…" Spike shrugged sheepishly, burying his hands in his pockets, "Tara's real different to all them other witches. She don't give me the creeps the same way the rest of 'em do. She knows what she's doing."

"That's true," Dawn said quietly. "I hope she's alright."

"Me too nibblet, me too."

"Tara?" Anya's brunette head poked round the door frame, "Tara? Are you going to blow my head off?"

"What?" the groggy witch murmured, "no… Ahn. Why would I ever do that?"

"Well, it's just you've been trying for like three hours."

"Willow stopped almost an hour ago I think…" Tara rubbed her aching head. "It was really sudden, like she was forced to stop or something."

"Can you hear her thoughts again?"

"No, she's really far away… but she's sad. Like, mega-miserable kinda depresso-deal." Tara looked up at Anya, "I hope she's alright…"

"You're strange Tara." Xander rounded the door. "As a general rule, right now you're meant to be _mad… _Your girlfriend used black magic even though you told her not to, and it was killing you. Aren't you angry?"

"Willow made a mistake, Xander… Albeit a bit one. But it was a mistake, and I'm sure she had her reasons. From what I got she was fighting Cordelia. And she's stopped now."

"Are you in pain?" Xander asked softly.

"Headache, but nothing a bit of rest won't fix. The wall on the other hand…"

"Can be done later," Xander pushed Tara down onto the mattress. "The others will be back soon, I'm sure. Rest now, so you're ready to kick Willow's ass when she gets back."

"I'm not going to be…"

"Well I am," Xander mussed Tara's hair, "no one hurts my Tara and gets away with it."

Tara laughed. "Okay Xander."

"Does that mean we can have sex now?" Anya's eyes lit up. Tara slumped back on her pillow, rubbing her face, but laughing.

"Tara?" A low voice sounded from the doorway and Tara looked up, feeling her heart jump.

"Oz?"

"Oh my God…" The werewolf rushed over, seating himself next to Tara on the bed and stroking her hair. "How are you? I was so scared…"

"I'm fine, honestly."

"No, no… Tara I'm so sorry."

"W-what are you sorry for?" The witch laughed, "in case you hadn't noticed, it wasn't you that was unconsciously killing me Oz."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't find Willow… she ran off after I talked to her."

"She'll come back, she always does," Tara's voice was light, but there was an edge of worry.

"Well, she was dealing with some pretty big stuff back there, I'm just scared she's going to do something bad."

"If she does I'll know it. Don't worry Oz, it's out of your control now."

"You aren't mad?"

"Why does everyone think I'm mad?" Tara was slightly exhasperated.

"Well,"

"No, no… don't answer. I know why. I know everything, but I love her so damn much that I can look past it. Oz, is it h-horrible self d-d-destructive? Is it s-so bad for me to love someone who killed me?"

"Nothing is ever simple on the hellmouth is it?"

Tara laughed. "Very true. Though this is like the Hellhouse on the Hellmouth. Especially after tonight." Tara gestured apologetically at the gaping hole in the wall. "Nothing's ever simple," she paused, "but that doesn't mean it can't be good, right?"

"Monkey crackers still wear pants. Anya is still wildly inappropriate."

"Dawnie turns cooking into an apocalyptic nightmare."

"We're all still alive."

"We're all still alive," Oz echoed. "You bring the wolf out in me Tara, and you wanna know why?"

"Why?" She leaned closer into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Because you're so damn different from the rest of the world."

"What do you mean?"

"Buffy's strong, Giles is smart, Willow is liable to blow us all the smithereens, Dawnie cares and Xadner sees, Anya is a raging sex maniac and Andrew just wants to help. And you Tara? You're every single last one of those things and together, it makes one hell of a woman."

"I love you Oz, you know that right?"

"If you didn't, I wouldn't be able to do this," he leaned in very close to her, so that they were less than an inch apart and her looked into her eyes. He was so close Tara could feel his breath on her lips. He leaned in even closer, their noses touching and very slowly, he began to change. His eyes darkened and his face elongated, hair grew rapidly from his chin and cheeks and his teeth grew longer, his breath hotter. Tara gasped, terrified but mesmerised, not pulling back, though their faces were touching, human meets wolf. And just as slowly as it started, it began to reverse, the hair and teeth retracting, his face smoothing out, once again flawless.

"You trust me Tara, and I trust you and – most importantly – you make me trust myself enough to believe that I can do that."

Tara ran her fingers through the sandy hair. "You're one amazing man Oz."

"So if I trust myself enough to do that, do you trust yourself enough to do what you have to do?"

"Yes. I do. I know what has to happen."

"Oh, God… Giles I suck at this!" Fred groaned, rubbing her eyes. She'd been spell-casting for nearly two hours, but it wasn't working. "Willow was so much more powerful."  
>"And Willow was killing Tara. You know as well as I Fred, she couldn't continue the spell."<p>

"Yes, Fred," Wesley urged, "you can do it, I'm positive." Fred looked up into his big eyes, offering him the slightest of smiles.

"Stinky herbs are go," the tied up Cordelia reminisced.

"Oh shut up Cordelia."

"Not dead, nor of the living…" Fred began, "Gods, bind him, cast his heart from the demon realm, return… his…." She was breathing quickly now, beads of perspiration breaking out on her brow line. Her words were coming more and more slowly and she was fading. Wesley reached out linking his hand with her slender digits.

"Come on, Fred."

"I call on… I call on…" She cried in a strangled way, tears were beginning to fill her eyes. Wesley gripped her hand harder, "I call on…" And Fred's head snapped back, her eyes glowing with light. She leant forward and words began to tumble from her lips, all in Rumanian. "E implor Doamne, nu ignora accasta rugaminte! Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-I va transporta sufletul la el!"

"Oh my God!" The bound Cordelia cried, "Déjà vu much? I've totally been to this freak-alicious party before. Not a fan of being here again!"

"Este scris, aceasta putere este dreptul poporuil meu de a conduce…"

The orb was glowing with a fiery light now, and Fred was shuddering.

Willow, though she'd walked miles from where she'd been, could feel the magical energy building in Angel's house. Her friends were in the thick of a battle. She was all alone. _So that's everything, huh? No weapons, no friends. No hope. Take all that away and what's left?_

And a familiar, beautiful, melodic and lyrical voice broke through her thoughts for the first time in over 48 hours. _Me. _And Willow began to run. She began to run toward the one thing she had left in the world.

**Pretty please reviews? I want to know what you all think, because there is going to be a huge change in the next chapter - which I will upload VERY soon because it's almost finished already.**


	12. Souled Out

**Souled Out**

**Okay, title says it all. Enjoy, review, our girlies will be back on track very soon for those who are worrying! And yes, gentle reviewers, I promise you a happy ending ****J**

Fred's face was sheened in sweat and her whole body was shaking. "Asa sa fie! ACUM!" And the orb went out.

In the moment the orb went out, four things happened simultaneously. A death, a rebirth, an awakening and a realisation.

The demon part of Angel screamed in angry protest, it was being shoved by a very powerful, very mean and completely annoying energy. This energy was focused, potent and cruel. It was so full of light and grief and remorse, it hurt him on a level deeper than any physical pain. And in an instant it all stopped. The demon was quelled and for a moment lay a dead, cold and scarred human man. In the next second that man's soul was reborn, and filled with more grief, pain and remorse than any other soul in the world. Angel lay, shuddering and moaning on the floor of his cell, his insides screaming for the pain that surrounded his newly restored soul.

At exactly the same moment a pair of beautiful brown eyes opened. The owner of these eyes was rather brutally jerked back to reality, which she realised was in fact cold, lumpy and wicked uncomfy. She also noticed that reality was far lonelier than her dream. At least soul-boy had been company for her there. Here, there was no one to welcome her back.

The final event was one of realisation. Emerald eyes widened in the moonlight as, for the first time in days, her lover's thoughts began to seep back into her brain. The redhead realised, in the moment that Fred's magic pierced the very core of her being, that the biggest mistake she'd ever made, was believing that Tara wouldn't forgive her. The redhead was off, running into the night.

"Are you really going to do it?" Oz asked.

"What other choice do I h-have?" Tara asked with a grimace.  
>"Will it work?"<p>

"I hope so," Tara whispered, "God I hope so."

"I left," Buffy said quietly. Faith whipped around so fast her neck ached, but she didn't care. The world's most beautiful, if not dishevelled sight, stood in the doorway.

"You came back."

"I wanted to be here when you woke up." Buffy walked over slowly, sitting down next to her girlfriend. "You did so, so amazingly Faith. I'm so proud of you." She kissed the brunette. "I couldn't have done it better if I'd tried."

Faith laughed, "I don't know about that last bit B, but thanks."

"I love you Faith."

"I love you too."

"I know I don't deserve your trust right now," Willow's small voiced echoed from the cracked doorway. Tara looked up. She'd been sitting with Oz in silence for over an hour now, just enjoying the company as she listened to Willow's thoughts get closer and closer.

"You still have it Willow, but it doesn't mean you didn't scare me."

Oz slowly stood, easing his way out of the room.

"I broke my promise, again. I've done that to you so many times, Tara and I'm so sorry. I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me again, but if you change your mind ,I swear I won't let you down."

"How can you be so sure?" The blonde looked up, her eyes sparkling with tears. "How do you know that you won't do it again, Willow?" Tara's voice was laced with tears and another, far more bitter emotion. Was it fear, resentment, regret?

"I know because now I know what my magic means, what it does."

"But it took for you to kill me once, nearly twice, for you to realise that?" Tara was angry now. Willow paled, her eyes filling with tears and pain.

"You, you knew?"

"Of course, and Willow I forgive you, you know I do. I just have to know," she said quietly, "I'm so, so sorry I have to do this, but I need to know…" And for the first time in her life, Tara harnessed the dark magic inside her, and threw all of it, a solid wall of energy, straight at Willow.

"Okay," Faith muttered, "wasn't expecting that to happen."

"It was nice though," Buffy giggled. The pair were still flipped in an easy 69, Faith still taking lazy little licks at Buffy's sweet juices.

"Good for the soul."

"Not for Angel's," the girls giggled.

"Buffy, how's Faith-Gah!" Wesley spun around, facing the wall with his hands over his eyes.

"Chill, watcher," Faith laughed, "we're decent enough." Faith wrapped a sheet around herself and Buffy. Wesley slowly turned around, his face an alarming red.

"I see you're um… looking, er, _well _again, Faith." Wesley was still flushed and not making eye contact with the Slayers.

"Five by five," they both replied, then looked at each other, giggling.

"I c-came to check on, but I also wanted to, uh, thank you."

"What for?" Faith sat up straighter. The act tugged the sheet off Buffy's chest, who gasped and grabbed for it again as Faith grinned, licking her lips. Wesley blushed again, but continued.

"For saving us. And Angel. Without you we never could have even begun the spell, so thank you. Thank you very much. I'm sure if Angel were in a state to, uh, communicate… well. I'm sure he's equally grateful."

"No big, Wes. Seriously."

"No big?" Buffy asked incredulously. "Oh yeah. 'I just nearly killed myself in the fight for the greater good. No big'." She mocked.

Faith just rolled her eyes, rubbing the small of Buffy's back through the sheet.

Willow hit the crumbling wall with a tremendous thud, knocking out another few feet of dry walling as she fell. Tara was on her feet now – well, sort of, she was hovering a few inches above the ground – and she was building another ball of energy with her hands as Willow stood shakily. From the outside, Tara look formidable. Her face was pale and her eyes dark, a look of immense concentration and daunting anger painting her face. The amount of energy she was drawing from inside herself was literally lifting a breeze around her and her hair was whipping around her face haphazardly. Inwardly though, Tara was a mess. She was, secretly, shaking and crying as she – for the first time in her life – drew the power from deep within her own soul. The black magic made her feel sick, coursing through her in gluggy, bitter veins of energy. The power she felt was immense, but it didn't feel right. She felt a horrible sense of guilt harnessing these powers, and worse about using them against her love. As Willow stood, Tara slammed the energy into her again. Willow remained standing this time, but was shuddering with the effort. Now mind you, Tara wasn't doing this just because she 'felt like kicking Willow's ass'. It was quite simply an act of teaching and in a small way, a test. Tara wanted to see if Willow would cave, counter Tara's attacks with black magic. She wanted to show Willow that there was more power to be had by using the Earth's power, rather than breaking all the laws of physics in creating your own stepped outside of herself, and looked at the scene from above. She looked over herself, surveying her quaking form like a doctor, looking for disease. "Nothing cures the hurt you bring on yourself!" She yelled through her tears, the energy coming more freely now and pulsing around her. "I can still remember Willow, I still remember how we were. I still remember what we used to be."

"Tara, please…" Willow cried, letting the little bullets of energy tear into her clothes. And it was enough, the simple request, to leave Tara a shuddering, crying mess.

"You see what you were doing Willow?" Tara murmured, crawling through the debris, closer to the exhausted witch. "I'm so sorry baby."

And, unexpectedly, Willow looked up at Tara's tear streaked face and whispered two simple words,

"Thank you."

**Sorry it's been so long - I was contemplating whether to even finish it. Back into a bit of a rhythm now though, should have some more up in a day or two. That is, if you lovely readers (if there are any, lol) think I ought to. Seeya soon! Also, check out my other story, The Power of 2, it's a LOT lighter than this one ;P**


	13. NOTICE: Not a chapter :P

**Hey gentle readers...**

**Just thought I'd let you know that I'm not disappearing by any means, but I will not update (anything, really) from now until the 3rd or 4th of July. I'm going on holidays with limited laptop/internet access. I'm not leaving for a couple of days, so might sneak in an update or two especially for The Power of 2 because those are pretty quick, but yeah. Not gone or anything, just holidaying!  
><strong>

**Thanks for being awesome readers and reviewers and that I'll get a BUNCH of stuff done as soon as I get back because I've got like two weeks off. Thanks!  
><strong>

**xx Bitca  
><strong>


	14. Heading in the Offward Way

**Heading in the Offward Way**

**Sorry it's been so long – I went on vacation, lol. Anyway, back to the story, hey? People make their plans to return to Sunnydale and Willow and Tara have to make a decision about their future.**

"Do you think we should start heading in the offward way?" Buffy asked Faith as they dressed hurriedly.

"What?" Fred asked bemusedly, staring at them through the open door. "I think I need a translator around you lot," she added with a girlish giggle.

"B was just wonderin' whether we oughta be thinking about leavin'," Faith explained.  
>"Oh," Fred said, "okay. Well, I suppose you should get back to Sunnydale. See if Willow's okay."<p>

"Yeah," Buffy murmured nervously. The idea of Faith nearly dying had scared the hell out of her, the idea of Fred taking over such immensely difficult spell casting made her shudder, the though of Angel never getting his soul back made her want to cry… but Willow? The thought of watching Willow become the Big Bad Veiny again? That chilled her to her very core. She hoped that the gang back in Sunnydale had cooled her down enough for Buffy to reason with her. And kick her ass up and down Revello drive.

"Babe, I don't think what Willow needs right now is for you to kick her ass," Faith crooned, stroking Buffy's hair.

"What, can you read minds now or something?" Buffy was rather taken aback at Faith's remark.

"No, but you get this look in your eyes, this 'come try me' look – you get it whenever you're mentally preparing for an ass-kicking."

"Oh," Buffy murmured. It was little things like that which made Buffy love Faith so damn much! The way Faith not only noticed, but also understood the little things about her. The little things that no-one, not even Angel, had ever spotted. She looked at Faith with shining eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too, Buffy."

"You shouldn't have stopped…" Willow's soft voice was dampened by the dust and wreckage still trembling in the room. "You should have killed me. I deserved it." She looked up at Tara's tear-streaked face, "do it," she whispered to the blonde witch, the blonde witch who'd always been in more control, always had more power… who'd never shown it because she knew her own power better that Willow had. Tara had been right, always. Tara knew… and she knew for a lot longer than Willow thought she did. Tara had known since the day with Glory, the first time they'd ever fought… it had been about magic. In the end, that's what their relationship had come down to. Every fight between them, every problem they'd had… their end, their beginning, Tara's death, Tara's resurrection. All of it. It all came back to magic. Magic – Tara was better, in every way. She'd never lost control, never let it consume her, destroy her. Willow had though… Willow had let the power destroy her life and ruin all the people around her. Even once she thought she had control… she realised that she didn't. Not really. And she never would. She felt hot tears spurt down her cheeks and she looked at the blonde witch before her once again and uttered three very simple words. "Tara, kill me."

* * *

><p>On hearing the crashes and screams from the room above them, Xander and Anya had tried to rush upstairs, to help somehow. Oz had held them back though, telling them that it wasn't their fight… that Tara knew what she was doing.<p>

"But Oz, Willow could kill her!"

Oz just looked up the stairs with a sad grimace.

"It's not Willow using the magics."

* * *

><p>"Giles, how's Angel doing?" Buffy approached her watcher, supporting a still-limping Faith.<p>

"He's doing fine. Still rather out of it, I'm afraid, but he'll be back to himself in a day or two, I'm sure."

Buffy nodded, placing a kiss on Faith's cheek – another silent thank you – before picking up her bag of supplies from the counter in the foyer of the Hyperion.

"We're going to head back to Sunnydale now, are you coming or staying?"

"I, er, I think it would be best if we were to head off now, yes." Giles nodded, looking slightly strained.  
>"What's up, Watcher? You're not lookin' exactly happy. C'mon! We beat the bad guys, always cause for a celebration right?"<p>

"Ever the optimist, Faith," he chuckled, hugging her around the shoulders briefly.

"You're worrying about Willow?" Buffy asked.  
>"Aren't you?" Giles asked softly.<p>

"Of course I am. She lost control Giles, completely and utterly. I thought she had gotten past that."

"We all did," he murmured, polishing his glasses.

"And Tara?"

"Has some difficult decisions to make." The Watcher stared off into space, a grave expression on his face.

"C'mon!" Faith said, almost with a laugh. "They're soulmates now, connection an' all! It's kinda hard to just up and leave."

"Tara has some difficult decisions to make," Giles repeated.

"You mean?" Buffy asked, open-mouthed.

"I wouldn't be completely shocked if she's done it already. And I'd be surprised if Willow hasn't asked."

"Tara couldn't…" Buffy said with a shake of her head.

"She has the power – more than enough. And she has the motivation. It isn't a good thought, but it would be a way for Tara to escape the more difficult decisions."

"Hold it!" Faith grabbed Buffy and Giles, pulling them around to face her. "You're not sayin' what I think you're sayin' are ya? T, kill red?"

Giles gave a grave nod.

"As if!" Faith just rolled her eyes. "Look, I may not have known her for as long as you guys, but I do know dangerous love. Hell, my lover here tried to kill me more than once – nearly succeeded too, might I add." Faith raised her shirt, indicating the thick, red, scar in her abdomen. "Don't mean I just walk straight up to B and without a 'may I' or wherewithal and gut her!" Faith shook her head. "I'm sorry, but you guys are wicked far off the mark. I know that I may not be the postergal for unblemished records, but I can tell you that it ain't an easy task to kill a human being. It hurts, in all kindsa different ways. It's not as easy as 'want, take, have'. It's wicked hard. Damn near impossible. It's never a spur-of-the moment decision." Faith looked up at them, her eyes teary, " Watcher, you couldn't bring yourself to kill Red after she tried to end the world. What makes you think that her lover could do it now?"

"Because love makes you do the whacky," Buffy murmured.

* * *

><p>"No!" Tara cried immediately, feeling her hot tears spurting down her cheeks.<p>

"Why not?" Willow said bitterly. "I killed you. Killed two others as well. Tried to end the world. Giles should have killed me when he had the chance."

Tara took Willow's dirt and blood smeared face in her hand. "I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes. What makes you think that you deserve to die? That I have any right to kill you?"

"Because," Willow whispered through the lump in her throat. "I'm evil. Big, naughty evil." She looked at Tara's shocked face with shining eyes. "I'm evil, and evil things are supposed to be dead." She paused, looking at her bleeding arms. "If you don't do it, I will," she said quietly.

Tara grabbed Willow's face roughly, "Look at me Willow, really look at me." She held the red-head's face mere inches from her own, staring into the defeated eyes before her. "You are _not _evil."  
>"Yes I am!" The witch whispered. "I've killed, Tara. I've maimed and injured and killed… nearly took the world with me. If that isn't evil I don't know what is."<p>

"Do you feel bad about it Willow? Do you feel remorse for the things you did?"

"Of course!" Willow cried. "That's not even a question! If I could take back everything I did, I would, in a heartbeat, no matter the sacrifice."

"Then you're not evil," Tara said simply.

"I am," Willow whispered through her thickly falling tears. "How can I not be?"

"Because if you were evil, you wouldn't feel bad about it Willow!" She stroked her thumb down a grimy cheek, placing a soft kiss on the skin. "I still love you, I never stopped."

"Tara…" she pulled away. "I can't… I can't be with you, be around you."

Tara's heart almost stopped in her chest, it felt broken. "Why?"

"Because I'm only going to hurt you… again." Willow stood shakily, stepping through the debris and looking through the shattered window at the dawn light.

"Willow, I'm not leaving. Not ever again. I promised you that the moment I came back, and I'm not breaking my promises. I'm going to help you, understand that all I want is for you to be happy, and eventually for _us _to be happy. Together. It will take time, but I never have and never will stop loving you baby."

Tara's endearment was enough. Willow cracked. She burst into body-shaking sobs, breaking down in shakes and shudders, her whole body aching with a need to be herself again… to have control of the power that Tara had always known and used so well.

"We'll leave tomorrow," Tara whispered, now leaning over Willow like a protective shell. "We'll go to England, stay with the coven. You'll learn and I'll be there, every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere Will."

"Never?" Willow looked up at her with red eyes.

"Never."

**Yay! New chapter finally :D Sorry about the wait. Please please please let me know what you think? Thanks! Update uber-soon.**


	15. Running Tight

**Running Tight**

**Emotions are running tight as everyone returns to 1630 Revello Drive. No one knows what to think, who to blame… and everyone is just trying to process what went down at the Hyperion.**

"S'anyone home?" Spike called into the still and quiet house. "Niblet has to be at school in a couple hours."

Kennedy came running up the stairs from the basement, quickly followed by Xander and Anya.

"It can't be Monday already," Xander groaned. "For God's sake, Buffy, Faith and Giles aren't even back yet."

"Wanna have a day off school, Dawn?" Kennedy asked with a grin.

"Please can someone tell me what the hell has happened here this weekend? On Friday afternoon Faith and Willow disappear to go to LA, then suddenly Tara's going nuts and _Oz _of all people is comforting her… then Buffy, Giles and Oz piss off to LA too and dump me with Spike. Now half the house is destroyed, everyone's hiding in the basement and _no one will tell me what is happening!_" Dawn shrieked, running upstairs.

"Dawn…" Anya called out to the retreating figure.

Dawn ran across the hallway, stopping dead when she saw the wreckage that was the last portion of the house – where Willow and Tara's room was. The wall that usually housed their door was blown to smithereens and so was the adjoining wall into Buffy's bedroom. Willow and Tara's room was filled with rubble and broken furniture and their wall that looked out over the back garden was partially gone as well. As bad as the damage looked on the outside, it was nothing compared to this. Then Dawn noticed the centre of Willow and Tara's destroyed room. It was the two young women, curled around each other. Tara was rocking Willow slowly and gently in her arms, soothing her and whispering in her ear. As Dawn drew closer she could hear that Tara was in fact singing to Willow. They were both badly bruised, Willow had blood all over her arms and Tara looked exhausted.

"W-willow? Tara?" Dawn called quietly. They both looked up, shocked at seeing another person upstairs.

"Dawnie," Tara whispered softly, "come here." Dawn could see that both of them were crying and she felt her own tears well up. What had happened? What was _going _to happen?

As if Tara had heard her thoughts – which, thinking about it, she probably had – she replied,

"Dawn, a lot has happened these last couple of days. We're not going to share all of it with you – not yet anyway," she added, off Dawn's indignant look, "but magic kinda came between us. Again. Things got bad, Dawnie, really bad." Tara's eyes brimmed with tears again.

"Are you two, I mean… you didn't, er…"

"We're still together, Dawn," Willow said hoarsely, the first words she's spoken in hours.

"Yes, for me at least that was never a question," Tara murmured, stroking Willow's back. "I love her Dawn, I always have and I always will, but things are going to be a bit tricky for a while. Willow and I need to work together to sort this out, but once we have we'll be better off for it." She touched Dawn's cheek gently. "We're going to go to England for a while, we'll be back in time for the apocalypse," she said with the ghost of a smile, "but we'll be gone for a time."

"Are you going to the coven?" Asked Dawn.

"Yes, it's time for us to really get this under control, and this time Willow, you're not going to do it alone."

* * *

><p>"Buffy!" Xander cried, embracing his best friend as she walked through the door. "Faith and Giles!" he added, hugging them with less gusto.<p>

"Hey X-man," Faith said brightly.

"You're not dead!" Anya cried, hugging Faith.

"I'm not really one for the hugs, but I'm wicked glad that y'all care," Faith gave a shrewd grin.

"How are Willow and Tara?" Giles asked more softly, moving past the humour of the moment.

"We've kinda been hiding in the basement…" Xander trailed off guiltily. Off Giles' look, he hastily replied, "we're just not ready to interrupt whatever happened. Oz filled us in on Tara's plans, but we… we didn't know what the result was gonna be."

Giles nodded gravely. "Tara fought Willow, used her own magic against her?"

"Bingo," Xander replied. "House is pretty much destroyed, but there's been no magic for hours."

"A relief, in its own way."

"Where's the brat?" Faith asked, suddenly worried. Buffy smiled at her, almost humoured by how hard Faith was trying to seem nonchalant and detached, even when she was wigging.

"I'm right here, Faith," Kennedy waved, rolling her eyes.

"Not you," Faith huffed, "the littler brat. You know, Baby B."

"Oh," Kennedy just shuffled her feet.

"She went upstairs, to Willow and Tara," Oz supplied.

"Buffy, I'm gonna go talk to them…" Kennedy started up the stairs, but Faith grabbed the back of her shirt.

"No way, Brat," Kennedy huffed at the nickname, "you really think you're the person Red wants to talk to right now? Yeah… the ex, that's not awkward at all."

"Look, Buffy's obviously still looking to kick Willow's ass up and down Revello drive, and Xander's already done the save-the-world-from-big-bad-Willow thing, and I hate to say it but I think I know Willow just as well, if not better, than most of you," Kennedy crossed her arms, pouting slightly.

"Look, sleepin' with Red don't mean you know her, I can speak from experience," Faith answered, but her voice was gentler now.

"Please, Faith, let me talk to her! I just… I just need to know if she's okay. It may not be something I have any right to say, but I still have feelings for her, okay!" Kennedy was forcing back tears and her voice was strained. She didn't want to look any of them in the eye. "I need to know that she's okay."

"I'll go," Oz said quietly. "Deliver a status update." He walked up the stairs and disappeared around the corner. Kennedy, malevolence painting her face, turned on Faith, her eyes like daggers.

"Okay, I can't go up there but her other ex can? For God's sake!" Kennedy stormed off. Faith made to follow her, but Spike put a hand on her arm.

"I'll go after the bit, you stay here."

Faith just nodded curtly, turning back and sliding an arm around Buffy's waist.

"I'm sensing emotions are running a little tight right now," Xander murmured, casting a glance at the downturned faces of his friends.

"That makes three lives, not two. Willow killed Tara. No one wants to say it but she did and Tara's forgiven her for it and that's stupid. It's stupid and sensitive and nice, but it's still stupid. Now we don't know if we can forgive Willow."

"As usual, Anya hits the nail on its very uncomfortable head."

* * *

><p>"Willow, Tara?" Oz knocked lightly on the crumbling doorframe and Tara beckoned him over, pulling him down to make the three-person embrace a four-person one.<p>

"I'm glad you went through with it, Tara," he said gently. "You did the right thing."

"That's my girl," Willow mumbled, pressing her lips to Tara's neck. "Thank you, Oz. For everything. For staying with her and keeping her safe. For stopping me. I-if it weren't for you we'd both be dead right now, so thank you."

Oz, ever the wordsmith, just nodded, stroking Willow's hair before placing a chaste kiss on the top of her head. "What next?" He asked, rubbing Dawn's back.

"England," Tara replied simply. "But don't worry, we'll be back to enjoy the apocalypse." She watched as Oz's mouth pricked up in the slightest of smiles.

"A fresh start?" He clarified.

"Yes," Willow replied. She looked up at him and Tara, her eyes shining with renewed hope. "That's what we need, Tara. Total honesty, start over, try this again. No more breaking promises. That's what got us into this mess in the first place. We're going to start again baby, and I swear that things will get better."

"I know they will, baby. I trust you."

"Well that's stupid," Willow scoffed. Tara stroked her hair.

"I know, but I do. You're my soul mate Willow, my everything. I can hear your thoughts and your intentions… I can feel you, Will. And I love you."

"In honour of fresh starts?" Oz murmured, giving Tara a significant look. Tara nodded, trying not to think about it – fear Willow finding out before Tara could actually tell her.  
>"Oz and I kissed," Tara said with a blush.<p>

"You know what?" Willow said with a laugh, "considering that this weekend I: a) nearly killed you, b) admitted to actually – accidentally – killing you last year and c) broke all of the promises that I made to you, I'm not mad in the slightest."

"A fresh start," Tara said tenderly, hugging the three people in front of her. "It's just what we need."

* * *

><p>"Oy, Almost-Slayer!" Spike caught Kennedy by the arm. She punched him, hard and he fell backward, rubbing his nose but not fighting back. She continued speed-walking away from him and he had to jog to keep up. "Stop!" he commanded, grabbing her more forcefully and turning her to face him. He felt a pang as he realised that her face was covered in tear tracks, her nose red and running. He reached out, wiping a tear from her cheek then put it to his tongue, tasting the salt. She glared at him, wiping her face on her sleeve.<p>

"What do you want, Spike?" She folded her arms and with a jolt, Spike realised that he'd never seen her look so vulnerable. Kennedy had always been his favourite potential, she was a right firecracker, very upfront and stubborn – kind of like Faith. But this… this was a new side to her which Spike realised he hated seeing.

"I want you to come back inside like a normal person – preferably before the sun comes up and lights me on fire."

"They don't want me there. I should just go crash as Xander's with all the other potentials. The only thing that made me better than them was the fact that I was with Willow – that's it. It's the only reason Buffy gave me any power over those girls, it was just a pity trip for Willow. I'm no better than them and I should stop thinking that I am." She wiped her eyes again and began stalking away. Spike rolled his eyes, grabbing her and turning her back to him.

"You're wrong, luv."

"What?"

"I said you're wrong." He shrugged, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, before taking a drag. "You are special, Kennedy. You are better than them – not just because of Willow, it was before Willow. You have more training than any of them, you wield a cross-bow better than Miss Slayer Reformed 2003, you pack a mean punch, even without powers," he rubbed his jaw. "Kennedy, we all know that you're going to be the next one called, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Buffy doesn't play favourites – you gotta know that by now, luv. She's all business. If she didn't think that you were strong enough, she wouldn't let you lead them girls. Your skills are incredible, sure," he pulled her in closer, "but your heart, that's what makes you really special. You care, Kennedy. You care about the girls, about the fight. Your heart is a big 'un, Kenn. You were even willing to give up the woman you love, because you knew it was the right thing for her. I get how much that hurts, believe me." He shook his head slowly. "Kennedy, you aren't just another potential. You're a bigger part of this operation than that. You may have lost Red, but you haven't lost your fight. So stop being a self-pitying sod and get your tight ass back in there, because they need you Kennedy. They really, really do."

Kennedy looked at Spike, shocked that deep and meaningful thoughts actually left his mouth. She leaned in and hugged him tightly, before pulling back and running full-pelt back to the house. With a satisfied smile, Spike meandered back at a leisurely pace. He may not be Buffy's anymore, but he could still help. He was still a part of this as much as Kennedy was.

**Oops. It's long. Hope you like it, that was more emotion and sorting out what's happened in the story so far. Got some ass-kicking action to come in the next chapter though. Tell me what you think about Tara's reaction to Willow… and your opinion on the Spike and Kennedy bit. I didn't mean it to come off like he has a crush on her, but it kinda did. Drop me a review and let me know :)**


	16. Sodding, Blimey, Bollocks, Shagging

**Sodding, Blimey, Bollocks, Shagging, Knickers…**

**Willow and Tara head to the land of amazing slang, everyone else tries to repair the damage on the home front and train the new potentials without letting on how bad things had gotten.**

"Okay, pre-plane jitters becoming an issue," Willow eeped, clutching Tara's hand as they made their way toward the gate. Tara just laughed, giving her girl a compassionate smile. Willow still walked with a slight limp, having sprained her ankle during their fight and Tara was still all bruise-y. They looked quite a sight, walking hand-in-hand down the terminal, covered in battle scars… but both of them were beyond caring. They'd been working hard at patching things up, but it seemed more difficult than it had been the first time. It was no longer a matter of "can you just be kissing me now?" Hey presto, all gone. There was a tension between them that the witches hadn't felt since their first conversation after the breakup almost exactly a year ago. There was something between them now… sure, they were closer on a spiritual level and had the whacky-mind-connection going, but there was a strain to their conversations and interactions, something that hadn't been there before. They'd had a month, a whole, wonderful, glorious month after Tara had come back… for Willow it was the most perfect month of her life. And in 48 hours, she'd screwed it up. Just like last time, Willow had screwed it up. Except, this time, when Willow had screwed up Tara was still right by her side. Even though she'd hurt her, even though Willow had put her through hell and back in a few short hours, Tara was still here with her, and that was enough. That was enough to make Willow believe that maybe, just maybe, things could get better. That she could build a life with the girl beside her – if they didn't die before the end of the year. But Willow still had to make it up to her love, and hope the tension between them would alleviate enough for them to rebuild their relationship… but it'd be a 'from the ground up' sorta job.

* * *

><p>"What do we tell the potentials?" Buffy asked to the room at large. On coming back from the airport, all of the scoobies had gathered to discuss What Happens Next.<p>

"The truth," Faith said with a non-chalant shrug. "They're big girls, they can deal."

"Hold your pony, Faith," Xander said, raising a hand, "I don't know about you, but if there was a woman who I looked up to and trusted with all my heart and someone came along and told me that she'd gone all evil and was now in witchy-rehab with her undead lover, I'd be a little wigged."

"Well, they all already know about what happened after Tara died…" Faith argued.

"I know, babe, but they don't know that Willow, er… they don't know that she, with Tara and…"

"Oh for God's sake!" Dawn cried, "just say it, okay? Willow _killed _Tara last year, we all know it and we just have to admit it!"

"It's not as easy as that," Oz said quietly, soothing Dawn. "We all love Willow very much, and we know that some bad stuff's happened to her, but admitting what happened… it hurts."

"But if we don't admit it, how do we forgive her?" Dawn asked, almost angry. All of the adults in the room – except for Kennedy – averted their eyes, not looking at Dawn. Kennedy just glared at the wall. "What? What?!" Dawn asked, getting to her feet and walking over to the doorway Buffy and Faith were standing in.

"Well, we're just… Willow, she…"

Dawn's eyes darkened, and she folded her arms, her nostrils flaring. "You're not going to forgive her?" Dawn's voice was low and dark, laced with menace and disbelief.

"Well, B's being a little unreasonable…" Faith muttered, stroking her girlfriend's back. "We're all prepared to give Red another chance, hey, y'all did for me, so…"

"And I'd go to the ends of the Earth and back again for her," Xander added.

"No matter what she's done, who…" Oz shook his head, "well, she's still our Willow."

"Tara never considered leaving her for a moment," Giles murmured from the back of the room. Everyone turned to look at him, shocked at the revelation. No one other than Oz had gotten the chance to talk to them before they left for England. "She came to me early this morning, before they left…" Giles put an arm around Buffy's shoulder. "Tara never thought about it, not even for a second. It was never even a question. If Tara still trusts Willow then so do I. I trust Tara's judgement far more than I trust anyone else's."

"We tell the potentials nothing," Buffy commented in a low voice. "Kennedy, if you say so much as one thing to them I'll…"

"Kick my ass, yeah, I got it."

"But, won't they want to know where Willow and Tara have gone?"

"England, Wicca course," Buffy said, before turning and leaving the room. End of discussion then.

* * *

><p>"The next person who tries to talk over me is doing fifty situps!" Kennedy yelled at the girls.<p>

"Scary," muttered Rona.  
>"Fifty! Now!" Kennedy barked.<p>

"Kenn, how 'bout you remove the pole from your ass _before _jumping down our throats." Chloe just glared furiously at her fellow potential.

"Yeah, seriously Kennedy, what's got you all pissy all of a sudden?" Molly looked almost bored as she crossed her arms.

"Nothing!" Kennedy gave an exasperated sigh. "You girls need to just mind your own business, 'kay?"

"Fine, but if you're goin' to be mean t'all of us here girls, we're goin' inside," Eve said smugly in her smooth, southern drawl.

"She's not being mean," Buffy's soft voice came down from the patio. "She's being realistic. You girls have got to keep training, otherwise we're not going to make it out the other side of this fight."

"Feelin' the joy today, huh?" Rona grumbled, finishing her last sit-up.

"Can't Tara take our training? She's nicer." Chloe gave an innocent, hopeful smile.

"Willow and Tara have gone to England for a while," Buffy replied carefully.

"Great time for a holiday," Amanda muttered. "Couldn't they wait until _after _the world ends?"

"All of you!" Kennedy yelled, "drop and give me fifty!" The brunette potential slayer was almost in tears. Before the girls could all begin objecting again, a rustle came from the nearby bushes. Buffy looked up, her eyes wide and her stance wary. Kennedy, sensing Buffy's sudden tenseness, froze, slowly looking toward the noise.

"Either my spidey sense is malfunctionin', or we got ourselves a visitor," Faith loped down the stairs with an easy grace, gliding past Buffy and the potentials. She thrust her hand into the bushes and pulled out a squirming, embarrassed looking demon.

"How did she…?" Amanda trailed off, shocked at Faith's sudden appearance.

"Slayer thing," the brunette said with a wink. "Now, who… or what … are you?" She shoved the scaly, horned demon onto the ground, pinning it with the toe of her boot. Buffy drew up behind her girlfriend, standing protectively over her shoulder.

"P-P-P-P-P-P-Pon…" the demon intoned, almost rivalling Tara's nervous stutter. "My name is Pon."

"Porn?" Faith scoffed, chuckling to herself, "jeeze, you got yourself some wicked nasty parents. Betcha got teased in the schoolyard for that one…"

Buffy punched her girlfriend's arm – if Faith had been of human strength she would have been sent sprawling, but being of the slayer-type skill, she just folded her arms, tossing a glare in Buffy's direction. "What was that for?"

"_Pon_," Buffy intoned, "not porn!"

"Ah, 'kay… Can I kill him?"

"Again with the pony-holding babe, let's ask him what he's here for first."

"I am h-h-here to deliver a m-message," he said quietly, his stutter very obvious.

"A message?" Kennedy asked warily, drawing up behind the two slayers.

"From who?" Buffy said.

"H-h-h-he gave no name, h-h-he said that I deliver message to girls. Blonde girl. Brunette girl. S-s-s-strong girls." He glanced at the yard, there were at least ten blonde girls and twenty brunettes. The only one he knew his message wasn't for was the one red-head…

"That'd be us, right B?" Faith bounced up on the balls of her feet, biting back a smirk.

"Then all other g-g-girls leave," Pon commanded.

"Yeah," Kennedy scoffed, "that's likely."

"Go, Kennedy," Buffy murmured, pinching the bridge of her nose. "And take the girls with you."

"Fine," she huffed, trudging inside and indicating for the potentials to follow her. Had Spike been wrong? In all of this, was she still as worthless as all the other potentials?

* * *

><p>"What's ya message, scale boy?" Faith prodded at his slightly squishy, bright red scales. He had blunt little blue horns and his eyes were black, strikingly reminiscent of Willow's. Buffy found herself unable to meet them.<p>

"This," and he opened his mouth and let out a shrill, high whistle.

* * *

><p>"It's a trap," Giles sighed, "it's bound to be." Kennedy was sitting across from him at the island bench clutching a cup of coffee having just filled the Watcher in on their visitor.<p>

"Duh," Kennedy said. She looked back down at her coffee, gripping the cup so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.

"Kennedy," Giles said gently, "are you, erm, that is to say… are you feeling, uh," he paused, trying to find the right words. "How are you going, with everything?"

"Everything?" Kennedy asked.

"Uh, yes… your responsibilities, personal life… it's all very, er, demanding," the Englishman finished lamely.

"Nah, it's all good. I only got given a death-sentence of a destiny, charge of a group of girls that are going to die, found love then had my heart torn out and _for God's sake_ I can't even hate the girl that stole my lover's heart because, hey, it turns out she's so fucking _nice _that no one can hate her. I feel useless and I'm pretty sure I'll be dead before the end of the year. I'm great," he voice was practically dripping with sarcasm.

"Kennedy…"

The demi-slayer stood up, putting her coffee cup down and walking out of the room.

"Kennedy, uh, wait…"

* * *

><p>The whistle resounded around the garden and in an instant, the entire yard was filled with demons. They were all identical to Pon, scaly, horned, you know the deal. Faith reached out and with one hand, snapped Pon's neck.<p>

"Thanks for the message dude…" and she turned as she spoke, planting a round-house kick in the chest of one of his demon buddies. Buffy dropped two of them, but they just kept coming. There were at least thirty of them in the yard already.

"Kennedy!" Buffy screamed.

* * *

><p>"Kennedy…" Oz grabbed the brunette's arm as she ran out of the kitchen. She hastily wiped away her tears and straightened herself a little, but Oz still didn't let go of her arm.<p>

"I-I'm sorry," she muttered, sniffing. "I'm being so stupid at the moment… I'm never usually like this. The TLC from all you guys is nice but." She smirked slightly and Oz returned her smile.

"It's okay to need a little TLC every once in a while, Kenn."

She just nodded, breaking free of Oz's grasp and walking toward the living room.

"When Willow chose Tara over me, I cried for weeks," he admitted. Kennedy stopped in her tracks, turning to face the sandy-haired man. Oz? Cry? He was all… stoic-y and, well, silent. He never displayed emotions. Ever.

"Well, I guess she has a knack for tearing out hearts," Kennedy tried to continue onward toward the living room but Oz stopped her again.

"It's okay to be hurt Kennedy, but you have to know that Willow cares about you. You'll always have a place in her heart. So will I. So will Xander. Tara may get the penthouse, but we've got some apartments in there too. Remember that. She'll always value your safety above her own."

"Oz, I-" But Kennedy was cut off by Buffy's scream of her name. "Haul ass girls, we got ourselves a minor disaster!"

* * *

><p>"Giles-said-it-was-a-trap!" Kennedy punctuated each word with a blow to the demon she was battling, and he dropped to the ground with a groan. She spun round, using Oz's back for leverage as she snapped another demon's neck with her feet.<p>

"The way you fight…" Oz puffed, ducking a throw from one of the demons, "you'd think you were already a slayer."

"My watcher trained me well." Kennedy had hardly even broken a sweat, though her kill count was almost as high as Buffy's or Faith's.

"You know if Willow and Tara were here, they could just poof the demons away!" Molly yelled angrily.

"Shut up Molly!" Kennedy yelled, giving a particularly violent kick to a demon and sending it straight into Faith's knife.

"You're valuable, Kennedy," Oz murmured, ducking as his demon pounced at him. It rolled over his back and straight into Vi's waiting axe. "I wish you could see that. You didn't need Willow to be important. I know it feels like it now, but – even without her – you're still incredible."

She stared at Oz, opened mouthed, barely registering as she reached out and snapped the neck of the demon he'd been fighting. Was Oz right? Was she really being so irrational, defining her worth in terms of the girl who'd rejected her?

"You'll find someone, Kennedy. It's not Willow, but I promise you she's out there." Oz stabbed a demon brutally in the gut before turning back to Kennedy. "I thought that I'd never be able to love anyone ever again… but now I know that's not true."

If Kennedy hadn't been on the verge of tears, she might have noticed the faint blush creeping into the werewolf's cheeks.

**So so so sorry it's been so long! Laptop issues… I had to get it repaired and didn't think to make a copy of the story so I could work on it in the meantime. Anyways, more frequent updates now.**


	17. First Date

**First Date**

**Willow and Tara are sorting it out in England, Kennedy and Oz have some talking to do.**

"Ask her out."

"What?"

"Ask her out," the blonde slayer repeated.  
>"Buffy, in case you didn't notice, Kennedy – kinda gay."<p>

"I don't mean ask her out _like that, _Oz! I mean take her out, coffee, movie, fun time. She needs to get out of here for a bit, you know. Move on."  
>"But how do I do that without having her think I'm hitting on her?"<p>

"Trust me, she won't think you're hitting on her."

* * *

><p>"Ask her out."<p>

"What?"

"Ask her out," the witch repeated.

"In case you haven't noticed, Tara and me, already kinda gotten to home base. Like a billion times. I think we're kinda beyond first-date niceties."

"Look Willow," Alena, the high priestess at the coven in England, explained, "there's this whole thing where you killed her and stomped on every bit of trust she ever put in you. Trust me, you girls need to start at square one. Work your way up to a real relationship now. Boycott the snoggin' and just… court her again. I know she's told you that you're still together and that she still loves you, but I think you really need to give it some time. Work up to it a little more. I mean, d'you really think it'd be a good idea for you to just jump back into crazy sex straight away?"

"My Goddess, you're right…" Willow shook her head. "So we ease back?"

"_There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again on both sides. You have to learn if we're even the same people we were. If you can fit in each others lives. It's a long and important process, and can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?_" Alena quoted. "This time, don't just skip it. Don't just be kissing her again. Work through it."

* * *

><p>"Kennedy?" Oz stood in the doorway of the kitchen. The potential slayer was bent over the island bench, her tongue poked through her teeth while she tried to finish the crossword.<p>

"Fuck!" She threw the pencil down, then – seeing Oz's injured expression – back peddled. "Oh God, Oz… not you!" She corrected, moving toward him. "I … crossword. It was too hard. Can't get the last one."

"What is it?" He asked, peering over her shoulder and chuckling at the fact that she was the one and only person he'd ever met who did her crosswords in biro.

"It says _a five letter word for the place in-between or forgotten_."

"Limbo?"

"Place, not a dance, Oz," Kennedy said with a sad but teasing grin.

"No," he urged, "limbo, it's the word for the inbetween place, where no one knows where they are or who they belong to or with…" he trailed off.

"Huh," Kennedy said, inking the word onto the paper. "Would have thought that I'd know the name of the place I'm in, wouldn't'cha?" She just smiled ruefully. "You're a good man, Oz. If I didn't still wanna sweep Scarlett O'Hara off her feet, I'd have you in an instant." She offered the wolf another small smile before walking away.

* * *

><p>"Tara?" Willow looked at her lover. The blonde witch was sitting cross-legged on the bed, meditating.<p>

"Oh shit…" she tipped sideways off the bed, her concentration broken.

"Oh, Tara… I'm so sorry!"  
>"No, no, it's not your fault sweetie. I wasn't really concentrating anyway."<p>

"But you're usually so grounded…" Willow trailed off sadly, realising that the reason Tara was so fragmented was probably all down to the nearly-dead-because-of-Willow-again thing.

"I was healing," Tara offered Willow a small smile as she climbed back up onto the bed, rubbing her arm. "Still toting some serious bruises here."

Willow nodded remorsefully. "You want some help?"

"N-n-no, sweetie, I'll be fine…" she trailed off, but then looked back up at Willow. "C-c-could you j-just hold my hands for a m-minute… just I n-need energy, not p-p-power per say but…" she put her head forward, letting her hair hang over her eyes.

Willow's insides knotted coldly… when was the last time Tara had stuttered this badly? She hadn't gotten this nervous or hidden behind her hair when Willow was around since they'd first met… Alena really was right, they had to start from the beginning.

"Of course, Tara."

* * *

><p>"Uber-vamp – see figure 1." Kennedy was standing in front of Andrew's Big Board, instructing the potentials on the staking of uber-vamps. "Sunlight, ouch…poof, beheading, poof, holy water, ouch, staking, poof. Got it?"<p>

"So… same as a normal vamps?" Rona rolled her eyes.

"No… _not _same as normal vamps." Kennedy rolled her eyes right back. "These guys are like freaking steel, you can't just poke 'em with your number two pencil and expect a big ole' pile of dust – you gotta really work at it. Faith is going to take you through some training drills today to start building your strength – you're gonna need it if you're going to be able to get the stake even halfway through the vamps." Kennedy grinned at them, then turned to look at Faith and Buffy who were standing in the corner. "Over to you, slay-master-generals."

"Hey, Kennedy?" Oz called down the stairs, "can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure." She bounded up the stairs, two at a time. Even depressed, she had bucket-loads of energy.

"I was wondering, do you wanna do dinner and a movie with me tonight?" Had he really just used _that _many words? Dear God, what was she doing to him?

"Thought I'd already made this pretty clear, skeech – unless you suddenly turn into Scarlett O'Hara, I don't play for your team," she winked, turning to head back to the basement.

"I-I don't mean a date. I mean as friends. A friend-date."

"You really do like befriending the lesbians don'tcha? Willow, Tara, me… you gonna try Faith next?"

"C'mon Kennedy, you're my friend and you deserve some time off. You're working just as hard as Buffy and Faith, you need a little TLC."

"Seven sound good?" She flashed him a grin, then flounced back into the basement, a slight spring back in her step.

* * *

><p>Wordlessly, Willow sat down on the end of Tara's bed, leaning up against the foot-board. She looked deeply into Tara's eyes, feeling that ever-familiar spark as she gazed into the wiccan's sapphire eyes. Tar felt it too, that merging of essences that she'd felt that very first time in the laundry room and, despite all they'd been through, it was just as strong now. Willow was concentrating hard, trying to project some of her energy into Tara. The redhead was staring intently know, her brow slightly furrowed. She could feel her energy swirling around her, but it wasn't projecting right, she didn't have enough control… nothing was happening! Tara looked at her, then down at her hand. Very slowly, she reached out and interlocker their fingers. She pressed their palms together, and they slowly raised them. With a sudden jolt, Tara felt Willow's energy flow through her. She shuddered with the suddenness of it all, but the energy felt good. She gazed into Willow's eyes, not daring to untwine their fingers, fear of breaking the magic of the moment. Staring into the nervous, green eyes, feeling Willow's warm palm pressed against hers, sensing the magic flowing around them… she could have sworn that she was back in the laundry room with Willow, the night the Gentlemen came.<p>

* * *

><p>"You look beautiful Kennedy," Oz complimented. She was dressed simply in dark jeans, white pumps and a tank top.<p>

"Thanks," Oz could have sworn he saw her blush. He hooked his arm in hers and led her down the street. "So where are we going?"

"I figured we'd go see something funny, you know, comedy break…"

"Always appreciated."

"Then maybe drop by the bronze for drinks and munchies?"

"You're a true gentleman," she giggled as he opened the door of the cinemas for her.

"Well, I though you deserved a night out, you know, before the whole town collapses into firey hell."

"Ever the optimist," she observed.  
>"Only an opportunist. Some may see the glass half full, others see it half empty… but while they argue, I just drink it."<p>

"I like it…" Kennedy grinned, sliding an arm around his waist.

"Two for American Pie – thanks," Oz handed over the cash. Kennedy reached for her purse, but Oz shooed her away. "My treat."

"Oz, you don't have t-"

"Yes, I do. I offered to take you out, I'm paying."

She just rolled her eyes, crossing her arms stubbornly.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for that," Tara smiled at Willow. "It really helped."<p>

"You're the one with power, Tara. I just offered."

"C'mon, Will. You know you're powerful."

"Oh yeah… let's see, kill count three, friends in danger, apocalypse bringing and almost every simple spell I do blows up in my face… I'm _definitely _not helpful."

"No, you are." Tara smiled shyly at Willow, giggling internally at the mimic-y-ness of their day. Maybe they really were starting over.

Willow looked up at her, suddenly overcome with the nerves and shyness of the first time she'd asked this question.

"Tara?"

"Yes?"

"Would you um, I mean, would you like to uh… I mean, you can say no if you want because, weird… with how far we've and – and what's happened and…"

"Willow? You're babbling, what do you want to ask me? You know you can tell me anything."

"Tara, uh… would you like to, err… doyouwannagooutwithmesometim e?" she rushed.

"What?"

"Do, you, want to, go out with me, sometime," Willow said more slowly.

Tara grinned, realising what Willow was doing. "Definitely, I'd love to."

"Great," Willow grinned.

* * *

><p>Tara lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her heart was pounding and she was near tears. It was all because she realised something… none of this would have happened if it weren't for her. It was her fault that Willow lost control, killed her and went all evil. If Tara hadn't been so weak, if she hadn't just given in and rushed their relationship, then none of this would have happened. She'd been right – They should have worked through anything, rebuilt the trust. They should have tried to re-learn each other, re-evaluate themselves in each other's lives. It was a long and important process… and Tara, stupid, stupid Tara had been the one to suggest that they "just skip it". If they hadn't "just skipped it" then none of this would have happened. They would have been fine. But they wouldn't skip it this time. They just couldn't. Willow was her soulmate, plain and simple. She wasn't going to screw it up again.<p>

Willow could hear Tara's thoughts, and they made her want to cry. How could Tara possible be blaming herself for everything that happened? Dear God, Willow had forgotten how low the girls self-esteem was… even though she knew she shouldn't, she just couldn't help herself. Willow slid out of bed and padded down the hall, entering Tara's room without knocking. She smiled softly at the girl before sliding under the covers next to her, running a hand down her arm.

"Don't you dare, Tara Maclay. Don't you dare start blaming yourself. You're too special for that."

"But Willow…"

"No. This is a fresh start Tara. No blame, no worries. We work through this, and we come out the other side better for it."

"A long, important process…"

"And we'll make it, I know we will."

**And I apologise for the American Pie reference... couldn't resist.**


	18. Chasing Cars

**Chasing Cars **

**The motivation for (the end of) this chapter came from the beautiful song, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. Thanks to all my AMAZING readers and reviewers, you're feeding my muse nummy treats :D So in this chapter, woo-age abounds, Oz gets to re-evaluate his relationship with a certain blonde witch and a sassy brunette potential makes a decision.**

"Faith?"

"Make it quick, brat," but as the brunette slayer turned around, she softened, seeing the worry in Kennedy's eyes. "What's up?" She gestured to the bed and Kennedy sat down, ringing her hands.

"Faith, you're, uh… I mean, you know guys, right?"

"Define 'know'," the slayer smirked.

"I mean, with the sex and all. Attraction. Mutual feelings. Love."

"Sex, yes. Attraction, totally. Mutual feelings? Well, does horniness count?"

"You've never fallen for a guy?"

"Is it horrible that I have to say no?"

"How many have you fucked?" Kennedy asked bluntly.

Faith, ever proud of her conquests grinned, puffing out her chest, "twenty-four – and no longer countin'."

"How many have you made love to?"

"None, I have to admit."

"I love a good fuck as much as the next girl, but didn't you ever want something more?"

"Sure I did," Faith laughed. "But I didn't want it with them. With them, it was about feeling good, ya know? But the whole time it was really just to numb the I'm-totally-madly-insanely-in-love-with-a-girl-who-could-never-love-me-back feelings." She paused, looking at Kennedy. Why was the little brat asking her this stuff? She was gay, why would she care about sex with a guy? Slowly, Faith had one of those lightbulb moments in which you realise something incredibly important. "Oh God, Kenn, no way! You didn't… not with dog boy, no way!" Faith stood, taking a step back.

"No! Euch, no!" Kennedy stood, grabbing Faith's arm. "But I just… God, Faith, I miss her so damn much! If I… with Oz… would it stop hurting?"

"You wanna know the truth?"

"Would I have asked if I didn't?"

"Okay, and this is the whole, complete truth Kennedy. Don't take it as advice, cuz it ain't that. Just understand that I'm telling you this because you deserve to know. It'll feel good. In fact, it will feel fucking brilliant. It'll be all about the moment and for at least a little while, the entire world will fall away. You'll be joined to someone else, and that feels fucking awesome. Then there's the orgasm, where you're, like, floatin'… then comes that blissful moment of calm, ya know? And with a pussy as tight as yours, miss only-been-tongue-fucked, all that'll last about twenty minutes. And it'll be the best fucking twenty minutes you've had in a damn long time. But you know what?"

"What?"

"Once it's over, you'll be just as numb, and cold as empty as before… in fact, it'll be worse, because you'll hate yourself for doing it. You'll hate yourself for being someone you're not."

* * *

><p>Tara tapped her fingernails against the desk, waiting for someone at Revello drive to pick up. Willow was outside meditating with Alena, and Tara wanted to get a status update from Slayer Central before she joined them.<p>

"Hello, residence of Buffy Summers… and Dawn. And Faith, because she lives here too. And Willow usually, except she's not here and now Tara lives here again too, but she's gone as well. Sometimes Xander and Anya live here and Giles is staying with about fifteen potentials, let's see, they're Kennedy, Violet, Chloe, Molly, Anna-"

"Goddess help me, Andrew, if you finish that list I'll be forced to come and shove this phone down your throat."

"Tara!" he yelped. "Oh it's so good to hear from you!"

"Andrew, is there someone there I can talk to?"

"You can talk to me!" He said hopefully.

"Andrew, as much as I'd love to, this is costing me about $500000 a second, so please hand me over to someone who actually knows what's happening."

"Well Kennedy's just here…"

"Andrew, er, s-s-someone _other _than Willow's ex, p-please…"

Hearing the nerves in her voice, he quickly handed the phone to Oz, who was walking by.

"Andrew?" Tara asked, wondering where he'd gone.

"Uh… Oz," the wolf replied.

"I thought I requested someone _other _than Willow's ex," she muttered to herself.

"What?"

"Uh, n-n-nothing."

"So, how's it going?"

"Willow's doing good. Definitely. With goodness. She's really learning some good control techniques with the coven."

"And you two?"

"Going slowly. Starting again, you know? Blank slate, Tabula Rasa…" she winced at her usage of the term.

"That's good. And hey, courting Willow? Fun times will be had."

"I'm sure they will," Tara giggled. "Hey Oz?"

"Mmm?"  
>"I miss you."<p>

"I miss you too Tara. It's so strange, I never thought that… well, we're not the most likely friends but…"

"But you feel connected?" Tara smiled.

"Exactly. Connected."

"Witchy power and wolfiness… kind of go together like, uh, mix-y things."

"I guess so. We all miss you guys, slayer central has been kind of hectic without you. I don't think we noticed what a calming influence you were until you left."

"How're the walls?"

"Xander's been fixing them."

"That's good," she said quietly. "I want Willow – and me – to come back to a fresh start."

"When?"

"When I think she's ready to do this without an entire coven backing her up."

"I love you Tara," he said. "You're doing a good thing – an incredible thing. Any other person would have done a runner long ago."

"She's my soulmate… I couldn't do anything less."

* * *

><p>First dates were a nerve-wracking experience. Tara should know, she'd been on a fair few of them. There was her 'date' with her third grade crush, Katie, when they'd gone to the Jungle Gym, there was her actual first date with a boy in her chemistry class in the eighth grade, the first date with her high school girlfriend Lucy and that – did it count as a date if they only knew each other for twelve hours? – <em>'date' <em>with the one-nighter she'd had in her freshman year… But none of them compared to the way she felt now. Tara checked over her appearance for the gazillionth time in the mirror, smoothing down her already flat hair. A half hour in the shower, an hour and a half on choosing the _perfect _outfit and forty-five minutes on her hair and make-up later, Tara was finally ready. And just in time, too, she realised as she heard a tentative knock at the door. She took a deep breath, smoothed down her dress one more time and then opened the door. Her jaw dropped. Willow stood before her looking positively radiant. Her hair was loose and curled, set aglow by the hall light and her cheeks were a dusky pink. She was wearing a black wrap-around dress that reached to her knees with pretty bell sleeves and a pair of boots as well as the – oh! – the silver necklace, embedded with an emerald that Tara had given her for their first anniversary.

"Wow," the red-head breathed.

"Wow yourself," Tara murmured, still drinking it the witch's stunning appearance. Willow leaned in, palcing a light kiss on the girl's cheek before taking her hand.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, just let me grab my bag."

* * *

><p>"How d'you think they're goin'?" Faith asked, curling herself around Buffy. They were lying in bed, Buffy was reading and Faith had just been enjoying watching her pink little tongue dart out of her mouth to periodically moisten her lips.<p>

"They're doing really well, Kennedy's really been helping them with their fighting stances and-"

"No," Faith said, gently cutting Buffy off, "I don't mean Slay Jrs, I mean Red and her girl."

"Oh," Buffy said softly, looking down into her book. "Honestly? I don't know. After everything that went down, I can't believe they're still together. I mean, last time they broke up after one spell, but all this hasn't pulled them apart? I won't believe it until I see it."  
>"I reckon it was more than just one spell last time, ya know? I reckon that kind of thing builds up, but after you work through it, it's harder to shake 'em up the next time. Ya get what I'm sayin' babe?"<p>

"I 'spose…" Buffy said half-heartedly.

"Look, they're soulmates now, literally. It's not like that's somethin' you can just… ignore."

"I get that…" Buffy paused, a slight smile gracing her lips. "I really get that." She turned to Faith, her eyes shining. "I love you Faith."

"I love you too, B. With all my everything."

"Everything," Buffy murmured, snuggling into her girl's chest.

"It'll work out, B. You'll see. It'll all be fine." And Faith, leaning in and capturing Buffy's lips in a blazingly passionate kiss, turned out the light.

* * *

><p>"Willow, this place is beautiful…" Willow had led Tara into a small, cozy Italian restaurant. It was warmed by a crackling wood fire and there were intimate little candles on every table. Everything about it was small and quaint.<p>

"Reservation for Rosenberg?" Willow asked the waiter.

"Ah! Miss Rosenberg, come come come…" the waiter was middle aged and balding, with a considerable belly to match his considerable Italian accent and considerable handle-bar moustache. "We have the most lovely table set for you and your _bella donna_," he said, kindly gesturing for them to sit down.

Tara blushed at his compliment, murmuring a brief thank you in her limited Italian.

"You speak Italian?" Willow said, surprised.

Tara laughed, "_Tipo di, ma mia bella_," then off Willow's look, "Sort of, my b-beautiful."

Willow flushed, looking embarrassedly down at her menu. Three years on and Tara could still make her blush like a little schoolgirl. Maybe this dating thing would even be fun – get to redo all the firsts they never really got to have. Perhaps that's what their relationship had been missing all along – a beginning.

"What will the lovely ladies be having tonight?" Their waiter came over, his cheeks very red and a big smile on his face. He looked kind of like Santa, Willow thought… if Santa was Italian.

The girls placed their orders, before returning to their conversation.

"So, uh, first date… what are we supposed to talk about? I-I mean, I kind of already know the stuff that you're meant to find out about on a first date."

Tara laughed, Willow was very sweet. "Play a game with me?"

Willow blushed, remembering the last time that they'd 'played a game' in a romantic restaurant – it had ended an hour later with them both coming out of the bathroom, flushed and musky with each other's underwear stuffed in their bras. Tara realised what Willow had been thinking about and couldn't help feel a pang of arousal deep in her belly. This courting thing might be harder than she thought… Willow was right. They did have a weird amount of history to start 'dating' again. But still, if Willow was willing to play by Tara's rules, it could be fun.

"What kind of game?"

"I'm going to say something, and you answer the first thing that pops into your head, okay? It'll let me, uh, get to know more about how you think…"

"Okay!" Willow said eagerly. She couldn't help thinking, however, that Tara already knew her better than she knew herself.

"Here goes," Tara said. "Puppy or kitty?"

"Kitty."

"You're having a drink; hot or cold?"

"Hot."

"New York or New Jersey?"

"New York."

"Blue or green?"

"Blue."

"Black or white?"

"White."

"Stars or moon?"

"Stars."

"Mine or yours?"

"Yours."

"You feel; powerful or special?"

"Special."

"Bucket of chicken; which part do you want?"

"Breast."

Tara giggled. "If they made any flavour ice-cream, what would you want?"

And without thinking, Willow said brightly, "Tara-flavoured!"

Tara frowned teasingly at Willow, "vixen."

Willow blushed, she completely couldn't believe she'd just said that! It was true… but that was _so _not something you said on a first date!

"Witch or hacker?"

"Witch," the red-head whispered, her eyes wide as she realised the game Tara had been playing.

"Now tell me, Willow… if I'd asked you any of these questions the day you graduated high school, which answers would be the same?"

Willow thought… then realised something. Every single one of her answers had been shaped by Tara's role in her life… Tara made her a cat person, a hot-not-iced mocha girl, Tara had grown up in New York, her eyes were blue, her magic was white, she was ruled by the stars – not the moon, Tara was hers, she made her feel special, she had made her a breast-gal for life, she was ruled in all five senses by everything Tara… but just four years ago, every single answer would have been different – some of them, answered for Oz, others answered for the girl she used to be before she met Tara. Tara had crafted a new, stronger, more confident Willow – true, a more dangerous one, but in the end, she felt, a better one. In that moment, Willow couldn't believe how much she truly loved the woman – her soul mate – who sat across the table from her.

"Tara… you're my everything," she began, but before she could finish they were interrupted by their portly waiter placing their food on the table and effectively breaking them moment.

"Grazi," Tara murmured, a blush high on her cheeks. She looked down at her food, her hair momentarily covering her face before she brushed it back and looked up at her love with shining eyes, "just so you know, Willow, I do love you. I know you're not meant to say that on a first date, but we have… well, we have things of the circumstance kind. And I do. Love you."

"I love you too Tara! You're my soulmate."

_This girl may have been the death of me, but Goddess, I love her so much. _Tara thought – and Willow heard.

_Hehe, I love you baby. _Willow replied, sneaking her a coy smile.

_I'll say it again, Will… Vixen!_

* * *

><p>It's first-date etiquette to walk your date home… but it's a bit weird when you're both staying in the same big old mansion, in adjoining rooms. Still, Willow walked Tara all the way to her door.<p>

"I still think you should have let me pay," Tara grumbled, a slight grin on her face.

"Never. My treat Tara. You know the deal, eat Italian, ease my pain."

"Whatever you say, sweetie."

Willow smiled at her, unwilling to link their hands. "Well, uh… goodnight."

"Very good," Tara murmured.  
>"Early morning meditation?"<p>

"6am under the Willow tree by the river," Tara smiled, "how could I ever forget?"

"Well, see you in the morning…" Was this the time? Willow thought to herself. It was traditional to kiss goodnight at the front door, right?

"I believe it is, yes," Tara said, offering Willow a grin.

"Darn this telepathic connection…" Willow giggled. "Ruins all the surprises."

"Sweetie, I think I've had enough surprises for ten lifetimes," she paused, "and I'm only on my second one."

Tara gave her sweet, lopsided grin and Willow couldn't help but grin back at the adorableness. Slowly, the red-headed witch leaned in, capturing the blonde's lips in a sweet goodnight kiss. They pulled apart after a moment, both flushed. Tara couldn't help but realise how desperately she wanted more, and could hear in Willow's thoughts that the red-head was feeling the same deep flame of arousal… but they just couldn't. Not yet. Tara had made it a rule long ago to not put out on first dates… even with Willow. That red-headed vixen would just have to work a little harder with the woo-age.

"Goodnight, Willow."

"Goodnight, Tara." And the witch walked the two feet to her door, blowing Tara a kiss.

_If I lay here, _the blonde witch thought, _if I just lay here, would she lie with me, just forget the world?_

_I don't quite know how to say how I feel about her…_ Willow thought. _Those three words… they're said too much. And no matter how many times she tells me, I still don't know if she could ever really forgive me._

_I wish we could just waste our time… watching the stars. I need you, Willow. Know that._

The two witches lay, with just a thin wall separating them, pretending they couldn't hear the thoughts of the other but secretly loving it.

_All that I am, all that I ever was, was shaped by you Tara. It's there in your perfect eyes, they're all that I can see. I don't know where, confused about how as well, but I know that things can never change for us at all. I'll always have you, Tara._

Fingers crept between thighs as minds filled with thoughts of the other… as they exchanged images and fantasies through their connection… as their climaxes rolled through them like undulating ocean waves … as they lay, separated but joined. Never alone.

**Hope it's okay! Next chapter soon - magic going awry, friends in danger... Willow really is something special ;)**


	19. Something Special

**Something Special**

**This is set around the time that 'The Killer in Me' would have occurred – if you're wondering where we are in the timeline of event. Anyway, magic going awry, friends in danger… What more could possibly go wrong?**

Willow often wondered what she feared more than anything else. If someone had asked her back in middle school, she would have said frogs. In high school, she probably would have said vampires. Or maybe those uber-ooky slimy demons. But if someone asked now? Well… her answer would probably have to be herself. She was truly terrified of what she could do, how she could so easily lose control. She thought she'd regained total control of her powers, but that weekend with Tara had made her realise that she was _far _from on top of things. All it took was a tiny bit of taunting, and she was all black-eyed-baddy again… why didn't she have more self-control? It was still easier, more automatic, for her to slip back into those dark powers, using her blackness to feed her magic rather than the using Earth. She was getting better though. She meditated with Tara every single day, and they practised channelling Willow's power through the Earth. Everything was connected, and every now and again, Willow could truly feel it. She felt like she was a part of something huge. But it was still hard. Every time she went to do magic, her heart would start pounding and she'd be terrified that she was about to do something horrible. Something life – or potentially world – ending. She didn't deserve the happiness Tara was giving her, not really. Not after everything she'd done.

But it didn't do well to dwell on bad thoughts… no… she'd just have to let herself forget, move on. She was Willow. Willow Danielle Rosenberg. She wasn't evil. Really…

Willow went over to her dresser, picking up the Doll's Eye crystal Tara had gifted her during their first weeks together. She rolled it over in her hand, letting herself feel the way the Earth's energy coursed through it. It tingled, vibrated with warmth and power. Willow felt the magic welling up in her fingertips, but it was the Earth's power. This was good magic.

"Goddess Gaia… help me. Help me overcome my fears… please…" she begged, more a prayer than a spell.

"It's a lesson, Willow," Tara said quietly, startling the redhead with her presence. "You can't just 'overcome'… you have to learn. You have to learn that you're not that person anymore."

"But how can I, Tara?" Willow turned, her eyes shining with tears, the crystal held so tightly in her hand that her knuckles were white. "I don't know if she's gone… I thought she was, but then… she was still there. And she – I – I hurt you."

"If you ask Gaia to help you, you need to be prepared for her to teach you something." Tara guided her hands onto Willow's waist, pressing her lips to the woman's ear. "Are you ready, Willow?"

"I-I am…" she whispered, shuddering at the feeling of Tara's hot breath on her ear.

"Then ask," the blonde whispered.

"Gaia," Willow breathed. "Help me, teach me… show me what I fear, teach me that I'm not her any more… that I'm not going to lose control again."

"As you wish…" The voice echoed through the room, it was sweet but oddly terrifying… Willow had never heard so much power in three simple words.

Willow felt a surge of power course through her, but it was black…. Hard… bone-chillingly cold. Blackness gushed through her, erupting through her skin, painting her in veins, inking over her eyes and spreading through her hair. Within seconds, it erupted from her fingertips in a burst of white light, and Willow, Tara and all the scoobies back in America dropped to the ground, completely unconscious.

* * *

><p>Kennedy was the only person in the room who wasn't unconscious. She wasn't sure whether she was miffed that she wasn't important enough to be a part of whatever big-nasty had caused this, or grateful that she was still awake. Buffy and Faith were collapsed over the island bench, their fingers still twined. Giles was slumped on the table, his face in a book. Dawn was lying in the middle of the floor. Oz had his head against her thigh. Spike was slumped, half-sitting in the doorway. Xander was draped over Buffy, Anya had her hair in the dishwater. Great. Just great. Though… who'd be doing a spell? This was a spell right? Sleeping Beauty style, apparently… all of the Scoobies were still sleeping the sleep of the cursed. Kennedy touched Oz's cheek, hoping that she might rouse him, when suddenly Faith's head snapped up, followed by a dazed Buffy, dopey Xander, dripping Anya, woozy Dawn, disgruntled Giles, frowning Spike and quivering Oz. Kennedy reeled back, looking at the gang hopefully – she was kinda hoping that nothing was going to happen. Wishful thinking. Faith and Buffy pulled apart, glaring at each other, a wary look in Faith's eye. Xander just glanced around the room, shrugging, before going back to his comic-book and ignoring everybody. Giles just looked plain bored. Spike had an oddly hungry look in his eye, Dawn looked as if she were about to faint and Oz was shuddering to the point where he was nearly falling of his chair.<p>

"Guys?" Kennedy murmured, her voice escalating as a truly terrifying scene began to unfold in front of her, "guys?" She was nearly yelling, and she shrieked and cowered, as Spike knocked her to the ground.

* * *

><p>Tara stood woozily, her head spinning. Willow – all black-eyed-ink-haired-veiny – was still unconscious on the ground. She automatically felt her eyes filling with tears as she looked at her love… so unlike herself. Tara reached out, going to infuse the black-haired girl with some of her own energy, perhaps wake her. She pressed her palm to Willow's cheek, and found that here energy wasn't… releasing. It was stuck, no matter how hard she tried, nothing was happening. She frowned. Maybe she was just a bit frazzled? She looked at a biro on the desk, willing it to float. It didn't. She crouched back down next to Willow, desperately attempting to so much as read the aura of the young woman. Nothing. Zip, zilch, zero. What was happening to her powers? They were her only strength… she wasn't good for anything, not without her magic. Without magic, Willow couldn't possibly love her, she couldn't possibly be useful to the Scoobies. Magic was her connection to her mother… magic was the only reason she'd survived this long! She realised with a pang as she pulled herself back into the corner of the room, shaking, that there was nothing she feared more in the world than losing her powers.<p>

* * *

><p>Kennedy felt Spike's fangs sink deeply into the flesh of her neck and she screamed, kicking out at him. But he had her in a vice-like grip and was far stronger than her. What was happening? She thought Spike was beyond this… the human-feeding.<br>"Help me!" She shrieked, flailing out, desperate for Buffy or Faith's aid. She could feel herself getting faint as Spike took more and more of her blood. Buffy looked on, the slightest grin on her face. Faith watched too, and Kennedy could swear she was almost bemused. Xander was still ignoring them, as was Anya. Dawn was swaying on the spot and Oz was still shaking. Giles looked around, noting that no one else was helping, and rolled his eyes. He stood lethargically, still looking bored. He approached the struggling pair at a painfully slow pace, tapping Spike on the shoulder.

"Have off, mate," the Watcher said in a low, cockney drawl before – great dancing Jehovah! – clocking Spike across the jaw and sending him reeling.

"Watcher," the vampire growled.

"That's Ripper, to you, mate," Giles swung another punch, this time having Spike duck the hit. Suddenly, Giles fell to the ground, swearing loudly. Buffy stood behind him, a satisfied grin on her face.

"I think a part of me has wanted to do that for _years…_" And her face morphed. Her eyes were yellow, her forehead bumpy, her pointed tongue darting out and catching on threatening fangs.  
>"Fucking hell, is anyone <em>not <em>evil?" Anya yelled.

"M-me…" Dawn whispered, her whole body beginning to twist and contort. Kennedy, weak and blurry-eyed reached for the girl, but before she could grab her, Dawn literally turned inside out. But it wasn't her insides that were outward… instead, she was this ball of beautiful, green, glow-y energy… shining and sparkling…so bright… utterly entrancing… none of them could look away. Except Xander. He was still reading.

Buffy was trapped, that's the best way she could put it. She was in there, feeling everything her body was doing, but she had no control over it. She felt herself getting with the bumpies, she felt herself sink her fangs into Anya's neck – before the once-again-demon pushed her back. It terrified her. It terrified her, knowing that she was on the verge of killing but could do nothing about it. This was it, she realised. There was nothing she feared more in the world than becoming evil.

They were all trapped. Each of them encased in the bubble of their mind as their bodies ran rampant, fulfilling their worst fears while they just had to look on in horror, unable to change anything. Now, there was facing you fear and then there was _becoming _your fear. They were all pretty sure that this wasn't the best way to overcome your issues… What was happening?

Giles was Ripper. Tara had lost her powers. Buffy was a vampire. Faith was shaking with the need to plunge the knife she grasped into someone's flesh. Oz was quivering, fur tufting from his face and hands. Spike could bite. Anya felt no remorse. Xander could see no one, no one could see him. Dawn wasn't real. And Willow? She was still slumped, unconscious, on her bedroom floor in London.

**With all of them becoming their own greatest fear, how can they overcome what's happening? Worse, how can Kennedy keep the girls safe when The First comes a-knockin'? **

**See you soon…**


	20. Fear, Myself

**Fear, Myself**

**Everyone has become their own greatest fear and are trapped inside their own minds. The first has found their weaknesses, and is about to pounce. Also, I'm so sorry… terrible updater. I'll get back into a better rhythm soon, I swear. After exams.**

Giles was Ripper. Tara had lost her powers. Buffy was a vampire. Faith was shaking with the need to plunge the knife she grasped into someone's flesh. Oz was quivering, fur tufting from his face and hands. Spike could bite. Anya felt no remorse. Xander could see no one, no one could see him. Dawn wasn't real. And Willow? She was still slumped, unconscious, on her bedroom floor in London.

Slowly, Willow rose off the ground – quite literally. She was floating about two feet above the carpet as she pulled back into consciousness, her black eyes flying open. She slowly righted herself, black energy crackling around her as a self-righteous little smile spread across her lips. Oh yes. She really was home.

* * *

><p>The loss of control was overpowering. Spike could hardly believe that he felt this way. Here he was, inside his own mind, his soul aching as his fist connected with Buffy's – now bumpy – face over and over again. Yet he couldn't stop. Couldn't calm himself. Couldn't supress the aching, all-consuming blood-lust that coursed through him. There was something inside of him, blocking his good side, unleashing his demon. He had to sit and watch as his own body pummelled Buffy the Vampire.<p>

* * *

><p>Kennedy turned tail from the room, she couldn't stay and watch. Not as Buffy and Spike fought like savage animals, as Faith and Anya grappled with a knife, as Giles smoked, looking on with a look of glee, as Oz sat in the corner shaking with tufts of fur erupting all over his body, as Dawn became nothing but a flickering ball of energy. Kennedy couldn't watch. She just had to find out what was happening, put a stop to it before it was too late. But she couldn't do this alone. Who could she turn to for help? Unthinkingly, she picked up the phone, dialling the mansion where Willow and Tara were staying with the coven.<p>

"Hello?" A soft, London accent answered her.

"Alena, right?" Kennedy asked. "High priestess?"

"Yes, and I'd be right in thinking that you're the potential slayer, Kennedy?"

"Oh. Well, yeah." She paused. "Can I speak to Willow and Tara?"

"I'm afraid not," Alena said softly. "Something's happened… I'm trying to figure it out now, but Willow and Tara…"

"Are they okay?" Kennedy's heart was pounding. Not them too. It couldn't be. Willow and Tara couldn't be like the rest of them.

"Willow has, for want of a better word, regressed," Alena replied. "I've never experienced her dark side, but from what I can sense – without having actually interacted with her – it's quite formidable."

"She was afraid of losing control," Kennedy murmured, her mind ticking over everything she knew about what was happening.

"Tara… I can't sense her at all. It's almost like she's not here. I can't feel her energy at all, which is very odd. I can usually feel it, bright and warm. It's comforting. But now, it's gone…"

"Willow hasn't… I mean, she couldn't…"

"Oh Goddess, no." Alena replied. "No, I'd have felt it if Willow killed."

"Alena, you need to find them. Something similar's happening here… it's like… it's like…" she paused. Buffy, a vampire. Faith, a killer. Giles, Ripper. Anya, vengeful. Xander, invisible. Dawn, not real. Oz, a wolf. Spike, evil. Willow, lost control. Tara, no power. That was it, that's what was happening. They'd all become their worst fears, the thing they most feared happening to them was coming true. She relayed her thoughts to Alena, who quickly hung up the phone and ran to Willow and Tara's end of the house.

* * *

><p>Dawn felt warm. That was her first thought. She felt warm and comforted, the same way she felt during those long nights after Buffy's death when she'd go and curl up in Willow and Tara's bed, finding small comforts in their soft breathing and gentle words. But there was an emptiness back then. Now, she felt full… almost on the verge of exploding. The feeling was almost orgasmic, but at the same time quite terrifying. She didn't feel connected anymore… she was just floating, non-existent. Her body wasn't her own.<p>

This had happened before, Oz reminisced. It had happened in that frat-house on Halloween… except back then, he'd been able to convince his body not to change… he'd been able to hold off the inevitable… he'd had control. Now, it was like he was watching himself become something he hadn't been in almost a year… watching his body slide from his power.

Anya was scared. At least, she was pretty sure she was. There was a cold knot in her stomach and her palms were all clammy and she was breathing faster. That was fear, wasn't it? But as she used her fingernails on Faith's skin, clawing, gouging, feeling hot dribbles of blood, she felt nothing. In fact, it almost felt good. As Faith flinched with pain as Anya pinned her against a wall, Anya felt nothing. Nothing at all. Inside, she was screaming for her body to stop. But it didn't. It just kept inflicting.

They didn't own themselves anymore.

* * *

><p>The high priestess rounded the corner slowly, Willow's energy was stronger now. And darker. She peered in the doorway. Willow was sitting, cross-legged on the bed – her back facing the door, the contents of the room shredded and flying like confetti around the room – much to the amusement of the dark witch. Tara was crouched in the corner, her arms over her head and tears running down her cheeks.<p>

"I smell a witch," Willow said darkly, not turning around.

"Willow what's happening?" Alena asked quietly.

"Willow…" the dark witch tested out the name. "So young and pretty… she's no fun at all, except maybe to violate. The body's not bad." She turned, a devilish grin lighting her usually delicate features. "I prefer the term mistress."

"What are you?" Alena asked, her hands shaking as she took a step back. This girl wasn't Willow. Couldn't be Willow. Willow had gone evil out of grief… not even Dark Willow would have intentionally hurt or distressed Tara.

"Hmmm…." She mused, that horrifying grin still imposing on Willow's face. "That's a good question." She shrugged, levitating from the bed and landing on her feet mere inches from Alena. "Let's see… Willow invoked Gaia… you know her," not-Willow urged, "Earth Goddess, real nice. And stuttering-blondie over there in the corner said that Willow had to be prepared for Gaia to teach her a lesson. You reckon this is the lesson?" she taunted, her voice at an almost Glory-like level of gleeful insanity. "You reckon Gaia wanted to teach Willow a lesson this way? Make her confront the girl she doesn't want to be anymore?"

"Gaia wouldn't do that," Alena said firmly. "You're not Willow. That's not Tara. Gaia didn't do this… she couldn't."

Not-Willow sighed, rolling her eyes and tapping her foot. She really didn't care what this white witch was saying to her. The real Willow, trapped in the mind of Not-Willow, was screaming. She was screaming in pain as she watched Tara shudder and cry, as she watched herself destroy everything she'd worked so hard for. She screamed as she watched the dark magic take her over, as she lost all control of her own body.

"Willow," Alena said, "this isn't you, this isn't Gaia. Something's doing this to you, to your friends back in Sunnydale, to Tara…"

"Bored now," Not-Willow whispered devilishly, and just like before, in one single hand-motion, Alena lay dead on the floor.

Trapped in her own mind, the real Willow screamed with anger, grief and pain.

* * *

><p>The First was both everything and nothing. It lodged itself inside every soul, it was the all-consuming power driving the demonic beings. The First was all hatred, all evil, all pain, all suffering… it was the root of everything bad. Move over, Original Sin – this was The First's playground – and it was the biggest bully in school. More than anything, though, it was dangerous. The First not only WAS everything… it also KNEW everything… there was no one, man, woman or child, that The First hadn't infected. No one was safe… especially now that the Slayers and their little gang had displayed, like an open book, their greatest fears. Every single one of them wore their hearts on their sleeves… displaying every insecurity, worry and shortcoming for The First to prey on. And prey it did. Now, when they were at their most divided after a recent debacle with the Witches, The First took its chance. Those that posed any kind of real threat were trapped in their own minds, their bodies lost to gut-wrenching fears… Now, all that was left was a bunch of little girls. They'd be dead within the hour.<p>

**Reviews please... do you think Kennedy is strong enough as a person/character to lead the girls without the super-power safety net?**


	21. Fighting Stances

**Fighting Stances**

**Alena is dead at Willow's hands… and the rest of the scoobies are trapped inside their own minds, fallen prey to their very worst fears. Kennedy is their only hope. And she's pissed.**

Now, when they were at their most divided after a recent debacle with the Witches, The First took its chance. Those that posed any kind of real threat were trapped in their own minds, their bodies lost to gut-wrenching fears… Now, all that was left was a bunch of little girls. They'd be dead within the hour.

_Who am I?_ Kennedy thought to herself. _Let's see, I'm more important than Vi or Molly… I run training sessions. I teach these girls. I used to mean a lot to Willow. But I wasn't important enough to the running of this place for whatever spell that got the scoobies to get me too. Wait, did I seriously just think that? Did I seriously just wish I'd been put under a 'make-your-worst-nightmare-come-true spell? For God's sake. _No. She didn't wish she were under that spell. She just wished that someone, anyone – hell, she'd even take Tara – were free of the curse too. She wanted responsibility sure, but this was a whole lotta responsibility! She was the strongest fighter left standing. Still, hopefully there wouldn't be anything to fight and she could get this stupid spell reversed. Hopefully before the scoobies – who she'd surreptitiously locked into the kitchen – killed each other.

Okay. Books. She could do books. Well, she could read anyway, so it was a place to start.

* * *

><p>"My beautiful, little witch…" Dark Willow swayed her hips seductively as she walked toward Tara, her chest thrust forward and her eyes dark. "Oh wait," she uttered with a cruel laugh, "you're not a witch! Your power's all… <em>drained.<em>" She laughed darkly. "I wonder where it went?" quirking her eyebrow, her face was serious but her eyes glinted with punishing laughter. Why was she doing this? How could she be doing this to her Tara? But she kept going, her mind separate from her body as she taunted the sobbing girl in front of her. She kept going, despite the fact that she was screaming.

Tara was being punished. For what, she wasn't sure, but she felt it in every fibre of her being. Her nerves were on fire, roaring to feel the calm ebb of the Earth's power that so permanently flowed through her. But she couldn't do it, couldn't summon a single drop of power. She raised her eyes to Willow's horrifyingly black ones. If she couldn't fight with magic, could she perhaps reason with the girl?

"Willow," she whispered, "Willow you don't want to hurt me…"

"Really?" Willow asked, crouching to meet Tara's eye level, "'Cuz I coulda sworn that's _just _what I was planning on doing!" She raised a hand to Tara's whimpering mouth, slowly running her finger across those red, full lips. The motion was so intimate… in any other setting Tara would have felt comforted, loved, aroused… but now, it was bone-chilling. But looking into Willow's black eyes, she relaised something. That wasn't Willow. Well, it was, but not really… she may not have her energy-sensing powers, but she sure as hell _did _know her Willow, and even evil, Willow's eyes didn't look like that. Even evil, there was a life behind her gaze. Her Willow wasn't there. Which made Tara feel a lot better about the next thing she did. Jumping up, she caught Willow under the chin with her knee, before stomping hard on her rib-cage and hearing a snap.

You see, everyone else was trapped. Tara was not. She may have lost all of her power, but she still had full control over her every action.

* * *

><p>"Hello?" Tara whispered, grabbing the ringing phone. Willow was still leaning in the doorframe, watching in mild interest as she healed her own broken bones.<p>

"Tara?" Kennedy said, taken aback.

"Kennedy?"

"Tara, oh God! You're not all… succumb-y like the rest of them!"

"Huh?"

"There must have been a spell or a curse or a… something… because everyone's gone totally psycho! They're not themselves any more, it's like serious nightmare-dale over here and Willow's apparently gone all evil and oh God, Tara I don't understand magic, you have to help me reverse the spell!"

"Kennedy…" where would she even begin? How do you tell someone who is relying on you so completely that your power has vanished? "Kennedy," she began again, "I-I-I-I-I-I…" she took a deep breath and felt a pang deep in her stomach, "I-I c-can't." And she hung up the phone.

Who needed the bitch anyway? Kennedy put the phone back on the hook with shaking hands, her stomach doing backflips. She could do this, right? Tara wouldn't help her… but she didn't need the stupid witch. She'd be just fine on her own. People believed in her. Buffy did. So did Oz and Spike. And Willow used to… Kennedy, taking a steadying breath, walked through into the living room, where all the girls were crowded, conspiratorially discussing something. When their leader walked in, they all abruptly shut up, looking far too attentive for a bunch of teenagers.

"Look guys…" Kennedy began, but before she could continue a high, resounding scream pierced the air. Vi was crouched against the back wall, her hands over her pixie-like face as she sobbed.

"Leave me alone!" She howled. "Get off!" Her legs struck out as she tried to kick away whatever was tormenting her. Slowly, she raised her head, her red hair falling away from her eyes as she glared stonily at the air in front of her. "You're not him," she whispered. "He couldn't do this to me," and she stood and ran from the house, straight into the welcoming arms of the night.

"Violet!" Kennedy screamed, running after her… but catching an upset teenage girl was a task and a half… add uber-fit potential slayer and you're pretty much screwed. "Don't you _dare _move a muscle!" Kennedy growled at the remaining girls before grabbing her coat and running out into the night, in pursuit of entirely the _wrong _red head. She pulled her coat on as she ran, slowing as she struggled to get it on. It was too small… it… it wasn't hers. Oh God. She slowed to a standstill, pressing the black fabric to her face and inhaled a faint, sweet scent. A scent that was fading. A scent she'd never smell again… strawberries and spices. So very, very Willow. She let out an angry, tearful scream, stamping her foot and throwing Willow's coat to the ground and dropping to her knees. Who was she kidding? She couldn't break this spell, couldn't protect these girls from the first… hell, she couldn't even hold onto a girlfriend. She was useless. And because of that, another girl was going to die on her watch. She sunk down so that she was curled in a ball on the road, her knees on the tarmac and her face in Willow's coat. She let her tears flow. She let herself show how weak she was. How much one woman had hurt her. How desperately lonely she was. Kennedy was still wallowing in her pity-party when she was roused by the single most adrenaline-inducing sound in the entire world. A long, keening scream. That was enough. She stood, purposely tearing Willow's coat in half as she rose, and ran down the tarmac at a speed that would rival Faith's.

* * *

><p>She was a coward, a stupid, useless coward. Tara was sitting, back against the wall, under the phone table in the mansion in London. Alena was dead and spell-evil Willow was eyeing her with muted interest from the doorway. Tara had defined herself by her witchcraft for her entire life, and now it was gone. Just, gone. Cold turkey, no ease-out, nothing. Gone. No one should have to stop like… Oh Goddess. Oh Goddess. That's exactly what she'd done to Willow. She'd made her stop, just like that. And it was horrible. Bordering on physical pain.<p>

"Baby?" she whispered, calling out to Willow who was still watching her from the doorway.

"Who do you think I should kill next? The chef, or maybe you?"

"Willow I'm sorry for what I did to you."

"I'm thinking the chef. You're prettier, so it's nice having you around to look at."

"I shouldn't have asked you to quit… I had no idea how horrific it would be. I-I shouldn't have done that without thinking about the consequences."

"Though, you are _way_ chattier than him."

"Willow, please… this isn't you. It's some stupid spell, it's like this in Sunnydale too."

"Huh, Slayer all inebriated and stuff?"

"Willow!" Tara snapped, "I know you're still in there, please Willow. Be strong. You're the strongest, bravest, most amazing person I've ever known and you can beat this thing. You've got more power inside of you than anyone in the world, whatever's done this to you I know you can beat it, please, baby…"

"God…" she rolled her eyes, picking her nails. The real Willow, trapped inside, had lapped up every word. And she was trying. If only for Tara. It was all for Tara.

**Sorry that it's kinda rushed - I'm pressed for time and I broke my arm, so typing's a bitch. If updates get crappy, please don't get too mad :/ Tell me what you think? Reviews feed my (very sore!) muse!**


	22. Her

**Her**

**Sorry for the long break… but I'll get back into the swing ASAP. Kennedy has to find Vi, The First is plotting and can Tara snap Willow out of the curse without magic?**

Her scream. Her voice. Her sobs. It was Kennedy's fuel. Her arms and legs pumped like pistons, her feet hitting the tarmac so hard that she was sure she was close to breaking bone. But she didn't care. She had to get to Vi. After all, Kennedy was all that girl had in the way of protection now. Violet was her responsibility, and she wasn't going to let her get hurt. She slowed as she rounded the corner into the alley, seeing a flash of red, hearing another piercing scream. Kennedy grabbed the back of Vi's shirt, shoving her roughly against the wall and spinning to face her attacker. The vampire… oh God, _UBER-vampire _rounded on Kennedy, obviously pretty pissed that she'd stolen his dinner. Though, it seemingly very quickly decided that Kennedy would be just as delicious and launched itself at her. And there was that whole thing where she didn't have any weapons. Crap. It's heavy, ugly body landed on her, knocking her to the ground.

"Kennedy!" Vi squeaked, still shaking up against the wall.

Kennedy pushed hard against the vampire, reversing their positions. "Vi, I need something sharp. NOW." The vampire was arching upwards, it's yellowing fangs grazing her neck as she used every ounce of her strength to pin it to the ground. Vi scrambled around the back of the alley, reappearing with a long, thin strip of metal. Kennedy's muscles were on fire, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep her neck and the uber-vamp's fangs from getting friendly. She gave one more almighty push, and the uber-vamp toppled off of her. Kennedy stood quickly, snatching the metal from Vi's hand. Suddenly, she couldn't see the vamp any more… he was-

"_Son of a-" _Suddenly Kennedy was rushing, face-first toward the ground. Her neck may have been currently safe, but her face was about to become best friends with the tarmac. The instant she hit the ground, she felt her nose shatter and blood begin to pour, as well as her tooth going through her lip, but she quickly rolled over, ignoring the pain and taking the vamp by surprise. As it descended on her neck, she shoved the strip of metal upward. In its enthusiasm, it managed to sever its own neck on Kennedy's blade. The potential slayer stood shakily, dropping the metal and watching the blood drip from her hands. It had cut her palms deeply.

"Oh God," Vi murmured, staring at Kennedy's red palms. "Oh God, Kenn. I'm so sorry, Oh God, this is all my fault! Kennedy…"

"Save it, Violet," Kennedy snapped, indicating that the girl should follow her as she strode back down the alley and into the main street. She heard Vi's hiccupping sob and the patter of feet desperately trying to keep pace with her. Damn it. She softened slightly, slowing and turning back to face the little redhead. "It's not your fault, Vi. The First… it was trying to freak you out. It… Oh no. Oh no." Kennedy began to run.

"What?" Violet panted, barely keeping pace.

"It tried to freak you out, because it knew I'd run after you… it was trying to get me out of the house. The others, they're in danger…"

Vi squeaked again, staring at Kennedy's injuries. How could she possibly fight like that? Her hands were completely wrecked, her nose bleeding and swollen - the break giving her two puffy, black eyes. Her lips was split. She looked closer to death than most dead things.

* * *

><p>Her girl needed her.<p>

"Willow!" Tara snapped, "I know you're still in there, please Willow. Be strong. You're the strongest, bravest, most amazing person I've ever known and you can beat this thing. You've got more power inside of you than anyone in the world, whatever's done this to you I know you can beat it, please, baby…"

"God…" she rolled her eyes, picking her nails. The real Willow, trapped inside, had lapped up every word. And she was trying. If only for Tara. It was all for Tara.

Being trapped was terrifying. She'd done this stuff before, murdered, abused her magic… and she'd been conscious of it the whole time. She'd been the one in control, the whole time. But this time? This time, she just looked on it horror as some powerful entity controlled her every action. But Tara was right… she was strong. She was. She'd come back from this before… she could do it again. After all, Willow was the most powerful witch in the world! She was more feared than Buffy in most circles. She should have the control, the (tee-hee) _Will_-power to push past whatever the hell was doing this to her. It was HER body. She should have control over it.

Tara may not have magic, but she was still herself… she didn't need magic. Not really. That's the message she'd tried so hard to drum into Willow. She'd freaked when Willow couldn't go a day without doing a spell, but now she had more sympathy… But no point wishing for what you don't have. She didn't have her spells, but she still had her mind. And her voice. The voice that Willow had always loved so much… if she was going to connect to Willow, she knew what she had to do.

"_I lived my life in shadow, never the sun on my face,_" she sang softly. Willow's blackened eyes looked up, widening. "_It didn't seem so sad though, I figured that was my place._" Willow's head raised now, her mouth opening slightly._ "Now I'm bathed in light, something just isn't right._"

Yes, baby… yes, yes, yes! Willow thought to herself. Oh her Tara was clever…

"_I'm under your spell! How else could it be, anyone could notice me?"_

Willow drew strength from Tara's words, and as Willow's eyes began to lighten, Tara's voice began to strengthen. "_It's magic I can tell, how you've set me free, brought me out so easily… I'm under your spell,"_

Willow's body was shaking. Tara slowly moved closer. "_Nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you…" _

Willow shuddered again, the coldness of whatever force that was controlling her beginning to fade, her vision becoming clearer, her resolve stronger… she felt a tingle, remember the soul-connection that she shared with Tara, glancing down and seeing the shining, golden crescent-moon emblazoned on her wrist. The mark that connected her to her soul mate. "_You worked your charm so well, finally I knew…_" Willow was shaking violently now, her hair and eyes reverted to their natural colour as powerful pulses of dark energy wracked her body. Oh Tara… she thought. She tried to lift her arm, to touch her finger to the mark on her wrist, and her thoughts suddenly once again controlled her actions. "_Everything I dreamed was true, you make me complete!"_

And Willow fell to the ground, shaking with sobs as Tara's strong arms enveloped her. Her girl.

* * *

><p>Her kitchen was destroyed. But there's this little thing about not having a soul, Buffy didn't care. Well, the Buffy that was doing all the fighting-soulless stuff didn't care anyway. The Buffy trapped inside vamp-brain however, was <em>extremely <em>pissed. Faith and Oz were grappling on the bench, blood spattering around them as Faith's knife nicked the werewolf. Anya was sitting cross-legged in front of the glowy-green energy ball that was Dawn, exacting Vengeance for her. Buffy felt her hair begin to fall off, as if invisible scissors were cutting it (badly).

"Anya!" She growled. "Stop letting dawn vengeance me!"

"You don't 'vengeance' someone Buffy, you exact revenge." Anya rolled her eyes. Buffy jumped forward, sinking her fangs into Anya's neck. Anya rolled her eyes again, shoving Buffy. "I'm a demon, you dumb vampire. Vampires don't bite demons. Go bite a human."

"Whatever," Buffy grumbled, spitting out Anya's blood on the glowy-green Dawn, who pulsated in an extra-angry way. Xander walked up behind Buffy, staring down the front of her top. What? She couldn't see him anyway. Giles shoved Spike hard in the chest.

"Whatcha gonna do, Watcher?" Spike taunted. "You really gonna take me on?"

"I'll do whatever I bloody want!" He shoved the peroxided vampire again. "And I'm no bloody watcher, I'm _Ripper _thank you very much."

"You still got a slayer," Spike pointed out.

"Yeah, but look at her… she's got bloody fangs. She's dead."

And the fighting just didn't stop. Blood. Smashed dishes. Wrecked walls. Their bodies were tearing the room apart.

* * *

><p>Her eyes were so swollen she could barely see, but Kennedy pressed her face against the glass of the window, watching her potentials talk. Hoping they remembered the plan she'd discussed with them when Willow and Tara first left.<p>

Her potentials were sitting cross-legged on the floor in silence, pretending to not be listening to the chaos in the kitchen. Chloe looked near tears, and she put her head in her hands. Molly reached out, giving her a comforting pat on the back.

"This is so messed up," the girl whispered sadly. "And the worst part is, no one will tell us what's happening!"

"We know what's happening," Amanda countered, "Buffy and Faith tell us everything."

"Yeah, because Willow and Tara are on vacation in England," Rona rolled her eyes.

"W-well, aren't they?" Amanda asked innocently.

Rona stared at her. "Sure they are. That's why a couple of weeks ago, everyone raced off to LA after Willow, Tara was all crazy up in the bedroom and they shipped us to Xander's. That's why when we got back, the house was blown to smithereens and Willow and Tara were gone. Yes, Amanda, they went on _vacation_." Rona rolled her eyes again. "C'mon, Amanda. Wake up! They're not telling us what's really going on, all because they don't think we can handle the truth."

"Kennedy knows," Chloe said quietly. "Kennedy knows everything that happens around here."

"She has more training than the rest of us," Molly replied. "She fights nearly as well as Buffy and Faith. They leave her in charge because she can protect us."

"Great job she's doing at that," Rona muttered, "in case you haven't noticed, she and Vi have been gone nearly an hour – leaving us alone in the house with the crazy, enchanted Scooby gang. Vi's probably already dead."

"She's not!" Amanda cried.

"Kennedy's left us here, alone, unprepared… no one to fight," Rona murmured.

"Kennedy will keep Vi safe."

"Like she's keeping you safe?" Buffy appeared on the threshold of the living room. Her clothes were dark and simplistic… they'd never seen her look so neat. "Look at you, all alone, sitting here… scared, little sitting ducks." A slow smile spread across her face. "How about some training girls?"

"Uh, B-Buffy, are you okay?" Chloe whispered.

"Never better," she replied with a soft smile. "Now, for this training, I think-"

"You'll leave the girls alone," Kennedy's low voice sounded from the doorway.

"Oh snap," Buffy said, feigning upset, "the big-bad-potential is here. I'd better run and hide." She ran across the room, her incorporeal form gliding through the girls. "Oh, wait…" she laughed, "you can't hurt me." She put her arms out, spinning around the room, gliding through the potentials and the furniture. "But I can hurt them." And a hoard of Bringers began bashing at the doors and windows. The girls all jumped to their feet, taking fighting stances.

"You underestimate how smart I am," Kennedy's bleeding lip hooked up into a pained smile. "Ready girls?"

"You're always looking out for us, Kenn," Rona grinned, drawing the knife from inside her jacket. "_Kennedy's left us here, alone, unprepared… no one to fight_," Rona mocked her own words.

"You know, for a big almighty evil," Kennedy said, back-handedly putting a knife through the chest of one of the Bringers, "you really are gullible. You think I'd just leave them without a plan?" The rest of the girls drew their weapons too, and as the windows fell in around them and the Bringers tumbled through, they were more ready for the fight than they ever had been before. Kennedy was ready now, she knew it. She was a worthwhile part of this whole operation. She was ready for the fight. HER fight.

**Sorry for the long wait - hope it was worth it! What do you think? Reviews please :)**


	23. First Wanting

**First Wanting**

**What has The First done to everyone? Who has the power to stop it?**

"Oh Willow," Tara breathed, desperately inhaling the scent of her soulmate's hair.

"Y-you found me," Willow breathed, stroking Tara's cheeks, "Taratarataratarataratara…" She couldn't stop saying the girls name, touching her skin…it was as if stopping would mean it wasn't true, that it didn't happen. It was as if stopping meant she was still trapped inside her body, once again a murderer. She let her gaze wander to her hands. How many lives on them now? Three… now four. Oh Goddess. One of them her lover, now kneeling in front of her, tears sparkling in sapphire eyes.

"Always, my l-love," Tara whispered. She knew she shouldn't be doing this… shouldn't be placing kisses on her hands, her cheeks…shouldn't be proclaiming her love. Not now, not when they were supposed to be NOT 'just skipping it'. But she couldn't help it. In all her life, Tara had never felt so relieved to have Willow in her arms. She took a deep breath.

"Willow, we aren't the only ones affected by…whatever the hell is happening."

"It's everyone?" Willow breathed. Tara nodded the affirmative. "What about you, your powers?"

"Touch me, Willow," Tara knelt up in front of Willow.

"Uh, I don't think this is really the right time…"

Tara blushed. "No, not like that. Just… just take my hand, okay?"

Willow reached out, lacing her shaking fingers with Tara, jolting when she didn't feel the familiar rush of magical energy pass between them. But Tara could feel Willow's, twice as strong as normal.

"I thought so," she murmured.

"You thought what?"

"You, uh, you kinda drained my power sweetie."

"Oh!" Willow cried, looking apologetic. "You can totally have it back."

Tara just smiled, closing her eyes and linking her hands with Willow's. She felt the comfortable tingle of non-supernatural electricity that always accompanied their touches, but that slowly became more, building and building until the electricity exploded, shuddering through their bodies in great waves of magical energy. This had happened only once before, this massive transfer of power… it was the night they first slept together, right after they did the spell which found Faith in Buffy's body. The spell had been immensely powerful, and in astrally projecting herself, Willow needed to borrow some of Tara's power during the ritual. The magic between them had built, and built, and built, until it rocketed through both of them, sending Willow into a back-arching, mouth-rounding orgasm, Tara quickly following with bitten down cries and shudders. This time though, they were ready for the feeling, and as the magic translated to pure physical release, they twined their hands so tightly they couldn't possibly let go.

* * *

><p>If The First had teeth, it would have been hissing through them. This was not how it was supposed to go down… playing mind games with the witch and her lover, tormenting the slayer and her group, it had all been going according to plan until that damned Potential came along. It's not like The First had <em>planned <em>for any of the 'scoobies' or even the witches to die in this process, in fact it had INTENTIONALLY _not _targeted the blonde witch just to make sure that none of the powerful players in the piece died – with the blonde witch still in control of herself, she'd be able to put to rights everything that was happening. It didn't want the 'scoobies' dead. It just wanted to wipe out a few of those damn Potentials – mass murder without the Slayers interrupting. Until Kennedy – if The First could shudder, it would be right now – played it. Tricked it. The First was everywhere, always… yet that stupid little girl had pulled one over on it. She, obviously, had to die.

* * *

><p>Kennedy's knife was slick with sweat from her palm and blood from the Bringers. She saw one of the nasty, hooded figures throw it's knife with brilliant precision (you know, for an eyeless guy) straight toward Rona's back. In one fluid motion Kennedy caught the blade, and backhanded her own knife into the Bringer's abdomen, throwing the newly acquired dagger into Vi's waiting hands. With a swift kick to the back of the knees, Kennedy dropped another Bringer to the ground, hearing the satisfying snap as she used her own booted feet to snap its neck. Rona used Molly's back to lever herself over the back of the couch, simultaneously impaling two Bringers both headed for Kennedy, before ducking and allowing Kennedy's blade to sluice through the neck of a third. There were nearly two dozen dead Bringers sprawled on the floor now, the carpet no longer white but a blotchy red. Kennedy felt a horrible pang in her belly, realising that if she hadn't thought things through, the ground would be red with the blood of the other girls, and probably her too. The First definitely got smart points for this attack… incapacitate the best and most experienced… those who had actual super powers and leave a bunch of girls completely threatened and vulnerable, ready to slaughter. Shame it didn't realise that Kennedy was almost as dangerous a fighter than any one of the people trapped in the kitchen. With her knee in a Bringer's back, she used one hand to slam her knife through its heart and the other to snatch its dagger, then, as it dropped to the floor, she shoved both blades out behind her, seamlessly gutting two more. Amanda squeaked, pointing a shaking finger at the smashed window, where the influx of Bringers had slowly stopped. Everyone in the room froze, Kennedy shoving a knife disinterestedly into the throat of the last standing bringer. Outside the window, stood over a dozen uber-vamps.<p>

"Oh shit."

* * *

><p>"Will, we have to help them," Tara stood quickly, rushing to grab magic supplies, but she paused when Willow didn't move from her spot on the floor. "Come on, Willow," she urged tenderly.<p>

"Nu-uh. Tara, _you _have to help them. Not me. I…"

"Don't feel ready for the big mojo?" Tara's voice was gentle, understanding, as she read the babble-fest of thoughts bombarding the redhead.

Willow shook her head. "I… I lost control. Again. Tara, why can't I do this? God, I killed someone… I _killed _someone! Tara…"  
>"Shh, baby," Tara dropped to her knees again, cradling Willow's shuddering form. "That wasn't you, Will, it wasn't… it was The First. Big, meany First."<p>

"It still has me, Tara." Willow pressed her lips to Tara's skin, against the rip in her shirt. "The magic, it's still got its hold on me. I thought I dealt with it last Summer, I thought I was dealing now… but feeling that, the dark power that The First gave me," she looked up at Tara with tear-shined eyes, shutting her mouth. She couldn't relay this in words. _I want more._

_**Okey dokey, reviews pretty pretty pretty please! Should do updates every 3-4 days :)**_


	24. On Her Own

**On Her Own**

**Tara comes back to Sunnydale – but is she too late?**

"Oh shit." Kennedy's palms were sweating as she looked on at the vampires drawing up to the house. She took a step forward, placing herself as a shield between the already smashed window and the exhausted potential slayers.

"Uh Kennedy, I know you got big with the planning…" Rona began, "but uh…"

"The uber-vamps are kinda…"

"Strong…"

"A-a-and Buffy's the only one that's ever killed one…"

"Girls _shut up!_" Kennedy shouted, rushing forward and shoving the couch hard up against the smashed window, blocking it.

"Yeah, 'cause that's gonna keep the uber-vamps out," Rona rolled her eyes.

"Rona, if you're just gonna stand there and criticize me, you can go outside and play with the uber-vamps. If you're looking to live, you'll get in line."

"You really are just like Buffy," Rona hissed, "and you know how many times _her _plans have worked out."

"Rona for God's sake, shut it!" Kennedy yelled, already rushing to block up the door and passing out more weapons to the other girls. "Buffy has saved your ass more times than you can count, if you're gonna complain, or say that she isn't a good leader, I have _no _qualms about throwing you to the uber-vamps as bait."

That shut her up.

* * *

><p>Dawn had never been so pissed off. Anya had gotten bored with exacting vengeance for her, and was now placing bets with Spike and Giles. Anya had 200 bucks placed on Faith winning the all-out battle between her and Oz.<p>

"You're bleedin' dreaming, Vengeance," Spike scoffed. "C'mon, wolf-boy is paws up claws out… Rogue Slayer's fading fast."

Dawn's green glow-y-ness kept pulsing as she got more and more angry. Why was no one looking at her? Buffy came over to her, sinking her fangs into the glowy green that was Dawn. GOD, didn't Buffy know anything? You can't bite light. Dawn was pretty sure she didn't even _have _blood. Buffy growled gutturally, looking up at the wolf vs. slayer fight unfolding before her.

"Jeeze, should have just set Oz on Faith the first time I realised I wanted her dead." Buffy shook her fangy head. No one wanted her to bite them. This sucked.

* * *

><p>"Willow please, I don't want to do this alone," Tara crouched in front of her love, taking her hands, "they need our help."<p>

"No," Willow said softly. "No, no. I'm done. They need _your _help Tara, not mine."  
>"Willow I need you… I-I <em>can't<em> do it alone."

"Tara, baby you _can_," Willow urged, pressing her lips to their clasped hands. "You have more power tha nyou know, my love. I don't trust myself to do what has to be done, not safely, not yet… not after everything I've done." And how could she? Less than two hours ago she'd killed, again! The First had gotten inside her so quickly, so easily, it had taken her over so completely… how could she trust she wouldn't let it harness her powers like that again? That she wouldn't just end up hurting her friends more? She thought she'd gotten abck the control, but there were still big powers, of the dark kind, bubbling just below the surface. She could still feel the energy of it pulsing in her hands, in her chest. "Please baby, just… help the others, I know you can. I'm sure of it."

"I love you," Tara whispered, before placing a chaste kiss on Willow's head and running outside, giving the redhead a lingering glance.

Once outside, Tara finally let the tears dribble down her cheeks. How? Not again. No way. She thought Willow was doing so well, thought she was really getting it under control… but all it took was one (albeit massive) set back – one that wasn't even her fault – to scare the bejeezus out of her. Though Willow hadn't verbalised it, Tara had heard, amongst the chaos and babbling in Willow's mind, that the girl was utterly terrified. Scared of herself. The way Tara had been when she thought she was a demon. Willow was drowning. Drowning in fear of her own power, a power she realised that she didn't yet have full control over. Willow was her everything… and the emotional pain that Willow felt manifested in Tara as a deep, physical ache. It made her want to just run, take Willow… disappear together to Tibet or Haiti or the bottom of the ocean. Anywhere where they could just _be_. Be with each other. Be safe. Not need magic or spells or anything else. Just each other. It would be enough. But she couldn't. There were too many people relying on her. For all she knew, the Potentials were all already dead. That, after all, seemed to be the whole point of The First's big 'incapacitate the Scoobies' run. She needed to get to Sunnydale, and as soon as possible.

"Sierra," Tara grabbed a passing witch by the arm.

"Oh God," Sierra faced Tara's exhausted, scared gaze, "Tara, what's happening?"

"The First, it's getting bad… I need to get to Sunnydale now."

"Willow?"

"She's not coming."

And Sierra couldn't help but feel glad. Willow had power, great amounts. She was an incredible witch. But Tara had a power too… and she would only discover it if she broke away from Willow's magic. Tara had power like no one she'd ever met. It was blinding, beautiful. Willow saw it. Tara's mother had seen it. Sierra and Alena had seen it… yet Tara never though highly enough of herself to allow herself to know the power inside of her. This would be her one and only chance. "You need a teleportation spell?"

"A powerful one."

Sierra was a high priestess at a coven in Scotland, with over 100 of Britain's most powerful witches under her guidance. She'd come to London to help with Willow's rehabilitation.

"Take my hands," Sierra commanded. She tried to hide the shake in her hands, if only to stop Tara from feeling her fear.

Tara slowly reached out, pretending not to notice the doubt and fear in the Priestesses eyes.

_I'm so sorry baby, _Tara heard, a familiar and comforting echo in her head.

_I'll be fine_, she replied softly. _I love you. _ She took Sierra's hands and felt the familiar warm tingle of magic flooding through her. She merged her energy with Sierra's channelling it deep into the Earth below them, letting it spread and encompass all the Earth's power. Almost instantly there was a sharp tug in a deep spot somewhere behind her navel. And suddenly she was standing in the road in the middle of Revello drive.

* * *

><p>Kennedy was the kind of girl who would never, under any circumstances, admit that she was scared. But right now, she was scared shitless.<p>

"Stupid ancient vampires," she screeched, "why can't you need an invite like the rest of 'em!?" With the help of the other girls, she'd barricaded the window and the door, but it wasn't holding up very well. She could already hear the subtle crack of splintering wood coming from the doorframe. Her palms were so sweaty her blade kept slipping from her grasp. She was the only thing left for these girls now, and they were going to die. All of them. And she could do nothing. The uber-vamps were too strong… she'd only just come out on the better side of the fight with the uber-vamp in the alley, and even then it was her and Vi against one small-ish vamp. From what she'd seen before the barricades went up, there were nearly fifty vamps out there. The odds were _not _good.

"K-K-Kennedy?"

"Yeah Amanda?" Kennedy replied softly, her heart aching for the little girl quaking with fear behind her.

"I h-have just one question."

"What's that?"

"I-I thought we c-closed the seal. How are there this many?"

"Someone opened the seal again," Kennedy said bitterly.

Amanda gave a brief nod, her lips trembling.

Another ominous crack sounded through the house.

"Brave yourselves girls," Kennedy called, then more softly, "I'm sorry."

Nearly a dozen vamps spilled through the door like a tidal wave, spilling over each other, backlit by the moonlight. Their guttural snarls were nearly as ominous as their yellowing fangs. Kennedy swiped her blade down, pushing it through a vamp's neck, but she only got it half way through. The vamp, angry but still very much alive jumped at her, pinning her to the ground, fangs moving for her jugular.

Another crack echoed around the house. Amanda looked up, eyes wide, expecting to see the window barricades having caved too, but there was nothing.

Kennedy pushed with all her might against the vamp on her chest, but it weighed more than twice what she did. Still she pushed. Her muscles felt like they were on fire with the effort of stopping her neck getting friendly with the uber's fangs. Suddenly, its head rolled, turning to dust and Kennedy flattened out on the ground. She gazed up, searching for her saviour, but couldn't see anyone. She didn't waste any time, springing to her feet and spinning round in a swift aerial kick and dropping the uber springing for Rona. She lunged at it, throwing all of her weight into thrusting her blade through its neck, and this time succeeded, decapitating it and inhaling a lungful of its dust. She instantly fell into a coughing fit, and the brief distraction proved enough for another uber to tackle her from behind. But within seconds it turned to dust, and she felt a hand pull her up by the neck of her shirt. Faith cocked an eyebrow, brushing the dust from Kennedy.

"You're kinda cute," she shrugged. "Might wanna keep ya around."

"Kennedy!" Vi's high pitched scream made Kennedy spin around, just in time to find herself bowled to the ground by a very large, very furry werewolf. Who instantly sank his fangs deeply into her shoulder. She kicked Oz hard in the belly, shoving him off her and trying to brush the tears from her eyes as she realised what had just happened. She didn't have time to cry now. Looks like the First-addled Scoobies managed to escape the kitchen. Maybe they'd be helpful. Kinda.

"Now _this _is a fight!" Spike crowed, using his bare hands to snap the necks of two ubers simultaneously.

"Oh yes," Anya added. "The little girls are irritating and have limited muscle development. They're no fun to fight. But these ones are." She literally shoved her fist through an uber's chest, ripping it's heart out and watching him fall to dust.

"Friggin' hell, I can't bite these either!" Buffy shoved an uber to the ground, breaking its neck with her foot. Her gaze fell on Anna, one of the Potentials, who was lying on the ground and bleeding severely.

"Buffy no!" Kennedy yelled, "Buffy no you don't really want to bite her!" Kennedy rushed forward, but it was a split second too late. "No!" Buffy sank her fangs into Anna's neck.

"You're not killers," came a soft voice from the doorway. "None of you."

"Piss off, uber-dyke," Faith hissed, "you're only gonna get bit."

"I can't do that, Faith," Tara replied, her voice still calm and level, despite the massive fight unfolding mere feet from her. She was hiding her fear well. Her heart was pounding a tattoo into her chest and she felt like throwing up. There were three dead bodies already that she could see and Kennedy's shoulder was torn open to the bone. But she came here for a reason… and she was going to help. She could, couldn't she?

_Of course you can_, Willow's whispered voice resounded in her head, and every other sound in the room faded away. Tara's heart swelled. She wasn't on her own. She never was. He baby was always with her. It was as if the chaos before her decelerated to slow motion. A calm sense of clarity flowed over Tara, and in an instant, every fibre of her being sizzled with the energy of The Earth, flowing through her as if they were one being as Willow's gentle words stilled her pounding blood. She felt more power than she'd ever experienced in her life well up into her body, more than when she'd harnessed the black magic, more than when she'd cast with the priestesses in London, in fact the only time she'd ever before felt this was when she cast with her mother. This kind of power would radiate off of her , and Tara would watch in awe. Now she felt it in herself… she wasn't just channelling the energy of the Earth. She _was _the energy of the Earth.

**I'm a horrible person, lol. I wrote this update then didn't upload it. I'm so sorry. Another update tomorrow. Reviews and stuff are awesome :)**


	25. Existential

**Existential**

**Deviation in style for this chapter, we start with a little flashback. Then our favourite witch kicks some ass.**

We all have those little moments in our lives, the tiny instances that make us question our fundamental existentiality. Little moments that make you wonder if you actually have a purpose on the Earth, if there's any real reason for you to exist at all. If you find that reason, you start to wonder _why _that particular thing is your purpose. You wonder if you were ever meant to be on the planet in the first place. By the time she was twenty-two, Tara Maclay had experienced more of those moments than anyone else. The first of them came to her at a very young age, the morning of her sixth birthday. She awoke to the yummy smell of pancakes and her mother's clear, lyrical voice floating through the hallways as she hummed 'You Are My Sunshine'. Tara had lain in her bed for a few minutes, just enjoying the springtime warmth and the comfort she felt at knowing her mother was just down the hallway, making her birthday breakfast. After all, turning six was a pretty big deal. She'd waited a whole year for this birthday.

"Tara!" Her mother called in a singsong voice. "Are you up yet?"

"I'm c-coming mama!" Tara replied, hurriedly swinging out of bed. She padded to her door, but the handle wouldn't budge. She frowned, rattling it harder. A piece of paper slid through the crack, and she picked it up, reading it slowly. _Suck it, loser! You said you wanted craft stuff for you birthday, well I got you some Krazy Glue!_ Tara balled the note up in her fist, feeling it turn to ashes as angry tears stung her eyes. Big brothers were supposed to be nice and protect you and play games. Donny was never like that. He was the kind of brother that let her kitten out at night, to watch an owl swoop down and take it away. The _mean _kind of brother that Krazy Glued her door handle so it wouldn't turn. And her father never did anything to stop Donny. Not even when he hurt Tara. And he did that a lot. There were still bruises on her inner thighs from the last time Donny had hurt her.

"Tara?" Her mother called again, voice worried. Tara's throat was so full of tears that no words would come out, just a strangled, pathetic little yelp. But she hated it when mama saw her sad, or when she saw the things Donny did to her. She didn't like it when mama got that faraway look in her eyes, that look that made it seem like she was guilty that Tara was ever born. Tara quickly pressed her hand against the door handle, connecting herself the fuzzy warm energy around her. It was getting easier to do that every day. It felt wonderful. Knowing that all the power of the Earth was yours. She let the warm-fuzzies flow through her and out her fingertips. She felt the glue melting. Tara pulled her hand away, all sticky, and wiped it on her pajama bottoms before gingerly opening the door. Just as her father was walking down the hall. He smiled at her, picking up her small frame and scooting her onto his hip. She hung her head forward, immediately hiding behind her shield of pretty blonde hair.

"It's your birthday Tara," he said plainly, "shouldn't you be smiling?"

"Y-y-yes s-s-s-s-sir," Tara blushed, pushing her face into a forced smile.

"That's better. Can't have a girl not smiling now," he placed her down onto her feet. "But honestly, Tara do you have to keep up with that stupid stutter? You're six years old for God's sake." He roughly clipped her over the back of her head with his hand, making her wince. "It's time to grow up."

Why had she wanted to be six again? She wondered forlornly, gazing at the ground. Sometimes, on mornings like these, she wondered why she wanted to exist at all.

"Derek," her mother's voice made her look up hopefully, "leave her alone, it's her birthday for goodness sake."

"Are you telling me what to do?" Her father's voice dropped an octave. It was that low growl that made Tara think of a bear, or the monster under her bed.

"I'm telling you how to be a decent person," her mother hissed, standing taller and looking her father in the eyes. Tara shrunk back, pressing herself against the wall and letting her hair fall in front of her face. If she tried hard enough, maybe she'd become invisible.

"I _am _a decent person, Trisha!" He retorted, advancing on her, though she didn't back down. "I've given you a beautiful house, a steady income, a wonderful son and the daughter you wanted so badly! You don't have to do anything but keep house, Trisha. You should be grateful."

"You bastard," she intoned malevolently, "you don't think I work hard? You don't think I live with the shadow of the things you say to me, to Tara, hanging over my head?"

"I know what you are, Trisha!" He yelled, "and don't you _dare _forget it! Without me you'd be nothing but a filthy demon."

Tara's eyes widened beneath the curtain of her bangs. A demon? What?

Her father pulled his hand back, then snapped in forward, slapping her mother's cheek with a horrific crack. Tara squeaked, pressing herself further against the wall. Did they all hate her? Was there anyone in this house who truly loved Tara? Her father hit her, hit her mother. Donny hurt her in places she didn't know could hurt. Was this what turning six was? Realising that everything you thought wasn't so bad, actually was? Was turning six realising that the in the world, such a scary place, you couldn't for the life of you figure out where you fit into it? Her mother's eyes filled with tears and her cheek was bright red, but still she raised her head, pinning her husband with a menacing gaze,

"Derek I have let you slap me around for the last twelve years of my life, but don't you _dare EVER _hit me again in front of Tara."

Her mother grabbed her coat and stormed out of the house, hiding her tears behind long blonde hair. Her father tightened his lips, turning and heading back to his study, fuming with anger. And Tara sank to the ground in the hall, quivering with fear, as the smell of burning pancakes permeated every corner of the house.

* * *

><p>But at the age of 22, Tara Maclay finally stopped questioning why she existed. Why? Because in one single moment, she realised that she was important. That she really <em>could <em>do it.

_Of course you can_, Willow's whispered voice resounded in her head, and every other sound in the room faded away. Tara's heart swelled. She wasn't on her own. She never was. He baby was always with her. It was as if the chaos before her decelerated to slow motion. A calm sense of clarity flowed over Tara, and in an instant, every fibre of her being sizzled with the energy of The Earth, flowing through her as if they were one being as Willow's gentle words stilled her pounding blood. She felt more power than she'd ever experienced in her life well up into her body, more than when she'd harnessed the black magic, more than when she'd cast with the priestesses in London, in fact the only time she'd ever before felt this was when she cast with her mother. This kind of power would radiate off of her , and Tara would watch in awe. Now she felt it in herself… she wasn't just channelling the energy of the Earth. She _was _the energy of the Earth.

The magic swelled within her, and moments later burst from her fingertips, filling the room with faux-sunlight. Many of the girls, who hadn't seen Tara's arrival, screamed. All of the vampires, uber or just First-addled friends, began to smoke. Tara let the sunlight fade.

"Kennedy!" she yelled, "get the girls out, get them somewhere safe."

"But Tara…"

"K-k-k-Kennedy, just do what I say!" The authoritarian voice was still kinda new. She dropped her tone slightly, trying to be more gentle with Kennedy… after all, she really was just a girl. A scared, young girl. "Kennedy, you're the only one strong enough to protect them. Please."

The Latina girl gave a brief nod, before slamming a stake deeply into an uber's chest and running for the door.

* * *

><p>Willow lay curled and shuddering on the bedroom floor. Oh good lord, what was happening? How had The First done this to them? Was it really that easy for it to completely incapacitate every member of the Scooby Gang? To leave them in such a state that they turned on each other? Kinda hellish high school nightmare trip meets Spike's stint at implementing the 'Yoko Factor'. But she was all alone. In the massive mansion. No Tara. No coven…no Alena. No Alena. No Alena, because Willow had killed her. Willow's body had taken yet another life, while her mind sat and screamed in its First-induced prison. And now Tara was in Sunnydale, fighting for her friend's lives… while Willow lay here and did absolutely nothing to help her. What use was Willow? The magic junkie. The mind-raper. The evil-fucking-mega-witch. The witch who was so hooked on the dark powers that the little taste that The First offered her, had left her a shuddering mess, aching for just a little more of that delicious energy. She thought she'd gotten further. She thought she'd moved beyond this…to a point where Tara could trust her again, and they could be happy. Was it really less than a month ago that Tara came back? Already so much had changed. Things had gone from beautifully, blissfully happy, to crushingly painful, to the point where Willow had begged for death…things had picked up, for a while, she'd even thought that she could truly rebuild a relationship with Tara…then one little trick from The First and Willow was back, flat on her ass at square one.<p>

_Sweetie, if it takes ten squares or fifty squares or a hundred squares, heck a bajillion squares, to get to where you're okay… I'll be there. The whole way. _Tara's voice was warm and comforting inside her aching head…and Willow realised something. Tara was as much her drug as magic was… except Tara was the drug that eased the ache of her withdrawals, to the point where Willow knew, with stunning, crystal-like clarity, that Tara was the only thing that could ever truly bring her, safe and sound, to the square number bajillion and one.

* * *

><p>Buffy looked weird in vamp-face. That was Tara's first though before stars burst in front of her eyes and her skull slammed into the ground. Oz gave a triumphant howl, ripping off an uber's head in celebration. Tara sat up groggily, trying to regain her bearings before righting herself. She dropped un uber-vamp with a fireball, then ducked the advances of another… the Scoobies were simply fighting each other again. Apparently Tara was a lost cause, and Buffy obviously found it more interesting to try and sink her new fangs into a glow-y green thing that could only be Dawnie. <em>Why am I doing this? <em>Buffy screamed in her head. _What is wrong with me? Shouldn't I be strong enough to stop doing this? _But still her fangs were bared, still blood dripped from her mouth. _I'm the Slayer…strongest, fastest – hello, hot chick with superpowers here! – yet nada! If there's one thing I should be able to fight, it's my own body… It's mine. And I should have control over it. Not some stupid First thingy. And poor Tara…_she thought, a menacing growl ripping from her throat and making the witch's blue eyes widen in…fear. God. She so hated seeing Tara look that afraid of her. _Poor Tara fighting a battle that I should be fighting. And poor Tara for whatever had happened to Willow…and-_

"Why not me?" Tara screamed in annoyance. "Why didn't you make me succumb to my prickly little fears too, huh?"

"Why, little lady, I woulda thought that woulda been pretty darn obvious. Guess they just don't breen 'em smart like they used 'ta." The slow, near-jovial southern drawl was possibly the most terrifying thing Tara had ever heard. "Hi pretty girl. The name's Caleb."

**Uh… uh oh? Reviews please please please! Especially about the flashback at the beginning… that'll have big-time significance later 3**


	26. Pretty Girl

**Pretty Girl**

**Caleb. He's creepy, huh? Well, he's also in Sunnydale. And Tara is the only Scooby in town who isn't trapped in their own mind, fallen prey to The First's spell. But first, another little Tara flashback. She's ten or so. (Quick warning for child-abuse implications and situations).**

Father always stood like that. Towering above her, so much taller than she was. It was like he had all of the power in the world… even though he looked so relaxed. When he stood like that, she knew he was going to hit her.

She crumpled against the wall for the fourth time this week, sniffing back the blood welling in her nose, fighting back the urge to wipe it away with her hand. It's just, if she stayed still enough, she might blend so perfectly into the wall that he would be able to walk past her without seeing the way she quivered. She squeezed her eyes shut. _It's like playing statues, just like playing statues…you gotta hold still till the music starts again. _

"God I hate it when you cry like that." The southerner-drawl of her brother's voice made her belly knot. "You look gross."

Tara grudgingly opened her eyes, looking up at older brother and blinking him into focus. He stood like her father did. All-power, no-effort. His eyes had the same cold, uncaring, deadness to them as well. He reached out a hand to her and she flinched. What now? She couldn't take much more.

"Get up turd, I was tryin' to help you."

She frowned, taking his hand warily. He pulled her up. At sixteen, he was now as strong and tall as her father. She was quite sure she was more scared of him now than she had been when she was younger. In a second swift movement, he shoved her back hard against the wall, his arms pinning hers at her sides. She struggled against him, feeling the horribly familiar feeling of dread spread over her, making her entire body tense and freeze. She shoved her knee into his crotch, but he dodged her blow, chuckling lightly.

"None of that," he smirked. "You're ten years old Tara. Do you really think you're stronger, faster or smarter than me?"

"I'm s-s-smarter," she spat angrily. His hand pulled back and slapped her hard across the face. She felt the print welling on her cheek instantly, and her nose began to bleed again. Roughly, Donny shoved a thigh between her legs, pressing hard up into her crotch. She squirmed away from his touch, wriggling in his grip. But as always, he was stronger. Stronger arms and stronger legs…harsh fingers that raised bruises and left blood in their wake. His hands tightened around her and he hissed against her neck, raising a hand and tugging her hair, making her whimper in pain. Donny grunted, grinding against her writhing form. She felt the inevitable tears begin tracking down her cheeks as she splayed her palms against the wall…maybe she could still sink into it and never have to come back. Never again have to remember how disgusting she was. She was already numb all over. Forgetting might be nice. Then she'd really have nothing left. She whimpered again, bracing for the inevitable pain of Donny's next move. Nothing left. Nothing at all. Not now, with her feet not quite touching the ground, with her body pinned under a weight twice her own. He'd taken everything from her…Her father, Donny…they'd left her with nothing. Except.

She screamed. One long, high, keening note. And with it came the most powerful thing she'd ever felt. The magic coursed through her like fire and built so strongly she thought she'd explode. And explode she did. A massive burst of light and energy sprayed from her body, Donny flew backward, hitting the opposite wall, a murderous look in his eyes. Tara shuddered, sinking to the floor, her body quaking with the sobs welling deep inside her chest. Donny quickly stood running out of the room. Before closing the door, her turned, a slight smirk now gracing his pale face.

"Later, pretty girl."

* * *

><p>"Hi pretty girl. The name's Caleb."<p>

Tara very slowly turned around, her eyes widening to saucers as her gaze fell in the preacher-man in front of her. His eyes were dark and menacing, but his stance… it was so relaxed. Like he had nothing to fear in the whole world. And, as if she was twelve years in the past, her stomach twisted, her limbs went cold, her whole body instantly became numb. Despite the fact that the cruel men with harsh eyes and southern accents hadn't touched her in six years, her body still readied itself for their torment.

* * *

><p>Willow sobbed deeply. She felt the way Tara's entire being reacted to the man before her, the way in made her feel…and Willow wept for her love. What more could she do? Whilst she could not help Tara, she could still be there to feel what she felt…let her know that she had nothing to fear. That she loved the beautiful blonde witch with all her heart, body and soul.<p>

* * *

><p>The scoobies slowed their fighting, all looking up in interest.<p>

"Now," Caleb said, "they're mine at the moment, aren't they?" He gestured to the possessed scoobies.

Tara just stared at him, unable to even open her mouth. It was like she was frozen.

"Huh, quiet one." He shook his head, slowly circling Tara. The Scoobies had all broken apart now and where watching with interest. The man had power over them… they knew that…they'd do anything for him. Vamp-Buffy slowly strode forward, gazing up at him reverently, licking her bloodied lips.

"You'd be the Slayer wouldn't you," he smiled.

Buffy was facing the biggest internal battle of, like, _ever_. This guy before her was obviously mucho-evil, but her stupid vampy-body was all gasp and swoon for him. She'd never felt so ridiculously helpless to what her body was doing…well, actually, she had once before. That Halloween where her ridiculous Victorian-Girl costume had enabled her to single-handedly set feminism back 1000 years.

"And I'd be the other one," Murder-y-girl Faith strolled forward while wiping Anya's blood off her hands on her leathers, with the usual loping grace in her step that had always reminded Buffy of a lioness stalking her prey. You know, if lions ate creepy preacher guys. Well, the non-possessed Faith probably would have eaten him. This one looked like she wanted to kiss him. Her eyes met his with an adoring gaze, her pointed tongue darting over her lips as she smiled softly. Damn her girlfriend was hot, Buffy thought to herself. But that so wasn't the issue right now. She needed to stop herself and Faith from doing something stupid. Like killing Tara.

"Now, my little playthings. I'm havin' of a job for you."

"Anything," Buffy breathed through her fangs.

"Yes," Anya nodded. "Whatever you request, Caleb. We are all completely enthralled and willing."

He smiled. "Thank you. Now, I know that Tara here sent your little Potentials away, but I want you to go get them. And kill them. However you like."

"I enjoy torture," Anya supplied.

"Then torture to your heart's content. As long as the end result is death. They're too impure to deserve to be spared."

Oh no. Oh shit oh God oh crap oh holy frigging no way. Buffy struggled against herself, pushing with all her might to move her own limbs, to raise a fist and send this creep-tastic douche flying. But no-go.

"No sparing, check," she heard herself say, and she strolled out the door into the twilight, Faith and the other scoobies following closely behind.

"Uh, just a moment," Caleb said softly. "I count the slayers, the demon, the human, the wolf, the key, the watcher, the vampire… where is the witch?"

"Right here," Giles gestured to Tara.

"No no, this witch was not meant to be turned as the rest of you, she's for me to deal with. I mean the dark witch."

"Willow," Tara breathed.

"So you can talk?" Caleb smirked.

"She's in England," Giles said, tone bored as he stalked out the door after the others.

"Willow," Tara repeated, locking eyes with Caleb.

"Oh," he said, beginning to laugh softly. "So she's not just your little witch-buddy then?

"Willow," Tara murmured a third time, beginning to feel the numbness that had cascaded through her at the familiarity of her situation alleviate.

"How un-biblical of you," he mused. "You know, the good-book frowns on your kind of relationship."

_"Tara,_" Willow whispered, projecting every ounce of her remaining strength and love to her quivering soulmate.

"Willow," Tara hissed, "is my everything, and I personally d-d-don't care what you have to say." She tripped over her words slightly, wishing she was coming off a little stronger. She could hear the fear in her own voice. And Caleb obviously could too. He took two steps forward, until he was so close they were practically touching. Tara could feel her knees begin to weaken and her hands shake.

_He's not them_, the sweet little voice in her head said. _He's not them baby, he can't touch you. Not when I'm here with you_.

* * *

><p>Kennedy was running as fast as she could, but her pace was getting slower by the second. The throbbing, burning pain in her shoulder was relentless. She could feel whatever poison it was the werewolf teeth were imbued with already coursing through her veins. How could this have happened? Oz bit her and now… No. No. She couldn't think about it right now. She had to protect the girls. Tara had entrusted them to her and she had to get them somewhere safe.<p>

"Violet!" She called, "do a head-count while we run."

Kennedy shuddered. She didn't know how many girls were left. There had been at least three casualties.

"Thirty-four!" Vi's tired voice called back.

"Shit," Kennedy whispered, slowing to a jog. They'd lost seven girls to those stupid ubers. It had all happened so fast, the Scoobies changing and the attack… Things just… they couldn't get any worse than right now. Kennedy was so distracted she almost slammed into the blonde who was standing in the middle of the road.

"B-Buffy?"

"Hey Kennedy," and Buffy bent her head and sank her fangs into Kennedy's neck.

**CLIFF HANGER. Lol don't worry, I promise update in 2-3 days. Reviews might get you one sooner?**


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